Dd saying I look fat

[Hatethistimeofyear]

Recently Dd, 7 has said a couple of times that I look fat and my tummy looks pregnant
I have got a bit of weight on me-size 16-18, but she’s never mentioned it before.

How would you deal with this? Would you say it’s not nice to call people fat? I know she’s not meaning to be unkind and isn’t saying it an unkind way

Would you just leave it?

Ive always said it doesn’t matter what you look like, it’s how kind you are that matters

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

Just teach your kids to be kind. Don’t comment on people’s bodies. I’m sure everyone has something they’d like to change about themselves, be it a big tummy, a big nose, a mole, their hair, their teeth. Just a blanket don’t comment because it can hurt peoples feelings is sufficient. You don’t need to go in depth about healthy lifestyles, diet and exercise. It’s really so simple. A boy in my child’s class is notorious for calling other kids fat/ugly/hairu arms or just pointing out differences in class and I judge his parents very harshly for it tbh, because why on earth has a 6 year old not be taught that’s not ok? It’s not good parenting.

You teach her the 5 second rule,

if something can be fixed in 5 seconds ie; you have chocolate around your mouth/your eyeliner has smudged etc then yes you can say it and tell the person.

If it can't be fixed in 5 seconds ie; your weight/a scar etc then no you say nothing as we do not comment on people's looks or bodies

Love this.

Threads like this give me hope: people are doing their best to raise kind children. Lovely messages here, like we all come in different sized bodies, and let's not comment on other people's bodies. Great!

'We don't comment on people's bodies or sizes. It's rude,' said in clear tone and then change the subject.

You do you. But it's not consistent to tell a small child it's rude to comment on someone's appearance and then continue to comment on appearances. It's either ok or it isn't. Most small children aren't aware enough of social/cultural norms to understand what is a compliment/what is an insult. They're more fact based than that as the OP has experienced!

I really hate the 'its rude' with no further explanation! Wouldn't satisfy my ADHD eldest who would mother me senseless about the reasons why. Why not explain the reasoning to kids?

Just say bodies come in all shapes and sizes and its considered rude to comment unless paying a compliment.

I would tell her that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that it’s good that every body is different. But it’s not kind to comment on other peoples bodies.

But we do… don’t we? when did you last tell your child they looked nice / beautiful etc? You may not think that’s commenting on their bodies but you comment on how they look (I assume) so it’s hard for them to understand the difference between that and saying someone is fat (if they are).

I would tell her that it’s very rude to comment on other people’s appearance in a negative way and if she has nothing nice to say she needs to not say anything. That goes for things other than body shape and 7 is plenty old enough to be told that. You don’t want her thinking it’s ok to make rude comments at school or whatever about other people’s big nose/sticky out ears/other perceived flaw.

This is simple and has the benefit of being true.

I think I’d go with. Yes, I am a bit overweight at the moment but I’m trying to make healthier choices. But it’s not very nice to tell people that they’re fat, as you could make them upset.

no point normalising being overweight but also she needs to know that it’s not polite to point it out.

As a child, my DD was taught it's better to be honest. However under the age of 10, she'd have no tact or filter!!

She very loudly told the local chipshop owner that his fishcakes were horrible. It's true actually..

Even worse, she pointed out 'that man's dressed like a woman' in the Sainsbury's store 🙈 quite loudly. I wanted to run and hide but apologised instead.

OP, I'd use it as a lesson as such and explain that's it's rude to say that to you and you must NEVER say that to anyone as it's upsetting.

My mum (famously) was out collecting things for a raffle with me (aged 4ish, so 35 years ago!) said (as one woman answered the door), “mummy! That lady looks just like mr greedy!”. Omfg is all I can imagine she thought.

Maybe her friend's getting a new sibling, or a teacher is pregnant-sometimes that gets them noticing, but like others say, point out why we don't talk about other people's bodies. Might be worth explaining why people might be different sizes-a colleague who put on a lot of weight due to illness had people far older that your daughter being rude to her.

A wonderful way to make the most of a real learning moment, indeed.

She’s 7 and she’s speaking like this to you!! Time she was told firmly and repeatedly if needed, that these comments are not welcome or acceptable from her.

I would say ‘yes’ I am too fat .. we all need to be a healthy weight for us to have a good life and I will be there any time soon !

Difficult. As not clear she was insulting you, she might not see it as a bad thing. Do yon want to explain to her that people often don’t want to be far or be seen as fat and therefore it’s not kind? I might be more inclined to say, yes i know I could lose a bit of weight but it’s hard for me as I feel hungry a lot. And I’m a bit sad about this, so I don’t need you to remind me? But I get that others wouldn’t want to say this.

When I was larger, if the kids ever said anything I’d just say something like “yes, all bodies are different. My tummy is a bit bigger than some at the moment cause it stretched when I was pregnant, and I like cake a bit too much. But I’m pretty proud of my body, it’s done some amazing things, like give birth to you! And I’m pretty strong etc”

I always made a point of never seeming phased by comments, or of being ashamed of my body.

I have also said to them at various points that it is always safer not to comment on other people’s bodies, cause you never know what they might be self conscious about, and it might make them sad.

I would say it isn't kind to make comments to people about their appearance (or talk about their appearance to other people) but I wouldn't say that it's not kind to call people fat. That plays into the idea that there's something bad about being fat.

Equally, I never wanted any of them to think that ‘fat’ was an insult.

I would say everyone is different shapes and sizes and we change through life..but saying things like that can upset people and people will think she's a bully.