To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

It’s a mixture I think!

Your DP is controlling re not making any noise when they’re asleep (although of course you should try to minimise), not being able to be alone, all the cleaning must be done first etc.

You are unreasonable by being such a martyr! Get up and do the things you want to do, don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t.

You don’t need to make an almighty noise getting ready but obviously you don’t have to remain in PJs until she is up. Of course you can move your toiletries and clothes the night before that’s just silly - you’re a dr and therefore must be intelligent. I can understand that using a shower in the en suite would wake someone, but it seems like there’s another shower you could use. Or if you’re going walking, have a shower afterwards.

You’re a weird mix between ridiculously helpless and bowing down to nonsense.

Morning people aren’t superior to everyone else, and I get her need to lie in. For those of us who are night owls, the whole weekly schedule goes against our natural rhythm so the need to catch up a bit on the weekend is a real need - we’re in massive sleep debt all the time and it’s quite debilitating!

But you should feel able to do your own thing without too much fuss and some tiny tweaks.

YABU to let your 15 yo be on line all day btw - and I say that having a 16 yo and an 11 yo.

Edit - I’m also pushed towards YABU by the disguising of the sex of the partners, as it suggests you’re quite manipulative. Every situation is affect by the sex of the people involved due to the inherent power imbalance, social conditioning etc, so you’ll never get a fully considered answer if you disguise this.

I couldn’t live with someone who had to have me wait around in silence to make them coffee when they wake.
Not able to put clothes out or buy a second set of toiletries for the main bathroom is a ridiculous excuse too.

Could the budget stretch to a cleanser so the housework is done freeing up a Saturday? We have a cleaner on a Thursday and then the food shop is delivered on a Thursday evening. I’m off every Friday so use the time to do other jobs like change bedding, pop to individual shops, meet a friend etc leaving the weekend more open for family time, meeting friends, trips etc.

keep a toothbrush in the main bathroom. Get up, brush your teeth, head out.
i assume you’ve had a shower the day before so it’s fine to go out for a walk, come home then have a shower.
you could go to some really interesting places in those 5 hours. Or even go to shops, have breakfast out, meet a friend for a coffee and a walk, even further afield.
Can some of these jobs be done on Friday evening? I love to get as much done then so the weekend is a bit more restful.
Tell your dh to stop imposing his rules on you and you’ll go out whenever you please. Honestly, just stop living your life miserably by someone else’s pace and ideas.
Sometimes you need to compromise, which means he has to meet you at some points too rather than you obliging him all the time.

Because of my job for the last zillion years, my body clock is set to wake me at 6am. My husband wakes far later. He is retired, I will be soon. I often go for a walk and get back to make breakfast and clean up the kitchen before he's up and about. It's fine if a couple operate in different ways, but you have to talk to each other, explain what you want, and find a way round it.

PS - DP is a woman. And I’m a man.

Might have helped to say this sooner to prevent the usual comments about women being skivvies and doing all the chores.

It’s completely your own fault if you’re making excuses as to why you can’t do this simple task. If you’re that bothered about it that you need to post on mumsnet, you could solve the problem VERY easily yourself by just popping a few bits in a different bathroom the night before.

Also I don’t get why you can take on extra volunteer shifts at work but not go for a walk?
You talk about how you couldn’t go for a walk anyway as you have to be back to make your wife a coffee (ridiculous) so then how are you able to take extra weekend shifts at work?

It sounds like you’re just creating problems, wanting to be a martyr and not interested at all in (very obvious) solutions.

So your partner can't amuse herself at home if you're out?

That's a whole other issue.

What a pathetic state of affairs 🤷‍♀️

im struggling to believe that this is real especially with the drip feed half way though when the OP was being told not to be so pathetic and just buy a spare set of toiletries and lay clothes out at night that the OP is man

Yep, that pretty much sums it up!

Saw your post, you’re a man, partner is a woman. Same advice applies, do your own thing, and don’t be dictated too so much. You want to get out and have a nice time on a weekend? Do it and leave her in bed to make her own coffee and clean up.
or your life will become like mine…a boring drudge all week

I'd get on and finish my housework if they are all in bed. Or go out for a walk if you want to. I don't start at 6am, but quieter jobs then 8am for vacuuming etc is reasonable. He sounds a bit precious to be honest.

Presumably you aren't laying in bed next to him for fear of waking him so just leave some clothes and a toothbrush outside. Go out and enjoy a nice early morning walk / run / swim. Return with some nice pastries and coffee for when the others wake and then you can go and do something as a family. I would not be spending the best part of the day doing chores either, they can wait for Sunday night.

Sums up what it took me several paragraphs to say!

Your DP is controlling and you are a martyr.
Can't be by herself? Can' t make her own coffee? WTF?

Write a note the night before or put it on your phone.

1 Towel
2 Toothbrush
3 Deodorant
4 Sunblock/face cream...........whatever

Clothes.

The thing that makes it so funny is that no one could believe the OP was unable to organise toiletries and a change of clothes the night before - but being a man does seem to make this believable, albeit still unreasonable either way!

You don't need to sit around waiting for your girlfriend to wake up so you can serve her coffee. That's your choice.

Like everyone is saying- take control of your life and do whatever you enjoy.

I think they are not the problem, it's you. You seem to allow them to dictate your lifestyle. Get out of the house when you get up. Have coffee/breakfast out, go for a walk, enjoy the morning. Why do you have to do everything with your husband? Are you joined at the hip? What would happen if you (God forbid!) you disturb him or your daughter by getting dressed as they sleep in? What would happen if they get up and you're not home? Can't they make their own breakfast?? Start their day, and then you walk in refreshed from your morning out?
Sincerely, you have to stand up for yourself. Why watch box sets you don't like? Why hoover when you want to be outdoors? Perhaps you could use some therapy?

DP doesn't like being alone at the weekend, but you don't like sitting around waiting for her to get up. She now expects a coffee bought to her first thing. What about your needs?
Maybe spend your alone time doing some online assertiveness training. Sounds like both of you are being unfair to you. Are you experiencing burnout, I ask as a retired NHS worker, who didn't realise just how exhausted I was until months after my retirement?
If you can't sort this yourself seek out some talking therapy.

Oh, I can easily believe it. There are plenty of threads on here from people who seem to just go through life as passengers in their own story - it's bonkers.

That was meant to be fairly lighthearted!

I think they’re both the problem and I thought that before I saw the drip feed! 😂

We compromise because im
up at 6 and want to get out, my husband would be happy relaxing at home all weekend.
We agree on a time we want to go out, later than I want, earlier than he wants but a compromise. We tend to have one busier day where we do nothing around the house and then the other day some jobs and go out for a walk or something.

Does your Dp work?

There are things that are polite not to do when rest of the house is asleep. Showering is something you can do as well as general getting ready for the day stuff. Make your own plans for the weekend. Tell your partner what you'd like to do, if they want to do things together they should join you. If they dont then do it yourself. Organise stuff with friends. Partner can't dictate that you do. On Saturday do an activity you want and then watch a boxset in the evening.