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AIBU?

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To keep providing a new pair of socks every day?

104 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 09/06/2025 21:23

They are for my DGS. He's 5. He has ARFID and possibly autistic. There are various sensory issues.

My daughter is saying that she's happy to send him to school with no socks. She thinks that this will eventually stop his obsession/compulsion.

He constantly pulls threads from his socks. You can tell exactly where he's been because you can follow a trail of threads. If he's stayed in one place for a while there will be a small pile of threads. His teacher says exactly the same - she knows exactly where he is by following the trail of threads.

Every day there is a pair of ruined socks which cannot be worn again. He has pulled the top off so that the sock is baggy and there are random huge holes all over both socks. He's also picked the fabric off around the top/back/heel of his shoes and picked out all the fabric from inside the heels of his trainers.

No one has seen him doing this. He promises to not do it again when it's pointed out that he's been doing it. It's been happening since he went into reception class.

When I go shopping/supermarket, I throw a pack of boys socks into my basket without thinking - it's become 'normal' just like buying the milk.

I would absolutely love to wear a new pair of socks every time I put some on but I know that it's wasteful. I can't bear to think of DGS going to school without socks - so I keep buying them.

My daughter recently shared a picture of the sock threads which were under DGS's bed. (He insists on wearing socks in bed.) They were from the floor up to the mattress - a deep pile. H was unaware that DGD does this and he's gone ballistic since he's found out I'm buying new socks every week.

We've been told that it's his way of stimming (by his speech therapist). He also chews his nails down so far that his fingers look sore - again we've been told that this is another version of stimming.

He has a spinning chair in school and at home which he uses whenever he feels it necessary. This was introduced as a way in which to distract him from destroying his socks - it hasn't worked. His current fidget toy is a key ring sized retractable tape measure - he's obsessed with measuring and he's outstanding at maths (just had parents evening).

I cannot 'not' buy socks for him - his mum won't.

We try not to mention this to him too
much as he gets upset and his other sensory issues also take up a considerable amount of time/headspace.

How do we approach this? Of course we would like this to stop - it feels like a life long fixation right now.

Or do I continue to buy the socks?

OP posts:
FiveBarGate · 10/06/2025 09:08

Could he take in the picked pair of socks in his pocket or somewhere other than his feet and use them until they are completely done?

Will still require sick buying but will move it to weekly more so than daily.

Does the muslin need to be revisited. It would seem like that is less impactful than the socks in terms of classroom mess etc so makes more sense all round than the current situation.

AyeDeadOn · 10/06/2025 09:08

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 09/06/2025 21:40

In nursery (school nursery) he had a comforter which was a muslin square. The teacher told him that he would not be allowed to have this in reception class. He didn't pull threads off his comforter but since he's not allowed to have this anymore he's started the habit of pulling his socks to pieces.

His spinning chairs were purchased as a distraction.

His fidget toy is supposed to distract/give his hands something to do rather than pick at his socks.

It maybe shameful in his own mind, at his own level. We don't attach any shame to his actions. We try to make light of it - just seems an expensive obsession (according to H who would like it to stop).

I'm absolutely horrified that a teacher wouldn't left him have his wee muslin! I'd be looking for an educational placement that at the very least managed to have some compassion for kids with different needs, let alone an understanding of them. Has he had an OT assessment? I'd let him have a wee sensory box with some old socks, a muslin, and some other different textures in it. And if he still chooses to shred his socks, grand. That'll be what his DLA should cover.

AnaMRT · 10/06/2025 09:32

ThatsNotMyTeen · 09/06/2025 21:51

No specific advice on the socks but my youngest has ASD and in primary school he used to chew holes in his jumpers. As you say it’s his way of obtaining sensory feedback. Has he had assessment in the school environment of his additional needs eg by an occupational therapist? That might help to identify the need it is he’s trying to address by doing this x

@ThatsNotMyTeen how did you get them to stop doing that please?

Sandandsea123 · 10/06/2025 14:15

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 09/06/2025 22:39

He does have a couple of muslin squares in bed - still picks his socks. I'm not even sure that he knows he's doing it. When he stays at my house on a Friday - he shoves it under the pillow because my single divan goes down to the floor.

I began buying socks for him because my daughter was saying how expensive it was getting to buy them every week - I only did it to help out. I didn't even think about fuelling an obsession.

He simply doesn't like being without socks - will not walk around barefoot.

We are waiting for an autism assessment and OT assessment. He's only recently got to the top of the speech and language list and started having weekly appointments.

I have six grandchildren who are potentially ND - we have multiple medical issues diagnosed,
one confirmed diagnosis of autism and one confirmed ARFID.

It's all probably my fault - I've always suspected I'm autistic. I think my dad was. I've passed it down the line.

I do have hundreds of pom poms though. A few years ago I made a six foot Christmas tree entirely out of them for a display. I'm not sure that school would be ok with scattered heaps of green wool. But I'll ask H to get it down from the loft and see how we go.

I feel so upset with all the fuss - he's a fantastic little lad. Currently his mouth is full of ulcers - probably due to very restricted diet. He's gone downhill quite markedly since he had his tonsils out at Easter.

Can't believe H is being so stingy over socks considering all the money he's wasted - and that's a whole other can of worms.

i used to support a nd child at school and pom-poms were her thing; why I mentioned them. They are rather soothing to hold and pull apart! I’m sure school won’t mind; classroom gets hoovered everyday and little wool threads are easy to hoover up. Your Christmas tree sounds great! Would love to see it! X

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