To ask, honestly now, do some people see and treat 50 year old women differently according to whether or not they’ve had children?

[HolisticApp]

By ‘children’ I mean this includes kids over 18 - so not necessarily women in the throes of ‘family life’ as it were.

Termination for medical reasons. Or, in other words, being boxed in by medical reasons into aborting a wanted pregnancy along with all your dreams of holding the child you were growing and letting go of all the imagined futures you had built. It's not like it's like getting a tooth pulled.

This is the nail on the head.

But they just double down and turn professionally offended if you point it out.

We can all see it.

No it’s not but if you’re going to collect for that, then you can’t not collect for the person who is infertile and just had a massive operation for the condition that made her infertile
or at least you don’t add the infertile post op person to the group and then make her admin…

It's how you conduct yourself that makes people respect you, I'm in my 50's, no children. I interact daily with plenty of people and it's very rare I get asked if I have children or not, maybe prospective dates or my GP. I'm glad I'm child free and If someone didn't reapect me because i have no children I would think there's something wrong with him/her.

my honest opinion of a childless woman age 50 is that she may go on to have a biological child because while highly unusual - especially in today’s society with its scientific advances - certainly not unknown.

However even if she didn’t have a family biologically she could meet someone with kids and even grandkids - and in essence, have a family. I know a man who this has happened to cos even this he had his own biological daughter when he was 30 - and they get on well - the daughter has such a jet setting lifestyle that actual contact is very limited. His day to day family life is very much more centred around his non biological family.

So a childless woman of 50 may not be childless at 55 , 60.

But family aside, I’d 100% judge on personality not parental status

Agree with everything here

Maybe they really liked one person and aren't that close to the other?

I put in £50 to a colleague collection having his first baby, because he's a brilliant colleague and I wanted to support that. Equally another a man handed in his notice, and I put a quid in that collection because I just don't like him and frankly glad he's left. And that's ok. You can't be everyone's cup of tea.

It's nothing to do with children. I'd have given colleague A £50 if he was leaving and having a collection. Likewise, colleague B would have had a quid put in for a pregnancy collection.

I cant say really ive never felt people being differently with me.
Although i have had the odd eye role and the i dont believe you have 2 grown up kids that have moved out your 38 not 50.
But nothing much just the normal.

I thought so, but didn't want to presume. Thank you. 😊

I don't, no.

I treat everyone with the same level of respect and kindness (while they deserve it).

One of my close friends is 53 amd childless. She has an amazing spirit and we've been friends for 19 years. She leads an amazingly full and rich life, and when I want to escape the drudgery of being 'mom', I can hang out with her and be free.
Whilst she loves and is always interested in what my daughter gets up to; I can also spend time with her, free of parenting talk etc, if that makes sense. I love her.

Sounds ideal for both of you.

Spot on. It’s so dismissive.

If a woman posted, for example, that after she had kids she feels men now treat her differently in the workplace or dating world, or motherhood is hard or whatever it is - I wouldn’t be rushing on here to say she’s a “victim” or whatever.

glad I have friends from all walks of life who can listen openly to each others experiences without trying to silence each other with accusations of “victim” mentality

I’ve had 2 MMC (one of which involved surgery) and 2 normal miscarriages and now can never have children. I would find it weird to have a group and collection for someone having a TFMR or a pulled tooth. Both equally weird. And I wouldn’t appreciate being put in to such a group either. I certainly wouldn’t expect a collection/flowers for my miscarriages either despite having “all my dreams of holding a child and the future I’d planned gone”.

They’re collecting because she’s been in hospital more than what it’s actually for
I dunno. I left the group the second I got added as admin when I was days out of hospital and struggling alone

@childfree2025I hope you are getting better. It is breathtakingly cruel and dismissive of your experience. You did the right thing removing yourself as admin.

Then surely, by your own admission here, if the context of the medical procedures is by the by, then the last thing it's got to do with is your parental status.

One woman at work went into hospital and people wanted to do a collection for her. Another went into hospital and no one did a collection for her.

And you conclude from that, they obviously dislike that you're child free so that's the reason for the difference in treatment?

No, it’s because time and time again it’s been
“do you have children?”
”no”
< person turns away and starts conversation about children with the next person to me >

constant collections/food delivery/cards/gifts for childbirth or pregnancy related stuff

I’ve been living it for years and I’m done now, 2 people in hospital at the same time, both equal colleagues, but one pregnancy related and one not, and work only collect for one of them?

Never. I’ve got loads of friends of that age that have never had kids.

But you just said that people didn't collect for the reason it was pregnancy related...

They’re collecting because she’s been in hospital more than what it’s actually for

I'd chip in for some of my colleagues if they were in hospital/leaving/retiring/new house. And not for others. Because not everyone likes everyone. And that's ok.

If you're determined to make your parental status the reason your colleagues didn't do a collection for you, I guess that's your call.

Yes

That's such a strange post I'm in that she category. I have lots of friends with or without children. It's never crossed my mind to treat anyone differently. Why would I?

"Some" people do and think pretty much everything imaginable.

I think there is some difference, not by me, but I have seen my parents and some extended family act differently towards my childfree siblings who are close to 50. Kind of patronising them, which I really hate personally. They treat them like they are still children.

I don’t have kids by choice. Friends mostly do but a couple without. I take an interest in my friends’ kids but wouldn’t offer advice unless it was something I happened to know about. When their kids were younger they seemed to like the more adult focused chat and the fact I didn’t judge their parenting!

I couldn’t give a fuck about being judged by strangers or acquaintances about my childfree status. How narrow minded to think that because someone hasn’t had exactly the same life experiences as you there is something lesser about them. Their loss.

Hmm. I was going to say no as a 40 year old child free woman as none of my friends are at all judgy but then I remembered my parents 🤣 or more specifically my mum. She still mentions that I'm missing out, time is running out, what will you DO with your life without kids?!?!

I've never wanted them and am perfectly happy. What will I do with my life? Continue going on nice holidays, to festivals and gigs and restaurants etc with DH.

I'm not putting down having kids, it's just not for me and thankfully not for DH (was one of our conversations very early on when we met and the relief on both sides was palpable!)