To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

I can't imagine the conversations with friends.

"I am not allowed to sleep at the weekend, because my wife doesn't allow it, and insist on hoovering and cleaning from 8am on Saturdays and Sundays"

How attractive 😂

Stop being so passive and just get on with your day.

If she doesn't like being alone, then that's her issue quite frankly. Stop tiptoeing round a grown adult woman.

Weekend shifts are earlier so DP has more time to get back to sleep. Again she’s not so keen on being home alone - but work is an easier ‘sell’ than a leisure activity. And more fun than sitting indoors all day

Irrespective of your genders, you’re allowing your time to be entirely dictated by someone else. You could quite easily go out for a walk whilst your DP is in bed, it’s their issue if they don’t like solitude.

I think there are different points to consider here. The first is the you are up at 7am and the rest of the family sleeps until 10am. This is golden time! So many things you could do with those 3 hours either on your own or meet a friend. Park run, gym/class, coffee and a book, a walk somewhere nice…The obstacles to doing something like this are minimal. You have a main bathroom as well as an en suite. All you need really is toothpaste, shower gel and deodorant in the main bathroom (just get when you next go to the supermarket) and clothes don’t need to be anything special or well thought out, just something easy like leggings t shirt, sweatshirt and underwear. Although I have to say, the point about your DP being a light sleeper is not something that should stop you doing things more generally. Both my DH and I wake up easily in the mornings but neither would dream of the other not being able to do stuff just so we don’t wake the other person up. We obviously try be quiet etc. but that’s the extent of it.
The other issue is communication with your partner as it reads like she holds all the cards here and you go along with her preferences. I’m not sure why, if she is controlling or you are just not communicating about what you’d like or if you are and she responds badly. We all relax in different ways and have different ways of what feels the better way to do things, so it’s a question of compromise. Those early mornings can already be something fun for you. For the rest of the day, why not agree to do something outside the house and then be at home? If you all do certain jobs in the weekend, then agree each can do their bit when they choose so you can do something, on your own, with your DD or friends if they prefer to stay at home. Sunday lunch out as a family and a walk could be something you do regularly. Or brunch and a walk on Saturday. Or each family member chooses an activity you do as a family each weekend. It sounds like you are maybe bored with the routine of life which I can relate to/have feelings of being stuck but there are things you can do to change things. If your DP does not respond positively to suggestions or expressions of what you need, then deeper reflection about your relationship may be needed. Based on what you’ve disclosed so far, there are possible solutions available. Best wishes x

He can sleep all he wants - and does - he's regularly in bed until 11am and naps in the afternoons. Nobody stops him. But equally, he doesn't stop me from doing the things I want to do either.

Such a hard life he has 😂

What about what you want? So she wants you to be there with her and bring her coffee.

What would happen if you said that every Sunday you will get up and go for a walk. How would she react?

This is not a way to live life. You’re your own person.

It's irrelevant whether your DP is a man or a woman. The point is that they are an adult and they can learn to make their own coffee and suck up being 'home alone' for a few hours.

Stop with the coffee and DP will have to get used to doing (mostly boring things by the sound of it) in the house on their own sometimes at the weekend.

I would go for a morning swim and shower there. Just put swimming kit by the door the night before. Get brunch on the way back if they’re still in bed.

Also, get a cleaner so not spending all weekend doing chores if possible!

Anyone else worried that an NHS doctor can't organise what he wears to go out for a walk?

Buck up love it's hardly brain surgery!

what are you scared of?

It's not normal to be what is frankly, a doormat. Are you scared she will leave you if you don't obey her rules? Do you think she's so out of your league you need to pander to her every whim?

It doesn't matter to me if you are the man or woman to be honest. The only difference is that a man can more easily go out and do their own things at dawn, while we are more cautious because we don't feel safe.

Of course, let her sleep, that's a given. But why staying home doing your own thing.

At worst, plan all chores and cleaning on Saturday, so it's absolutely done. And Bugger off on Sundays, alone or with friends if she doesn't want to join. She can't complain if the house is then cleaned to her standards

God, exactly.

Is she not embarrassed to behave the way she does? I would be!

DH goes to bootcamp on a Sunday morning at 7:15 he gets his stuff ready the night before, by the time he gets back DS and I are up and ready and we all have a late breakfast together before we go out about 10:30. We're at home today because we were out all day yesterday and ds wants to play in the garden. This is within your control. You want to do something early at the weekend just organise yourself the night before. Also we try and get all of our main jobs done in the week so we can enjoy the weekends other than a bit of laundry.

Get a second set of toiletries.

It sounds like you are not compatible, but you must be with him for a reason.

He needs to compromise, so that you alternate days out, or out in the morning and watch tv in the afternoon/evening. It's not fair for him to expect you to stay in all the time.

You can't dictate when he gets out, but he could be out a bit earlier, and ready for the day by 10am, or 11am say every other weekend

At the moment, he is being selfish by not going out, and you are letting this control your life. You need a decent talk with him, so that you can work out something fair for all of you. if not then you need to accept that this is your life and you won't do anything to change it.

As PP have suggested, get clothes ready the night before. XH used to get up at 4am most days and he would have everything ready in the bathroom so that he didn't need to turn the bedroom light on. You don't need to sit in silece, you need to be quiet if you are getting up that early but you can still get up, get ready and go out for an hour.

It's about compromise and not being selfish and at the moment he is just doing what he wants.

This, I manage perfectly fine spreading over into two bathrooms, and I live on my own! I always have a hand towel ready to use in the main bathroom (no shower but I use the toilet in there and will wash face/hands). Then the ensuite has bigger towel for using the shower.

Your DP sounds like a controlling bully.

If she has higher standards than you then let her do the housework.

You carry on with your day as you see fit.

.

This. The issue is about your poor organisation and/or personal initiative.
My advice stands to talk it through with her and try to decide how you want to spend family time. I find it difficult to believe that you can't self organise to go out for a walk, though.
I suspect that there are more factors at play here.

You sound like a wet lettuce , your ‘d’ p sounds like a controlling bully.

I don't get why you are on here complaining if you aren't willing to change anything.
You got trained, qualified and work as a GP but you can't put some clothes out the night before?
And do you really need to shower before going for a walk or cleaning? If so just keep a towel and toiletries in both rooms.

There must be an earliest time your DP will be awake. 9am maybe? Just say you'll be back for then. Staying in resentfully to make her a coffee when she wakes up, with no idea when that will be, is ridiculous. Make it when you get back and she can either accept that or make her own.

You're making a whole lot of assumptions there.

It's very unattractive to post rude and aggressive responses when you know nothing about other people.

Silly smiley emojis don't change your posts into thoughtful rather than rude, you know.

@TellMeWhyIHateSundays ffs grow a pair!
It takes 5 minutes to organise your shit on a Friday night to go out on a Saturday.
Shower the night before.
Find something you'd like to do - park run, shopping, cinema, whatever.
Then just go and do it.
Or organise an outing for you and kids to give wife some free time.
Stop being so ineffectual and live your life.

Get on with what you want to do, then they can get up and help.