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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd saying I look fat

136 replies

Hatethistimeofyear · 08/06/2025 19:28

Recently Dd, 7 has said a couple of times that I look fat and my tummy looks pregnant
I have got a bit of weight on me-size 16-18, but she’s never mentioned it before.

How would you deal with this? Would you say it’s not nice to call people fat? I know she’s not meaning to be unkind and isn’t saying it an unkind way

Would you just leave it?

Ive always said it doesn’t matter what you look like, it’s how kind you are that matters

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

OP posts:
Coolcalmmoments · 09/06/2025 11:22

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 09/06/2025 09:28

Brands vary of course, but 39 hips rarely need a 14/16. Check some size guides, that would normally be a 12 or even a 10.

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I know she buys a 16 in M & S blouses & jackets simply for the bust area & shoulders, also to be fair it is a lot to do with brands.The OP mentioned size 16 which I suppose could look different according to measurements in different people & depending where you buy the clothes & what you need in the particular make.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/06/2025 12:08

bluesinthenight · 08/06/2025 23:11

I don't have a problem with being called fat because I am fat. However, as others have said, other people might be offended by it so you might have to explain this to her.

The only problem is that in order to explain it you will have to teach her that "fat" is considered problematic or an insult.That in itself is a bit counterintuitive because if you are teaching her to be - for want of a better word - inclusive or kind then fat should not be viewed as a problem. If fat isn't a problem she is fully entitled to call you and others "fat".

Agreed. I would often say things like "I'm not sad that you noticed my tummy (or whatever), because I understand my body and how it feels and works and I like who I am. At the moment I have more fat than I have at other times, but I'm sure my body will change again. But some people would be sad if you said that to them, so it is always safest not to comment on someone else's appearance unless it is a compliment."

Age dependent obviously.

FoodAppropriation · 09/06/2025 12:15

Tell her that it's rude and unkind to comment on people's body - and it's not something people do, it doesn't matter if it's true or not, you don't say it. She's old enough to understand that.

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

Gently, if you are, then do it but do it now. Kids pick on everything, and she will know. It's so damaging for our children, girls especially, to be raised in an environment where their parent/ mother are obsessed with their weight, unhappy with it, and go from diet to diet.

It's completely pointless to lecture kids on how to feel comfortable in your own skin, love yourself, your body is a great when your own actions completely contradict this.

Your attitude makes such a difference. If your kid say "you look fat" and you are not, the answer is " I am not, that's what a woman looks like. Boobs and sometimes bum. (look at Marylin Monroe, very slim and beautiful, her stomach was NOT flat) Other women are just muscles and have a 6 pack or a boyish figure. Also what a woman looks like.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/06/2025 12:21

I'd tell her it's rude to comment on looks and can hurt people's feelings!

mrlistersgelfbride · 09/06/2025 13:26

Sorry OP I know it's hurt but a bit of this is just kids isn't it?
I'm a size 10/12 and my 7 year old DD sometimes says to me I'm fat and went through a phase of saying I looked pregnant. She even said a few times all her friends thought I looked pregnant! I said firmly to her not to comment on other people's bodies as it's cruel and unwanted.
I also told her I just like my food and definitely am not pregnant and she can't go round saying this to people or she won't have any friends.
So don't get upset, just be firm and tell her it is wrong.
Try not to take it to heart.

Hsisbdh6383 · 10/06/2025 12:24

Tadahhh · 08/06/2025 22:42

Sounds lovely, but wrong. Being obese is not good for you. You’re misleading a child

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If you can point to where I said being obese is good for you I'll edit my comment to remove it.

Tadahhh · 10/06/2025 14:26

Hsisbdh6383 · 10/06/2025 12:24

If you can point to where I said being obese is good for you I'll edit my comment to remove it.

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I didn't say that you did, I said being obese is not good for you, which is different. What you did say is:

If she's expressing the view that fat = bad ......- why does she think that? ...Try to challenge any assumptions

I'm making the point, well it is bad for you. Why would you challenge that assumption - she's correct.

Being fat is not good for you, I doubt you could find any serious medical studies that take a differing view.

Hsisbdh6383 · 10/06/2025 17:43

Tadahhh · 10/06/2025 14:26

I didn't say that you did, I said being obese is not good for you, which is different. What you did say is:

If she's expressing the view that fat = bad ......- why does she think that? ...Try to challenge any assumptions

I'm making the point, well it is bad for you. Why would you challenge that assumption - she's correct.

Being fat is not good for you, I doubt you could find any serious medical studies that take a differing view.

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It's not morally bad. Being fat doesn't make you less worthy of respect, politeness, care and decency. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you deserve shame or judgment or criticism. If OP's daughter is hearing otherwise, it's something for OP to explore with her so that view can be challenged.

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 18:45

Being lazy and unable to self-regulate is not morally right either.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/06/2025 21:01

People are fat for all sorts of reasons other than laziness and lack of self regulation...which I'm sure you know.

Tadahhh · 10/06/2025 21:07

Hsisbdh6383 · 10/06/2025 17:43

It's not morally bad. Being fat doesn't make you less worthy of respect, politeness, care and decency. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you deserve shame or judgment or criticism. If OP's daughter is hearing otherwise, it's something for OP to explore with her so that view can be challenged.

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No of course it's not morally bad, but good morals won't make you healthy. Being fat is a bad idea.

It's a very difficult problem to have though, I'm not denying that

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