To ask, honestly now, do some people see and treat 50 year old women differently according to whether or not they’ve had children?

[HolisticApp]

By ‘children’ I mean this includes kids over 18 - so not necessarily women in the throes of ‘family life’ as it were.

No. My best friend is 60 + and has no children. I work with women who are 50+ with no children they are treated the same as anyone else.

By differently, do you mean do some people put mother's up on a pedestal?

I think parents are different to non parents, simply due to the commitment involved in rearing a child and supporting offspring. Parenting /non parenting are very different lives, it makes sense that people would treat people differently depending on life circumstances.

I think only child free women's opinions are relevant on this.
I expect some are treated differently.

I am sure some people do, but I would say they are a tiny minority who are on the extreme fringes. Either those who think no woman is complete without becoming a mother or those who think women are destroying the planet if they become a mother.

Lol.

So when questioning if people in two groups have different treatment, only the people in one group have opinions that are relevant.

Right o.

I think that parenting can be a shared experience whether current or in the past and that can draw people together and as such others can be unintentionally left out a bit.

Only ever had one ignorant bloke ask me why I didn't have kids. I should have told him to do one. When I told him I had never wanted the responsibility, he said that's not normal. I'm 54, that was 3 years ago. Strange that no woman has ever asked me the same question.

I am not child free/ child less.Therefore I can't say if they are treated differently.
Just like I am not an authority on whether black people are treated differently in the workplace.

In a way, yes.

If someone asks me if the uk is racist or homophobic, as a white woman in a relationship with a man, I’m not best placed to answer.

I think you’re more likely to notice the differences in treatment when you’re the ones on the receiving end of the negativity. Otherwise it would be like asking a straight person for their experiences of homophobia; they might have witnessed overt homophobia but won’t necessarily pick up on the covert examples.

Why? Are you assuming that the childfree women are treated worse? In a workplace it can easily be the other way round. I think being perceived as a middle-aged mum figure is the kiss of death for being taken seriously in some contexts.

Of course that can happen to women who have no children too, just because that's the stereotype of what a middle-aged woman is - your/someone's mum, not a real three-dimensional human.

I don't think so as generally women 50+ with kids have older kids and don't have such stringent childcare commitments (or aren't expected to have them), which I think might be the main thing to cause women to be treated differently. So generally, for example, if an older woman has to go away for work she's not likely to be asked who's looking after the kids as it'll be assumed that if she has any, they'll be older (of course, not always the case - met a woman last night who is around fifty and has a toddler and a preschooler).

I never assume any woman I meet has kids, as quite a few of my long-time friends don't.

You cannot conflate race with being childfree.

I think it’s perfectly valid to not want the responsibility of children,but I also think if a man says this he tends to be viewed as shallow, commitment phobic,man child.

I'm 62 and I can't remember being asked if I have children. Though, when asked about plans for weekend or a week off work, I will say if we have plans to see the GC, but I doubt if my colleagues on my current team (most of whom I've worked with for more than 5 years) know how many children & GC I have.

I'm very careful not to ask if people have children or GC as it may dig up unpleasant memories of miscarriages, infertility etc apart from being none of my business.

Mothers are most definitely on the receiving end of negativity as much as childfree women are. This isn’t a winner vs loser dichotomy

No but race always has to get a mention.

Thanks for all your responses.

The reason for me asking this is something I saw in relation to a woman in work. Some people in work thought she was a childless, single 50 year old but when they learned that she had a 25 year old daughter they seemed to me to act more positively towards her. The men who used to ‘banter’ involving slight sexual innuendo instantly became more respectful and reined themselves in.

No, the OP asked if we judge women without kids so it's for everyone.

Personally I do "judge" them if they have decided to be childfree, but in a positive way. I think they are strong to go against society's expectations on women to have children and I sometimes envy them.

But mothers get positivity too. Childfree women less so.

Why are men using sexual innuendo in the workplace? I wont tolerate that from anyone.

Not something I’ve ever come across and I have friends both with and without children, and we’re all in our 60s.

No exactly it’s awful and disrespectful

As a woman, deciding on motherhood is one of the most important decisions you are ever likely to make. I didn't think about the longer term, so worrying about how I would be seen or treated wasn't an issue. I do think child free men are less stigmatised.

I get what you mean. It is almost certainly included in every conversation. It has happened a bit recently from both men and women. It is just assumed you are married and have kids - how many and what do they do etc. If you say you don't have any it is like a conversation stopper. Wild assumptions are then made why you don't and it goes downhill from there. It is like a tick box which must be ticked to gain the approved status.

Men do this quite a bit as they are at a loss to know what else to talk to you about (bless 'em). They seem at a loss to ask about work, life experience etc as they just don't think as a woman we have any other than childcare.