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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

109 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 09/06/2025 04:51

I have posted about this before under the topic ‘pregnancy’ but I didn’t get much response at all so thought I would try it under AIBU just as this seems to get more engagement :)

I just want some reassurance more than anything that I should be ok but also if you think my husband traveling away so close to the due date Is crazy, please be honest!

So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening. This trip wasn’t compulsory and he had a choice (work related) but it is a trip of playing golf, wining and dining with other colleagues and more social than business, I did tell him I wasn’t comfortable with it but he decided to go anyway.

I will be 36 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of something happening and him not being here, meaning me going into labour or even needing to go A&E for some sort of emergency. We have a 2.5 year old so my mum will have to be here with him if anything happens so that is covered but I would have to go alone (most of my friends and family are over an hour away, or have kids of their own, or just might not be available at the time if something does happen. This really upsets me that he could miss the birth of his daughter or I don’t have him here as my support and safety net, but also I have been told and read that babies coming at 36 weeks is unlikely, especially that my pregnancy isn’t high risk so that helps a little.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I have nothing to worry about or should I tell him to not go?
I do understand some women have to do this alone due to work commitments or maybe personal circumstances but in this scenario he does have a choice and I just feel like it’s a huge risk but then if baby doesn’t come then he is missing out on going to Portugal. Would love some opinions please :) x thanks in advance

OP posts:
BusyMum47 · 09/06/2025 06:44

@Motherof1and2dogs

Chances are, you'll be fine, but it's a bit of a dick move on his part - not least, leaving you to parent an active toddler when you're that pregnant!

Blueberry911 · 09/06/2025 06:44

I wouldnt like this, as someone who gave birth prematurely and very unexpectedly... and quickly once it started! I felt exhausted at the end too - not that I made it to 36 weeks!

beenwhereyouare · 09/06/2025 06:45

But it's not 2 nights- or 48 hours.

@Motherof1and2dogs said in the first post "So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening."

It's 3 nights, and nearly 4 days. Something like 85 hours.That makes for a long week when you have a toddler.

Hope everything is fine for you! ❤

TheNightingalesStarling · 09/06/2025 06:53

Statistically its unlikely.
My second labour was longer than my first.

DH wasn't there when my second was born. DD1 was with a neighbour, DM was with me (she was born at home so DD1 was home an hour later). DH was on a work trip... but he was Army so it wasn't a jolly rather 7 months of hell. I knew my whole pregnancy it was likely to be like that. The labour itself wasn't really an issue... but the weeks leading up were hard work. I had to go to hospital a couple of times, I had daily midwife visits... the only real rest I got was the two mornings DD1 was in nursery.

It will probably be fine. But he has to make sure you get lots of rest before and after!

(A bit of an old wives tale I heard a lot was that babies come when Mum is ready mentally. Didnt work out for me but she did come at 40 weeks. She needed to hang on to 41+3 for DH to make it!)

LarkAscendings · 09/06/2025 06:54

It’s quite unlikely that you will go into labour, but it’s very likely that you will worry about it and be knackered looking after a 2 1/2 year-old. Plus, presuming your Mum is putting herself out too - I’m sure your Mum doesn’t mind, but the fact she’s staying with you is because it’s probably not a good idea for you to be on your own and that’s why he should be there if he can be.

I expect he won’t remember why this trip was important in a couple of years time, but you’ll probably remember that he let you down unnecessarily.

Mrsttcno1 · 09/06/2025 06:57

I really wouldn’t be worried about this at all, I’m pregnant with my second and wouldn’t be concerned. Second babies can be born faster but that usually means you have a SHORTER labour, not an earlier labour, unless you have other complications during pregnancy there is nothing to suggest they would come 4 weeks earlier just because they are your second baby.

Ohmeohmyohdear · 09/06/2025 06:58

SErunner · 09/06/2025 06:32

That’s pretty harsh. I don’t think I’d have batted an eyelid at my husband going away for 2 nights at 36 weeks - sensible to take advantage of the opportunity given he won’t be able to again for a while?! I certainly wouldn’t have let anyone label him selfish and uncaring…it’s highly unlikely a baby will be born at that gestation.

Show quote history

I suppose its because i count having a baby as being a life changing and significant and highly anticipated event.
And I'm old fashioned enough to think it should be such for the father as well as the mother.

And I would expect a loving husband to be concerned for the welfare of his partner and be anxious to be there for her and the new baby in the last stages of pregnancy and for the forthcoming birth.

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

Havingasmashingtime · 09/06/2025 07:00

“My second so the baby will fly out”

erm no that does not happen.

the fact this is your second baby I think you’re being quite needy to stop him from his trip:
sounde like your jealous he’s going and using this as an excuse

Hoplolly · 09/06/2025 07:01

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

What would you have him do? Sit waiting, putting life on hold for a baby that might not appear for another 6 weeks.

Ohmeohmyohdear · 09/06/2025 07:04

Hoplolly · 09/06/2025 07:01

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

What would you have him do? Sit waiting, putting life on hold for a baby that might not appear for another 6 weeks.

