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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

109 replies

Motherof1and2dogs · 09/06/2025 04:51

I have posted about this before under the topic ‘pregnancy’ but I didn’t get much response at all so thought I would try it under AIBU just as this seems to get more engagement :)

I just want some reassurance more than anything that I should be ok but also if you think my husband traveling away so close to the due date Is crazy, please be honest!

So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening. This trip wasn’t compulsory and he had a choice (work related) but it is a trip of playing golf, wining and dining with other colleagues and more social than business, I did tell him I wasn’t comfortable with it but he decided to go anyway.

I will be 36 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of something happening and him not being here, meaning me going into labour or even needing to go A&E for some sort of emergency. We have a 2.5 year old so my mum will have to be here with him if anything happens so that is covered but I would have to go alone (most of my friends and family are over an hour away, or have kids of their own, or just might not be available at the time if something does happen. This really upsets me that he could miss the birth of his daughter or I don’t have him here as my support and safety net, but also I have been told and read that babies coming at 36 weeks is unlikely, especially that my pregnancy isn’t high risk so that helps a little.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I have nothing to worry about or should I tell him to not go?
I do understand some women have to do this alone due to work commitments or maybe personal circumstances but in this scenario he does have a choice and I just feel like it’s a huge risk but then if baby doesn’t come then he is missing out on going to Portugal. Would love some opinions please :) x thanks in advance

OP posts:
babybabytime · 09/06/2025 08:18

If your first was close to due date, it is very unlikely your second will come so early. It’s true the birth will likely be faster, but not earlier. That’s a common misconception.

walker1211 · 09/06/2025 08:20

Motherof1and2dogs · 09/06/2025 04:51

I have posted about this before under the topic ‘pregnancy’ but I didn’t get much response at all so thought I would try it under AIBU just as this seems to get more engagement :)

I just want some reassurance more than anything that I should be ok but also if you think my husband traveling away so close to the due date Is crazy, please be honest!

So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening. This trip wasn’t compulsory and he had a choice (work related) but it is a trip of playing golf, wining and dining with other colleagues and more social than business, I did tell him I wasn’t comfortable with it but he decided to go anyway.

I will be 36 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of something happening and him not being here, meaning me going into labour or even needing to go A&E for some sort of emergency. We have a 2.5 year old so my mum will have to be here with him if anything happens so that is covered but I would have to go alone (most of my friends and family are over an hour away, or have kids of their own, or just might not be available at the time if something does happen. This really upsets me that he could miss the birth of his daughter or I don’t have him here as my support and safety net, but also I have been told and read that babies coming at 36 weeks is unlikely, especially that my pregnancy isn’t high risk so that helps a little.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I have nothing to worry about or should I tell him to not go?
I do understand some women have to do this alone due to work commitments or maybe personal circumstances but in this scenario he does have a choice and I just feel like it’s a huge risk but then if baby doesn’t come then he is missing out on going to Portugal. Would love some opinions please :) x thanks in advance

I don’t want to scaremonger, but I do think it’s worth validating that things can happen unexpectedly in those final weeks, so you’re completely right to have some level of concern. I had a placental abruption at 33 weeks and my husband had only just returned from a boys trip the day before. So yes, while the risk is low, it’s not zero, and you’re right to be mindful of that.

Lots of people do travel or take late babymoons in those final weeks, and most of the time it’s absolutely fine. But personally, I was just very glad we were at home when things went wrong. I still went to the hospital on my own due to toddler at home and no family close by.

Newgirls · 09/06/2025 08:21

Are you close with your mum? Can she move in with you when he’s away and be with you?

I get it - I’d want him to choose me but I guess you chose someone who is that personality type and he’s being who he always has been

DelphiniumBlue · 09/06/2025 08:23

InMyOpenOnion · 09/06/2025 05:42

36 weeks is pretty early.I think it's fine - I was still at work at 36 weeks. He should be around from 38 weeks in my view.

