To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

And nonsense to say you need to stay in the house until your DP wakes so you can bring her a cup of coffee. Do what my DP does each morning before he leaves for work, brings me up a cup of coffee and I’ll either be awake to drink it or it goes cold. Oe better still, just get out of the habit of making her coffee. She can do that herself.

Honestly, you sound like a doormat / or are being controlled by your wife without realising it.

Find a hobby? Friends dh is the same and he started coaching kids sport on Saturday morning.

Im super light sleeper. Snoozeband has worked wonders for me playing whitenoise and earplugs woih it if I'm on nights

Sod waiting for them to get up. If they need the sleep that badly they'd roll back over if disturbed.

We are going to start heading towards the darker mornings soon. Put your clothes out somewhere, grab your colder weather gear on the way out and drive to where you can watch the sun come up and drink a coffee watching it. In the meantime until then do park run and then swing by a coffee place or farmers market.

Honestly what is the point of life if you work all week and then stay in at the weekends? Personally I would prefer someone didn’t use an ensuite shower before 8am on the weekend but I think that is a reasonable time to gently start to wake the house. Maybe go downstairs and have breakfast, read in the back garden with a coffee and then go have your shower at 8am. My mum is an early riser when she visits she has often popped to the local bakery for a coffee and bread or else she is in the garden with a book/newspaper and a coffee when we get up.

Also if people weren’t awake by 8.30/9am I would deliberately start to hoover lol - 9am is a lie in! I have a toddler who violently jumps on us if we attempt to sleep past 8am. As a side note have you considered getting a robot vacuum cleaner and just setting it on timer to hoover downstairs at 8am or the night before? Does your partner do more cleaning than you and hold you hostage to get you to do your share? Maybe if you can afford it you could get a cleaner on Mondays or make some pocket money contingent on chores being done by kids during the week?

Do you ever present your partner with a plan or options for the weekend as sometimes the thing that would make me want a lazy day is thinking I have to plan everything. My partner is sort of rubbish at looking up what’s on and never packs up bags or the car for days out so I do get fed up of having to be the event planner and having to hussle everyone out the door. I would be thrilled if my partner looked at a few events pages and presented me with a few things we could do on a Saturday (and considered what I like too) and said do you feel like doing a) active thing like long walk or cycle in scenic location b) chill thing like beach trip, boat trip, visit a pretty town c) cultural thing - exhibit or museum d) local festivals and events.

The days we have just done a local walk or have been a bit lazy my partner gets a bit grumpy and says he hates not having something fun planned and I get annoyed because he expects me to be the one to plan it. If I’ve planned something bigger for the Saturday which means packing up the car, planning parking and activities sometimes on the Sunday I will lounge on the sofa as an almost protest - he’ll say “what are we doing today” and I’ll say “I don’t know, what are we doing” - he’ll have a moan but will take hours to actually formulate a plan at which point most the day is gone and what’s the point then. Obviously might be different in your case but I suggest being pro active - search the events pages for counties within an hour or so of you and write down a list of interesting events and things on and present it to your partner. If she’s not interested go to a few yourself or with a friend and see if she starts to get curious!

I sort of get this to an extent as I love do Do Stuff of a weekend and DH has always been more of a housework-and-boxset kind of a guy.

I think, as with so much, it is about compromise.

Why not have one weekend day as a day for a lie in, get chores done and relax with TV. The other day get out and do something as a family/couple.

Also it is totally ridiculous to restrict yourself to not doing anything early so you don’t wake you partner. Go to the gym or something, you can have a shower there! If getting her morning coffee is a big thing for you, then just aim to be back at the time you’d normally make it, and if she’s awake early she has to wait for a bit or get her own. That’s more than reasonable unless you are living with a tyrant.

Then you buy another set of toiletries and bring some towels to the main bathroom - this way you don’t have to move anything around. At this point it’s all excuses.

