To keep providing a new pair of socks every day?

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

They are for my DGS. He's 5. He has ARFID and possibly autistic. There are various sensory issues.

My daughter is saying that she's happy to send him to school with no socks. She thinks that this will eventually stop his obsession/compulsion.

He constantly pulls threads from his socks. You can tell exactly where he's been because you can follow a trail of threads. If he's stayed in one place for a while there will be a small pile of threads. His teacher says exactly the same - she knows exactly where he is by following the trail of threads.

Every day there is a pair of ruined socks which cannot be worn again. He has pulled the top off so that the sock is baggy and there are random huge holes all over both socks. He's also picked the fabric off around the top/back/heel of his shoes and picked out all the fabric from inside the heels of his trainers.

No one has seen him doing this. He promises to not do it again when it's pointed out that he's been doing it. It's been happening since he went into reception class.

When I go shopping/supermarket, I throw a pack of boys socks into my basket without thinking - it's become 'normal' just like buying the milk.

I would absolutely love to wear a new pair of socks every time I put some on but I know that it's wasteful. I can't bear to think of DGS going to school without socks - so I keep buying them.

My daughter recently shared a picture of the sock threads which were under DGS's bed. (He insists on wearing socks in bed.) They were from the floor up to the mattress - a deep pile. H was unaware that DGD does this and he's gone ballistic since he's found out I'm buying new socks every week.

We've been told that it's his way of stimming (by his speech therapist). He also chews his nails down so far that his fingers look sore - again we've been told that this is another version of stimming.

He has a spinning chair in school and at home which he uses whenever he feels it necessary. This was introduced as a way in which to distract him from destroying his socks - it hasn't worked. His current fidget toy is a key ring sized retractable tape measure - he's obsessed with measuring and he's outstanding at maths (just had parents evening).

I cannot 'not' buy socks for him - his mum won't.

We try not to mention this to him too
much as he gets upset and his other sensory issues also take up a considerable amount of time/headspace.

How do we approach this? Of course we would like this to stop - it feels like a life long fixation right now.

Or do I continue to buy the socks?

I would say remove the shameful element but addressing the issue head on. Tell him you understand that he pulls at his socks and can you work with him to find a new thing to do that will make him feel a similar way?

I’d suggest getting him crocs over summer so he can wear them with no socks? I’m a headteacher and would accept that as a reasonable adjustment, but I know some schools can be unnecessarily strict about these things. However, he will seek to replace this behaviour/need with something else, so I suppose it depends on if the next habit it more or less inconvenient or disruptive or damaging to himself.

If he doesn't have the socks to stim with is he more likely to engage in the much more harmful nail biting? I just don't see the harm. It's his coping mechanism, and as they go, it's very far from the worst I've seen.

Could he be trusted with a picky pad? They’re a small silicone disc with tiny beads that can be picked out. No use if he’s likely to swallow the beads but it might soothe his need to pick at something without resorting to his socks.

What you should do is what his mum and dad tell you to. Ones flipped on you finding out that you’re sabotaging their new strategy on trying to address it, but instead you’re looking for validation from strangers online to keep on doing it?

I don't know if this will work but can you buy him a pair of silk socks. I think that silk thread woukd be too strong for him to pick apart. A single pair would be very expensive, but maybe if it lasts for months rather than hours that's worth it?

Does it have to be socks or would he happily unravel something else? Say granny squares or old pieces of fabric that you could give him for that specific purpose?

if it has to be socks, if I’m honest, I’d just keep buying him them too.

My son bites his nails terribly, I'd love for him to pick at something else instead! I'd worry by sending him with no socks, he would pick at skin or nails instead.

But ultimately the approach to take here is to follow the lead of his parents.

In nursery (school nursery) he had a comforter which was a muslin square. The teacher told him that he would not be allowed to have this in reception class. He didn't pull threads off his comforter but since he's not allowed to have this anymore he's started the habit of pulling his socks to pieces.

His spinning chairs were purchased as a distraction.

His fidget toy is supposed to distract/give his hands something to do rather than pick at his socks.

It maybe shameful in his own mind, at his own level. We don't attach any shame to his actions. We try to make light of it - just seems an expensive obsession (according to H who would like it to stop).

You either support mums parenting and do as she asks or you disagree so strongly, to the point that you think she is harming him, and therefore you need to report her.

Anything inbetween is you choosing your own preference to parent him over hers.

So which is it?

I think when the weather permits just send him without socks - you can get boys sandals or Croc type shoes that don't need socks

I work with children who have SEN. Have you tried Pom Poms? He could pull threads out of those and they’re easy to replace and he can take them with him anywhere

Meh. It's a pretty harmless stim.

Like these @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

Get him some small squares of cheap fabric or rags to pick at. He can keep it in his pocket like a handkerchief.

Not if you’re having to buy new socks every day!

When I was a kid we had koosh balls that were very much like sock elastic. Maybe he could pick at something like that to get the same sensation without necessarily destroying it or his clothes?

No specific advice on the socks but my youngest has ASD and in primary school he used to chew holes in his jumpers. As you say it’s his way of obtaining sensory feedback. Has he had assessment in the school environment of his additional needs eg by an occupational therapist? That might help to identify the need it is he’s trying to address by doing this x

You could be describing my son but he’s 20 now. It’s just his thing and please don’t make him ashamed or get annoyed, it’s a coping strategy. Let him keep the cotton so he can play with it. That’s what helped our son

Has an OT assessment ever be considered, as an OT (I believe) can explore/assessment his sensory needs and make appropriate suggestions for accommodations and/or a sensory diet.

Ridiculous. Of course you can disagree with someone else's parenting without it being a child protection issue.

If he even wears socks to bed OP I'm thinking it's going to be a huge battle/upset to get him to go to school without them. I wouldn't put him through that personally. I would send him to school with socks with holes already in though so they're hopefully not having to be replaced quite so often.

I'd simply ask if he can have Muslim square back.

Are they getting DLA for him? This is the sort of thing it's meant to cover.

Yeah, tell them he needs his comforter back!

Yes this.