Ha, so I was I, but that didn't stop DC1 being born. Dh worked an hour away and he only just made it.
I think OP's DH is being unrealistic and also selfish. If OP went into labour and he was told straightaway, it would still take the best part of a day to get back, assuming a seat on flight was available.

heavenisaplaceonearth · 09/06/2025 08:24

This wouldn’t even be on my radar as something to worry about. I’d be encouraging my husband to go and have fun and enjoy life.

zanicus · 09/06/2025 08:27

beAsensible1 · 09/06/2025 07:34

I know people will poo poo it. But social events with work especially away days with senior leadership and executive are very useful if you want to move up or make face 2 face connections with wider based teams

its only portugal if he has to leave early he can but you are right to be upset if he decided to go without discussion.

I agree with this.

The worrying thing in this situation is that OP’s husband has just gone ahead with the decision to go in spite of knowing how anxious this will make her. If he’d offered not to go, she might have found the confidence to encourage him to go on the trip anyway.

Annoyeddd · 09/06/2025 08:29

babybabytime · 09/06/2025 08:18

If your first was close to due date, it is very unlikely your second will come so early. It’s true the birth will likely be faster, but not earlier. That’s a common misconception.

It is possible. DC2 came quicker and earlier than DC 1 while DH was away.
I found it quite worrying with DC3 even with DH just being at normal work as it could take him three hours to get home (40 minute journey and at least a couple of hours preparing to come home)

Lonelydave · 09/06/2025 08:30

Going back years ago, I had a similar situation, 1st on the way, wife at home, I had an unexpected business trip for the weekend, went with the huge caveat that if anything happens I'm getting home.
This is one of those 'what if' scenarios, he could be just having an ordinary day, everything happens, but he is stuck in a huge traffic jam because a lorry uploaded it's full load of spikey things!
You'll be fine, nothing untoward will happen, and at the end of the day you will have to children.
Simples

SJM1988 · 09/06/2025 08:30

Personally I wouldn't stop him going but I would have plans in place in case things happened when he was away. 36 weeks is still quite early but you could have the baby early.

I'm quite an anxious person and worry alot but controlling what I can control really helps. If DH wants to go, I can't control that...but I can control what happens if anything happens when he isn't around.

daffodilsandaisies · 09/06/2025 08:32

My babies all came at the exact same gestation and this has been the case for lots of people I know. So I think you’ll be ok!

BananaSpanner · 09/06/2025 08:35

LaughingCat · 09/06/2025 07:18

I’m pregnant (unexpectedly) and because it was unplanned, we have a plethora of gigs booked around the due date, across the country and the Continent. My DH is under strict instructions from me to attend all of them that are before/after ten days around the due date with a friend instead because I’ll be fine if anything happens - I’ll cope! Highly unlikely that you’ll go into labour at 36 weeks and if you do, he can come home. Like a pp said, he won't be able to do another trip like that for a while so I don’t see an issue with it. With all kindness, I think you might be overthinking this, OP.

Let’s see if you’re feeling quite so charitable when you’re on pregnancy number 2 with an active toddler having had far less rest throughout the whole pregnancy because of said toddler.

nopineapplepizza · 09/06/2025 08:35

It’s not about the labour being unlikely, it’s about a heavily pregnant woman being left alone to parent a toddler for 4 days when she’s probably knackered and could do with the other parent being around to help.

I’d bet my house that if the H was pregnant, he’d want his wife around to share the parenting load. By 36 weeks he’d probably be wearing the dressing gown of doom and claiming to be incapable of cooking, cleaning and parenting alone 🙄

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/06/2025 08:42

nopineapplepizza · 09/06/2025 08:35

It’s not about the labour being unlikely, it’s about a heavily pregnant woman being left alone to parent a toddler for 4 days when she’s probably knackered and could do with the other parent being around to help.

I’d bet my house that if the H was pregnant, he’d want his wife around to share the parenting load. By 36 weeks he’d probably be wearing the dressing gown of doom and claiming to be incapable of cooking, cleaning and parenting alone 🙄

She won't be alone, her mum is staying. So she's only worried about what will happen if she goes into labour.

