I know what you're thinking - no, I don't hate teachers. DH is a teacher and I used to be a teacher. But, we have a lot of ongoing issues with DS's teacher and I don't know what to do. We are/were secondary though so it's a whole different ball game. We've already raised an issue once but we tried very hard to make it not a personal issue about her - but it feels like one. I'm sorry that this will be long - I have tried to be concise but don't want to be accused of drip-feeding if I clarify things later on.
Usual story - no behavioural issues raised about DS by anyone at any time, ever. Only ever heard positive things - we are very lucky. But our concerns are growing. He's 5 and in Y1 - no issues with his teacher last year or in preschool.
Issues include:
We are absolutely certain that DS has dyspraxia. DH does. DS has almost every symptom - handwriting is illegible no matter how much he tries, and he complains his hands hurt, cannot throw or catch a ball properly, cannot walk in a straight line, cannot do steps with one foot per step, cannot skip, cannot do a two-footed jump, struggles with cutlery. DD (2) can do these things. He falls over daily, hits his head daily, struggles to open/close things, struggles to even do velcro shoes. We mentioned this to his teacher as we had parents' evening around the same time as we spoke to the GP. She agreed with everything we were saying (and we can see on the app where they upload videos that this happens at school). The GP referred to the school nurse who spoke to the teacher. The school nurse has come back to say that the teacher (who completely and totally agreed with us at parents' evening and said she sees all of these same things) had said she has no concerns at all and that she's not witnessed a single one of these symptoms.
We spoke to the school (our one complaint) because DS (who has always and adored school/nursery) absolutely hates school now. Won't get out of bed, cries the night before, cries in the car before going in. He says his teacher hates him. He says she thinks he's stupid. Some of what he says is very specific "Mrs X said [child] is smart than I am". We were very careful raising it with the school and made it more of a general "he's struggling with enjoyment" issue and didn't say anything that was accusatory or personal. We raised that he'd told us he's not good at anything (he actually said "Mrs X said I'm not good at anything") so they said they would work on that. The next day - he got four stickers (his first stickers of the year, this was just before Easter). He got one for standing in the line, another for sitting on the carpet, one for being quiet and one for answering a question (all things he's always done, and things every child would do). Then they announced he was being "celebrated" (one child in each class is chosen each week to be celebrated). Whilst this took on board what we said, and I know I sound like they can't win, it felt a bit like a "fuck you" (like if you ask a child to stop talking in class so they go on silent protest and won't even answer their name in the register). We attended his celebration assembly and his teacher didn't seem to have anything good to even say - my mum came (and I hadn't told her anything about the issues and she raised with me that she thought it was odd compared to the other children being celebrated). She also hadn't written his out for him to hold (which all the other children had). She said that the reason he was being "celebrated" was for a piece of work he'd done well on but it turns out he did that piece of work the same afternoon as the assembly (immediately before the assembly) but we were told he was being celebrated two weeks earlier. I obviously bigged up my son but it was obvious to me that she was praising him begrudgingly.
Back at Christmas, when they had their nativity, DS wanted a speaking part. All the children who wanted a speaking part got a speaking part (that was the rule) but his was the smallest one - 6 words. He was also the only child not on the stage for any of the songs and, at the end, he was the only child who didn't go on the stage to take a bow (he was ushered out with the children who bowed when his group went up to bow). He's one of the shortest children in the class and the rows were on height - except he was right at the back and completely hidden from view except for his 40 seconds on stage. I don't think this was accidental.
At the end of reception, he was in the top reading group (Big Cat Little Wandle 5.2, if that means anything to anyone). In September, he was moved all the way to the bottom reading group. We weren't told that he'd been moved and it only came out in February when we raised that he hadn't gone up a single book band since the summer. The teacher moved him up in February (at parents' evening) when we raised that he hadn't moved up but had no explanation for why he'd not progressed at all and no explanation for why he was now in the bottom group (in fact, she blamed his dyspraxia - which is why we're so confused as to why she's told the school nurse she's not seeing any symptoms). She said that his reading is behind but they won't do any intervention because "water finds its own level" and some children are simply low attainment. Our confusion is that he's been ahead and his report in July said he was ahead but, by September, she assessed that he was behind - but not just "behind", "behind and not worth trying to get back up to speed". We've now had two private assessments and both have said he's ahead on his reading and can't understand why we're concerned.
I understand that it's almost the end of the year and he'll get a new teacher soon but I'm concerned for a lot of reasons. Firstly, she'll be the one doing his phonics check and I simply don't trust her. I have two private assessments that say his reading is ahead and she's saying he can't read at all - I simply don't trust that she'll do the test fairly. Secondly, she'll be doing his handover for his next teacher and if she tells the new teacher that he's dumb as a brick then that's the perception he'll have. Thirdly, it's bordering on bullying - I've had a parent tell me she was unkind about him on a school trip (other parent was a parent helper on the trip and overheard her compare my child to one of the animals in the zoo to other children when my child wasn't there) and if she couldn't feign that she likes him for a celebration assembly, I do wonder what she's like when she thinks no one is looking. I'm also concerned because DS has a facial disfigurement (and had surgery relating to it in the summer) and I wonder if this has played a role in her treatment of him or is maybe why she's decided he's stupid.
Would you complain in this circumstance, or just wait it out? I don't want to be "one of those" but I feel like every few days there's a new incident or issue (and I've heard it from adults too so it's not just that my son is feeling a certain way).