Dd saying I look fat

[Hatethistimeofyear]

Recently Dd, 7 has said a couple of times that I look fat and my tummy looks pregnant
I have got a bit of weight on me-size 16-18, but she’s never mentioned it before.

How would you deal with this? Would you say it’s not nice to call people fat? I know she’s not meaning to be unkind and isn’t saying it an unkind way

Would you just leave it?

Ive always said it doesn’t matter what you look like, it’s how kind you are that matters

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

You tell her it's not kind to comment on someone's appearance unless you're giving them a compliment.

It's obviously time to teach her about body shaming and not to do it.

You're old enough to know better even if the OPs daughter isn't.

☝🏾

We’ve had a number of incidents like this, particularly at swimming.

i just tell them it’s rude to say things like that and we only say nice things.

my dd when she was 5 saw a man with a large belly at swimming and when he walked past us piped up “he looks like he’s eaten a lot!”

he’d barely walked past us and was still well within earshot.

i was mortified!

If she’s saying in an purely observational way and not saying it to be nasty, which you say she isn’t, then I don’t think you should tell her off.

The best thing is to explain that it’s not good to comment on anyone’s body regardless of shape, size, ability, features etc. Then you explain that body’s come in all different varieties size, shape, colour etc. Keep it all neutral.

Edited - I’d also not go into too much detail about how you’re trying to lose weight. No child needs to know that.

I would explain that everyone is different. It is unkind to point out something that a person cannot change in under 5 minutes.

Why do you think it is okay to tell someone on here this?! Awful comment!

I did the same with my two.

This!

If you’re unhappy about it, she’s probably picking up on it as well. Much better to be honest with her.

My dc went through a (very short) stage at 7yrs old of telling me, grandparents we were fat and made comments about other people. Now, I am size 6 and so are are some others he told were "fat" so I thought it wasn't really related to size as such. I explained to him telling people they were fat /slim is rude and he stopped.
Perhaps just tell her these comments are unkind and should not be coming out of her mouth.

Do you talk about your weight in front of her? Does she know you are unhappy with how you look?

By 7, children at our school have been taught that we dont pass comments about people unless we can include everyone in the room.
This puts paid to insulting anyone, whether purposefully or not and means no one is feeling left out.
Works for us!

I'd tell her that's true, but also we don't make personal comments about how people look because it might hurt someone's feelings.

It’s not unkind if she doesn’t mean to be unkind. It obviously can be hurtful and that can be a discussion but don’t shame her for shaming you

I'd tell her it's unkind and that she shouldn't pass comment about how other people look. My rule I told mine was, if it's not something someone can change within 5 minutes (eg you have food on your chin or your fly is undone), then you shouldn't mention it. So no mentioning not liking someone’s new haircut, size etc...It’s a simple rule and mine have both ‘got it’ from a younger age than your dd is now, so she should have no issue gasping it.

Similar size here and I discussed it when my son did the same, and he wasn't being mean he wasn't sure I knew because we don't talk about weight etc at home.

I said yeh, I definitely do have a bigger tummy, sometimes I've eaten more treat type foods than my body needs and my tummys a bit squishy because you and your sister grew in there. It's ok to be a bit squishy, everyone's body is different.

Then we talked about exercise and diet and that was that. I have been going to slimming world and have lost 2 stone since then and he will occasionally remark that I'm doing a good job at my fit club and fitness classes because I'm stronger and faster and my tummy is smaller.

I refuse to be offended by it, I KNOW I'm overweight, I know WHY and it's long and co.plicated, related to health conditions and mired in childhood trauma and sick kid trauma and special needs kid trauma and bereavement trauma etc etc, it's complicated like it is for most overweight people. But my kids? They're just kids asking questions and they are wonderful, loving wee people.

We and school have talked about how you shouldn't comment on someone's appearance u less they can change it in under 30 secs. So telling someone their short is untucked or they have food on their face is helpful as they can fix it, commenting on body size isn't helpful as it's something they're at least temporarily stuck with and may hurt their feelings. It's worked well, his whole class are kind, lovely kids

I think I would say something like, ‘Well, I do look fat because I am a bit fat at the moment, but you know, most people don’t like it when someone comments on their size. And you should never say someone looks pregnant just in case they aren’t, because that can make someone really sad.’

Talk to her about bodies - why is she saying this? What is her perception of what healthy means? This is a good opportunity to talk about how people come in different shapes and sizes, the different things that can affect people’s bodies and why we don’t comment on other people’s bodies.

This is a good learning opportunity for her, and for you to teach her.

Tell her that we don't comment on people's bodies and that bodies come in loads of shapes and sizes but it's not nice to comment on how people look

I wouldn’t say that because it’s actually reinforcing the idea that it’s not ok to be ‘fat’.
Either it is, you dint comment and dint judge. That’s it.
Or you think bring fat is not ok. I’m not sure what you’d say then. Because saying ‘dint say that because ‘it’s hurtful’ but it’s ok to judge’ isn’t quite right.

😆 🤣 😂

My son is six and he understands that calling someone fat is unkind and it’s not a word that should be used when talking about people. I would definitely be having a conversation with your daughter to encourage her to think about the words she uses and how they can make other people feel. Children don’t learn to be empathetic and kind if we don’t teach them this stuff.

"some people have bigger bodies than others. Most people don't like it when you talk about how they look".

Op I'm quite pragmatic about these things I know in overweight and at times I definitely look pregnant so when my DC innocent said this I just said yes I am and I should loose some weight to be healthier.

I said I don't mind you saying it to me but if you said it to someone else they may feel upset.