Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

[Motherof1and2dogs]

I have posted about this before under the topic ‘pregnancy’ but I didn’t get much response at all so thought I would try it under AIBU just as this seems to get more engagement :)

I just want some reassurance more than anything that I should be ok but also if you think my husband traveling away so close to the due date Is crazy, please be honest!

So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening. This trip wasn’t compulsory and he had a choice (work related) but it is a trip of playing golf, wining and dining with other colleagues and more social than business, I did tell him I wasn’t comfortable with it but he decided to go anyway.

I will be 36 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of something happening and him not being here, meaning me going into labour or even needing to go A&E for some sort of emergency. We have a 2.5 year old so my mum will have to be here with him if anything happens so that is covered but I would have to go alone (most of my friends and family are over an hour away, or have kids of their own, or just might not be available at the time if something does happen. This really upsets me that he could miss the birth of his daughter or I don’t have him here as my support and safety net, but also I have been told and read that babies coming at 36 weeks is unlikely, especially that my pregnancy isn’t high risk so that helps a little.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I have nothing to worry about or should I tell him to not go?
I do understand some women have to do this alone due to work commitments or maybe personal circumstances but in this scenario he does have a choice and I just feel like it’s a huge risk but then if baby doesn’t come then he is missing out on going to Portugal. Would love some opinions please :) x thanks in advance

36 weeks is quite early. You’re pretty unlikely to have anything happen at that point. Was your first baby early? . I’d be inclined to go along with it.

You'll be fine. It's possible but unlikely that the baby will arrive while he's away, first labours can be long anyway and it's only Portugal. He could come back early or cancel if required if there are problems before then.

We were away on our own little trip (just in the UK) when I was 37 weeks pregnant with DD1 as it was our first wedding anniversary. I still managed a fair bit of walking and felt fit and well.

My DH went to a wedding on the other side of the country when I was 37 weeks. I don’t have any family nearby. I just remember being grateful for a bit of peace! Granted it was my first though so didn’t have a toddler to look after as well. I think you’re unlikely to have an issue although I understand the apprehension.

@SErunneronly 4 days before his due date so he come at 39+3 :)

@spoonbillstretford this is my second which I have heard the baby flies out! But as yourself and others are saying 36 weeks is unlikely which makes me feel better. The more reassurance I get the better I will feel! :)

What a selfish and uncaring thing for your H to do.

I'm sure you will be OK OP but it sounds as though your H doesn't really care about you or his unborn child if he is happy to leave you at this stage of your pregnancy. And especially when you have told him you aren't happy about him going off to socialise.

Is he normally so uncaring?

@MimiBlush that’s the thing, I can’t see it as some peace and quiet unfortunately as I have a handful of a toddler to look after but on the plus side I will be on maternity leave at this point so I won’t be at work! Finger crossed this baby waits! 🤞

@Ohmeohmyohdear he can be a little selfish at times, he has already turned down a stag do which he should have been going to (4 nights in Croatia!) and this Portugal trip could have some good opportunities in terms of meeting higher up people in his company which is why I never said a solid No, I just said I felt uncomfortable and my anxiety will be awful but I can’t force him not to go :(

At 36 weeks would be more than fine.

It's a gamble, and tbh seems selfish of him. I had a work trip to Poland when DD3 was due... very much NOT a jolly... DP (now ex) was 32 weeks gone, and pretty much had to force me to go 😀 She had 2 sisters v. local, so lots of support.

It really wouldn’t have bothered me. You’ll only be 36 weeks, it’s not that far away with numerous flight options, it’s only a few days and you have your mother close enough for childcare.

I’ve just done a google. Only 4.6% of babies come by 36 weeks - a tiny amount. And then you have to consider the baby would have to arrive early on the specific days yoyr husband is away, which takes the likelihood down even further to vanishingly small. I know you’ll be tired, looking after your toddler, but I’d let him go with a happy heart. You have support in place to look after your existing child should you need it and he’ll only be in Portugal, not Timbuktu. Perhaps he could look at earlier flight times home and some cabs to get to the airport just in case you go into an extraordinarily early labour to give you some reassurance on how quickly he can get to you. Sorry to say, I think you’re being overly anxious.

I had this. My husband had a conference he’d been looking forward to for a long time. Important for his work and didn’t happen every year. It was in Switzerland and on my due date. My first baby was late. I encouraged him to go, knowing that he could fly back quickly if needed. Baby arrived several days after his return.

36 weeks is pretty early.I think it's fine - I was still at work at 36 weeks. He should be around from 38 weeks in my view.

I think you should take a deep breath and stop worrying about something that is incredibly unlikely.

Your baby could be 6 weeks away at this point. Given no medical indications of early labour, I wouldn’t worry. You have your mum with you too. Do put your feet up for a few days, potter quietly around the house and try to relax.

@tiredoflondonbutnotlife no this is good! this is what I need to hear. I am extremely anxious, I actually have bad anxiety and panic disorder, reassurance from others has always helped me in life, I have been like it since a child. I know it’s not good to be this way but reassurance is what I use to get through sometimes. I also take advice better from strangers than people I know, crazy right!

DD came last year at 36+2 with zero warning and was born a few hours later, so I can see why you’re wary. If he’s okay with potentially risking it, that’s on him I guess. I think I’d feel a bit upset if this trip wasn’t mandatory.

It’s unlikely that your baby will come that early if you have had an uncomplicated pregnancy. However it might be a good idea, practically as well as soothing your anxiety, if you have a plan in place for going into labour whilst your husband is away.

Your mum will look after your dc, is there another close friend or relative that can be on standby as a birth partner for that 48 hours? Just knowing that there is someone else you could count on for support will make you feel better, even if they are never used.

Also your DH has to agree to keep his phone on loud and check it regularly.

It will be fine.

I think this is fine OP, baby unlikely to come at 36 weeks.

Better he’s off doing this kind of stuff pre baby arrival than post baby arrival.

I had my second child at 36w with about two hour’s notice. I was mentally prepared to do it alone in case nobody could arrive in time to look after my first child, but I would have been very unhappy to have been passed over for a voluntary trip of golf an socialising.

But you have your mum there ? it will be totally fine. Don't worry..

That’s pretty harsh. I don’t think I’d have batted an eyelid at my husband going away for 2 nights at 36 weeks - sensible to take advantage of the opportunity given he won’t be able to again for a while?! I certainly wouldn’t have let anyone label him selfish and uncaring…it’s highly unlikely a baby will be born at that gestation.

36 weeks is likely fine but the fact is you will be heavily pregnant with a toddler why would he choose to leave you alone to cope? I could understand if it was an important work trip or a funeral/wedding but this just sounds like a jolly.

It's selfish since this is a recreational trip. My DH travelled a lot for work, and he never went after the 36 week mark, because you just never know. If it absolutely had to happen for work, since you have your mother for back up, then sure. Not to play golf.

You’ll get lots of ladies saying it didn’t bother them, but it isn’t about them it’s about you. Later stages of pregnancy with a younger child are exhausting- a whole different ball game than having yourself to worry about. You’re anxious about him being away, and imo he should recognise that and have some kindness towards you.

My DH would not of gone to a different country when I was pregnant. When I was 37 weeks he went somewhere on his bike with no phone signal, he came home.