Dh’s mum slapped ds

[eeleeee]

Ds is 3, he screamed in frustration about something, never normally does so this was unlike him. Dh mum was next to him and almost like an instinct slapped him on his back to tell him off for the scream.

I was so taken aback but it’s been really bothering me. mainly angry at myself for not saying anything. I was in shock, and my main focus was consoling my son but I feel like I betrayed him almost by staying quiet.

she didn’t apologise or discuss it

I guess AIBU in the sense of, it was like a sort of knee jerk whack to say stop screaming, or am I right in feeling angry about it

I seem to be surrounded by normal adults, who happen to cry and be upset on occasions when bad things happen, not with grown-up having meltdown and making a scene.

Again, if someone was hysterically over the top, the old recipe of a slap has proven to work for decades. Call it "violence" if you want, and let us know how far you go with shushing sound. 😂

Well my four year old stopped having tantrums years ago because I taught her how to cope with her emotions. We talk, she asks for cuddles, she takes deep breaths. A bit like I do.
Maybe if more children were taught how to cope with their emotions you wouldn’t get adults who can’t deal with them and think it’s acceptable to go around hitting other adults and children because they can’t cope with any form of emotion.

Just a thought though.

But if you’re happy to let someone smack you when you have a breakdown, good for you.And a toddler having a tantrum is perfectly normal, it’s similar to an adult crying and struggling with their feelings. Odd that you can’t understand that.

Funnily enough, neither me, my siblings, friends or my children, have breakdowns or meltdowns.

Seems we are all raised right then. Thanks for your concern 😊

A breakdown means to burst into tears - ie to cry. None of you ever cry? I’m not sure I believe that, it’s human and normal to cry, as it’s very normal for children to have big emotions that sometimes include tantrums - they’re completely normal.
And you say you’re fine Yet you can’t control your emotions because when someone else - an adult or a child - is crying and upset your instinct is to hit them or shock them. That doesn’t feel particularly healthy.

Anyway, that’s up to you. But I’m so glad that more people are no longer using such tactics and future generations will be able to cope much better with their emotions if they’re taught properly to deal with them rather than go round smacking people.

All said and done, I hope you have a nice evening. Night.

Not too late to say something. Poss better to have had a delay so you can collect your thoughts/communicate calmly

So it wasn't a joke. You think any physical restraint or any action other than talking to, naughty steps, explaining the logic to a two-year old, is wrong?
But two-year-olds don't understand logic - which is why two year olds are put on reins in busy places, or should be.

Update: We have spoken to her. She didn’t like it but understood.

Thanks for the advice, I felt sick about not being able to stand up for him at the time so that was eating away at me. Plus I was thinking if it ever happened again, I would feel a million times worse because I had to chance to address it and didnt.

They are very much a “well they need to learn” kind of family, where is a hard no for me and even dh, even though he was raised in that which says it all. I just think a toddler isn’t going to “learn” he will just become frightened of someone who was meant to be a safe person to him.

Your child, your rules x

Well done for having the conversation.

I think this is an intergenerational thing that plays out in a lot of families. Smacking was just so normal when I was little, I think my parents and ILs are mystified that we don't smack, just as we are mystified that they did.

Ffs. It really was a joke. It was a reaction to how ridiculous it is to throw water in a child’s face. And just to be totally clear any form of violence whatsoever against a child is unacceptable. I grew up being beaten on a regular basis and I was happy to not parent in the same way I was parented.

I am sorry for your broken childhood. 💐I know perfectly well that violence against childen is reprehensible. I don't see splashing a child's face with water when they have gone blue in the face from holding their breath in a tantrum as violence - it has shock value, of course, but it's purpose is to make the child take a breath (believe me, my DS was capable of holding his breath to unconsciousness just because I had insisted he sit in his pushchair).