Radiatorvalves · 09/06/2025 08:43

DH was away with the military when I was expecting first baby. He came back at about 36 weeks. I had a reserve birth partner ready to go but DS hung on to the due date. Second child arrived a week after due date.

I think you’ll be fine. So unreasonable to tell DH not to go.

babybabytime · 09/06/2025 08:44

Annoyeddd · 09/06/2025 08:29

It is possible. DC2 came quicker and earlier than DC 1 while DH was away.
I found it quite worrying with DC3 even with DH just being at normal work as it could take him three hours to get home (40 minute journey and at least a couple of hours preparing to come home)

Show quote history

I didn’t say it was impossible, I said it was unlikely

Ohmeohmyohdear · 09/06/2025 08:48

heavenisaplaceonearth · 09/06/2025 08:24

This wouldn’t even be on my radar as something to worry about. I’d be encouraging my husband to go and have fun and enjoy life.

A lot of men don't need encouragement to " go and have fun and enjoy themselves" . It's their default position.
Leave all the child care and the management of the home to the wife/ partner. And expect her to fit in a full time paid job outside the home as well, in most cases. That's what equality means don't you know?

I take it you haven't suffered pregnancy complications or neo natal death as some of us have. Otherwise you wouldn't be so blasé about the woman taking on all the responsibility of child birth whilst the man goes and " has fun" .

luckylavender · 09/06/2025 08:51

I was admitted to hospital at 36 weeks. I hadn’t even finished work. Pre-eclampsia.

biggerbyfar · 09/06/2025 08:52

Father of two. One came at 30wks, the other at 36wks (both kids are perfect, we were very lucky). In both cases the entire birth played out in less than 24hrs, so needless to say I think it is a terrible idea to be going away at that time.

Idoidoidoidoidoido · 09/06/2025 08:52

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/06/2025 08:42

She won't be alone, her mum is staying. So she's only worried about what will happen if she goes into labour.

Show quote history

She didn’t say her mum is staying, she said her mum would have to look after her toddler if she went into labour.

MimiSunshine · 09/06/2025 09:02

its not about the faint chance you go into labour early. It’s that he’s going away Tuesday to Friday while you’re heavily pregnant, leaving you to solo parent your toddler when he doesn’t need to.

aak him why he thinks that’s the right thing to do?

DifficultEggs · 09/06/2025 09:07

i was working abroad, in another country to DH, until I could no longer fly at 36 weeks, so this seems alarmist to me, assuming you’re not having a problem pregnancy. I’d be more pissed off I was having to parent a toddler solo, though.

mindutopia · 09/06/2025 09:10

I think it’s very silly of him and yes, I would be unhappy he’s prioritising a golfing holiday over family. My first was born (naturally) just bang on 37 weeks, perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth, had her at home actually, waters broke spontaneously and she was here 11 hours later. I was nervous about Dh going and visiting friends 2 hours away from 35 weeks because he wouldn’t have had an easy way to get back to us if I went into labour (zero family help).

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/06/2025 09:11

Looking after a toddler at 36 weeks pregnant was exhausting for me. I appreciated that my husband did as much as possible to give me breaks.

I wouldn't say that it's totally wrong for your DH to go, but it isn't exactly selfless and loving.

TheGlitterFairy · 09/06/2025 09:13

I would say he needs to cancel the trip; my own DS arrived unexpectedly at 34 weeks and a friend recently went into labour at 36 weeks (her partner was elsewhere in the UK/ had to get back quickly and he only just got back in time)….so on balance I’d be asking him to stay just in case.

Sadmummy3 · 09/06/2025 09:18

My third pregnancy was high risk and our son was born at 36 +4 weeks but your pregnancy isn't high risk so I wouldn't be worried ( my other two were born at between 39 and 40 weeks).
If you are really worried and it sounds like you have friends close by who could be available just ask one of them to go on standby for a couple of days while DH is away. I'm sure one of them could.
I honestly think you don't need to worry though. It's really unlikely your baby will come that early.