I would expect him not to swan off to another country for 4 nights leaving his wife in the late stages of pregnancy looking after a small child.
Being in the same country and being available if needed is not " putting his life on hold".

SupposesRoses · 09/06/2025 07:06

Hoplolly · 09/06/2025 07:01

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

What would you have him do? Sit waiting, putting life on hold for a baby that might not appear for another 6 weeks.

I’d have him look after the other child so that the person who is carrying his second child doesn’t have to work quite so hard in the last weeks of pregnancy.

Loveduppenguin · 09/06/2025 07:17

36w is fine. Second labours are not always faster either…mine was slower.

LaughingCat · 09/06/2025 07:18

I’m pregnant (unexpectedly) and because it was unplanned, we have a plethora of gigs booked around the due date, across the country and the Continent. My DH is under strict instructions from me to attend all of them that are before/after ten days around the due date with a friend instead because I’ll be fine if anything happens - I’ll cope! Highly unlikely that you’ll go into labour at 36 weeks and if you do, he can come home. Like a pp said, he won't be able to do another trip like that for a while so I don’t see an issue with it. With all kindness, I think you might be overthinking this, OP.

Vallmo47 · 09/06/2025 07:21

At 36 weeks it should be fine, I would be more annoyed he’s leaving me to deal with the 2.5 year old towards the end of pregnancy when it’s harder to get by/get any sleep whatsoever than anxious about going into labour.
Neither of my babies “flew out” (your words 🤣) and my second was even later than the first. It is rather inconsiderate of him.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/06/2025 07:24

I think it is very unlikely that you will go into labour while he is away.

Do you have a friend who would agree to be on standby that weekend, who could either take over the babysitting from your mum or go with you to hospital?

It's not like being a single mum and having to ask people who aren't your baby's immediate family to be on standby for several weeks. It's 48 hours during which you are very unlikely to go into labour, and once your husband gets home, if nothing has happened your friend can stand down.

I'd be more than happy to do that for a friend in the circumstances. Even a friend who lived an hour away, and even though I have children of my own. If anything I'd be almost disappointed if nothing happened while I was "on call".

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/06/2025 07:24

It wouldn't cross my mind to have an issue with this.

beAsensible1 · 09/06/2025 07:34

I know people will poo poo it. But social events with work especially away days with senior leadership and executive are very useful if you want to move up or make face 2 face connections with wider based teams

its only portugal if he has to leave early he can but you are right to be upset if he decided to go without discussion.

beAsensible1 · 09/06/2025 07:39

Also do ask your friends OP. Even if they have children I’m sure they will be ok to be potential support in the case of an emergency.

Idoidoidoidoidoido · 09/06/2025 07:54

I wouldn’t be so worried about going into labour but might be worried about other complications that can crop up near the end of pregnancy, this happened to me and I was in and out of hospital from 36 weeks. Previous low risk pregnancy. Have you got a plan for if this happens? My DH wasn’t with me all the time but it was a stressful time and I needed his support, not to mention needed him to look after DC.

Heavily pregnant with a toddler solo is very different to a first pregnancy where you can just put your feet up, I wouldn’t be super happy about it.

housesellin · 09/06/2025 08:05

SErunner · 09/06/2025 04:58

36 weeks is quite early. You’re pretty unlikely to have anything happen at that point. Was your first baby early? . I’d be inclined to go along with it.

Edited

I thought this, then randomly was forced to have an EMCS at 36w.

My friend gave birth spontaneously at 35w. No issues, baby healthy, just premature.

I think it’s ridiculous to go away when your partner is this pregnant.

Embarrassinglyuseless · 09/06/2025 08:06

unless you weren’t super early with no. 1 I wouldn’t worry.

save your hard ‘no’ for things when the baby is here and you’re navigating juggling two of them! Promise you’ll need him more then…

millymoo1202 · 09/06/2025 08:10

I’m going to disagree with most posters, I had my baby at 36 weeks, my husband was offshore it was his last trip, all happened very quickly. He didn’t get home in time and my friend came in with me, I was fine but I don’t think he was initially so no I don’t think he should go if it’s just did a jolly that he can get out of

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/06/2025 08:10

OP, have a plan B ready. If you go into labour while DP is away (obviously hope not) what is your plan? Where's DC1 going? Who can come with you? Pack your bag, I think you'll feel better if you cover all bases.

Cerialkiller · 09/06/2025 08:17

My two arrived at 37 and 37+5. As it happened , with ds, DH would have in fact been away if he hadn't cancelled. As it was, my waters broke on both and I was in labour for more then 40 hours for both and he would have been able to fly back in time.

socks1107 · 09/06/2025 08:18

I wasn’t a high risk pregnancy, and on the Friday I saw my midwife she was happy not to see me again over Xmas all was good and I’d see her at 39 weeks.
I gave birth 48 hours later at bang on 36 weeks. I’d be upset were my dh to be away so close to a birth