Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

[Motherof1and2dogs]

I have posted about this before under the topic ‘pregnancy’ but I didn’t get much response at all so thought I would try it under AIBU just as this seems to get more engagement :)

I just want some reassurance more than anything that I should be ok but also if you think my husband traveling away so close to the due date Is crazy, please be honest!

So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening. This trip wasn’t compulsory and he had a choice (work related) but it is a trip of playing golf, wining and dining with other colleagues and more social than business, I did tell him I wasn’t comfortable with it but he decided to go anyway.

I will be 36 weeks pregnant and I am petrified of something happening and him not being here, meaning me going into labour or even needing to go A&E for some sort of emergency. We have a 2.5 year old so my mum will have to be here with him if anything happens so that is covered but I would have to go alone (most of my friends and family are over an hour away, or have kids of their own, or just might not be available at the time if something does happen. This really upsets me that he could miss the birth of his daughter or I don’t have him here as my support and safety net, but also I have been told and read that babies coming at 36 weeks is unlikely, especially that my pregnancy isn’t high risk so that helps a little.

What would you do in my situation? Do you think I have nothing to worry about or should I tell him to not go?
I do understand some women have to do this alone due to work commitments or maybe personal circumstances but in this scenario he does have a choice and I just feel like it’s a huge risk but then if baby doesn’t come then he is missing out on going to Portugal. Would love some opinions please :) x thanks in advance

I would tell him to go and with my blessing.

There's a 0% chance you're going to find it easier for him to do something like this once the baby arrives and for a good year (or more?) afterwards. It makes sense for him to go and foster those relationships while he can. And get him to make up the time now/when he's back so you can do stuff to relax and recharge before the baby arrives.

I think "terrified" is a bit extreme. You say you have your mum, no risk factors, you'll recognise the labour signs early so if he needs to come back or decide not to go nearer the time then that call can be made.

My baby was already a month old by '36 weeks'.....

Parenting is a joint enterprise and this is a no-no for me.

You will be completely fine. Don't give it another thought. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to worry about this. You'll have another month to go at that point. The chances of you going into labour are incredibly low.

Currently 39 weeks, my husband did a two day trip at 36 weeks for work - two days after our wedding as well 😂 nothing happened, it was brilliant to have the whole bed to myself.

I'd be asking for things like making sure his phones set up in a way that even in silent, it rings when you call, and that he'd answer it. I'd also be making sure this is the last trip for a while. Mine's cancelled all work trips post baby until at least September.

For me, it's not being away in case you go into early labour that's the issue. It's that he's away for 3 nights when you're heavily pregnant and needing to look after a toddler. I was absolutely shattered at the stage with my second.

Can your mother come stay with you that whole week? Just to give you a break.

Many women manage with their partners working away for weeks and months at a time, it’s not a race to the bottom I know that but it’s 2 NIGHTS not 2 weeks!…she’ll be fine. Tired but fine!

I would be anxious too. My 2nd baby came at 35 weeks even though I had a very normal uncomplicated pregnancy and my first came at 39 weeks.

I wouldn’t t be thrilled about it. It’s one thing to be heavily pregnant. It’s quite another to be heavily pregnant with a toddler.

Fair point - appreciate that will make it much harder. I am working 60-70 hrs a week, while running a large-scale 10 month home renovation and trying to prep for the baby with zero friends or family where we live. So I might not be getting the rest you think I am!

Maybe not, and I’ll try my hardest not to make this sound like a competition.

Something I’ve found being pregnant with a toddler vs without (when I was also doing home renos with no kitchen/bathroom and working full time in a demanding job) is that with a toddler it’s physically exhausting and you cannot opt out of any of it! If you don’t feel up to getting up in the night, or if you’re too exhausted to change another nappy on a toddler who won’t stay still whilst you do it, or make another meal and clean up all the mess afterwards, or do another bedtime with a toddler that won’t go to bed then have to tidy up toys and put a wash on, then it’s tough because it has to be done.

Yeah, that sounds really tough and never going to pretend to know how it feels or how it would impact my comfort levels in this situation! With us, I know that my DH knows EXACTLY how lucky he is that I’m happy for him to go to the gigs, and I’m pushing him to do so. Not because I’ve told him he’s lucky (I haven’t, obviously) but because he’s genuinely blown away that I still want him to go. I have to admit, it doesn’t sound like OP’s other half appreciates what she’s going to go through while he’s gone.

Sorry but I have no idea what ODFO means! Please explain.

I don't understand why you think the woman's role is still to stay at home
bearing children and looking after them by herself while her husband enjoys himself playing golf and drinking and enjoying himself with his friends and colleagues on a mini break in the sun.

It takes a certain kind of man who happily goes off and leaves his heavily pregnant wife looking after his small child while he goes off and enjoys himself with no concerns about his wife's happiness or welfare.

I think 36 weeks should be fine but I can understand why you are concerned . My DH went on a business trip to Hong Kong at 36 weeks for my first . I naively was not concerned as everyone tells you first babies are late. I went into labour two days after he came back at 37 weeks . I still can’t believe how close to missing the birth my DH was and I have no idea what I would have done as have no close family near by

I don't know why you feel the need to be so offensive.
I have a different opinion from you - which I have every right to express - but that doesn't warrant you swearing at me.

I wouldn't like it but at least you have your Mum there and you are unlikely to go into labour.

My DS was born 9 weeks early with no signs until 24 hours before, many women in NICU in the same situation. My other DS was born full term.

Of course it's a risk but one only both of you can make liklihood is you'll be fine .

In light of your mental health, late stage of pregnancy, not having anyone else you’d like and who is available to be with you during the birth and preference for him not to go, he’s very unreasonable for going on a primarily social/networking trip overseas IMO.

AI cites study that around 2.8% of 2nd babies are between 32 and 36 weeks, and the lowest quartile for 2nd babies is 36 weeks - ie not uncommon.

My DC2 arrived at 36 weeks Pregnancy had been fine, the birth was not and DH supported and advocated for me.

Maybe my response was reacting to your charming comment I take it you haven't suffered pregnancy complications or neo natal death as some of us have. Otherwise you wouldn't be so blasé about the woman taking on all the responsibility of child birth whilst the man goes and " has fun" have a think about why someone might respond in the way I did, which was purely to point out that that was a really unpleasant thing to say given you don’t know mine or anyone else’s history.

Not everyone who has experienced tragedy, loss or injury feels the need to keep their partner close at 36 weeks. That’s not because they endured less or experienced less trauma, and not everyone wants to share their own tragedy as a response to if they’d worry about their husband spending a weekend in Portugal.

In all honesty I felt massively offended by your original response to my post saying I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll live.

I went away in week 38, we discussed it at length, but all was OK.

Posters saying you were or would be fine with this: people are different and OP is not fine with it and asked her H not to go.

Fair enough.
I did make assumptions based on my own experiences and your very breezy response to OP's concerns.
I didn't intend to cause offence.
However I totally stand by my views on a lot men still feeling they are entitled to go off and enjoy themselves instead of recognising their role in parenting.

Mine was camping in a field 350 miles away the week before DD was due doing the Great North Run. No signal. Parents were 5000 miles away.

Didn’t have a toddler though, and had a strong hunch she was going to be late (which she was).

It's a risk but I'd probably let him until 37 weeks.

My husband when on a stag do when I was 37 weeks with our first, I was a little bit concerned but she didn't come. Even if she had it took her 50 hours to get here so he would have been fine :-D

He didn't go on his brothers stag do which was when I was 40 weeks though which was a good thing as she started to come at 40 + 2.