Stop tip toeing around him and make your own plans. He's not a precious newborn you're afraid to wake up in case they scream
Take your clothes into the bathroom for the next day and have your shower at night
Enjoy your weekends and don't let bloody DP dictate your routine

Before having young DC I used to wake up a couple of hours or so before DH. I normally did one or two of the following:

• went for a run
• got some nice bits for breakfast (something different from the week)
• light tidy/clean - pop bits in the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen surfaces, quick sweep of the floor
• read my phone/book/a weekend paper in the garden if the weather was good, or in a comfy indoor spot with a coffee

I think you have to reframe it as (extra) time for yourself and then crack on with bits you want to do, rather than time spent waiting for everyone else to wake up. You're less likely to just kill time that way. If i'd done just one of the above I was normally better set up for the day with DH anyway, as it meant i'd already done my exercise, or removed a chore or two, or got a treat to start everyone off in a good mood. So no need to feel guilty about doing something without DP (it sounds like this is maybe a concern?).

Just go out in the morning before the others are up.

DH is a late riser at the weekends whereas I can't sleep past 6am as that is when I get up in the week. So I go out for a breakfast on my own on a Sunday which is my chill out/kindle time. Saturday's I usually go out early and get all my shopping done between 7 and 8am as the local butchers, grocers etc all open early. I love it.

Why does DP dictate what’s is done and when?

Each to their own I guess, but I’m like you, I hate sofa sitting during the day. I think it’s a waste of a life to just do that with your spare time. My partner used to be like yours but I just started doing things without him and he soon felt left out and started asking if he could join me. I do still tend to go for walks on my own though and I quite like the p and q.

Can you just leave some clothes out the previous evening and change somewhere else for an early morning walk or bike ride, that’s usually the best time. Who cares if you haven’t showered before, can’t be that much of a problem to wait until you’re back…maybe leave something to brush teeth and comb hair. Find somewhere to have a relaxing coffee and a pastry, leave the lazy buggers to their own devices for a while.

If you wake early and the rest of the house is asleep, take yourself off for a walk - either on your own, or join a walking group. Carve out time for yourself and lay down the law regarding household chores. They should be completed by everyone at a time that is reasonable and not just when DH deems it so.

Honestly that sounds miserable OP, he needs to compromise, the jobs need to be done later so you can still go out, or he needs to suck up the noise of you getting ready. It's a him problem and the answer isn't for you to tip tow around and do nothing all weekend.

Have a shower the night before or get ready in the family bedroom instead of the en-suite. Then go out for the morning and if they wish to join you later they can. It’s nice they get lay ins as I’m sure they work hard at school/work all week. But that can’t stop you going about your day

You need to take charge of your weekends!! You could be doing so much more.

I love my weekends, I never sit still, and there's so much to do.

For me, it's mainly "introvert" activities such a reading, artwork and gardening on my allotment. Also visits out to interesting places like markets (London) or small towns/gardens in the surrounding area.

Dh used to spend a lot of time doing his own thing, golf, sleep YouTube, but I don't let that stop me doing what I want to do. In fact I see it as an opportunity to set my own agenda. 😆

Now it's dh who wants to do stuff together. Even dd2 (19) has started wanting to come out with us.

He sounds controlling

You need to book yourself on an assertiveness course and stop being such a pushover - do what YOU want to do (you’ve earned it) and if it wakes them up tough! GET A GRIP!

Geez OP, take some responsibility and take some control of your life! You’re just letting everything be dictated by DP? You need to help youself, none of us can help you. Just tell her you’re going out for a walk, and not doing chores in the middle of the day, and definitely not watching tv in the day when it’s nice out! Maybe you two are just not compatible. Otherwise, find a compromise

I worry about the NHS....

Use the shower at the gym. Hold-all packed and ready, gym kit by hold-all. Coffee on way home. Sorted. At 10 am come in clattering 😆

You’re letting your DPs needs dictate your life too much. You say you can’t use the en suite due to the noise. I’d tell him to bugger off. But if you want to be a bit nicer at that isn’t there a family bathroom you could use to get ready?

your DP wants to watch tv. That’s fine. He can do that to his hearts content but he can’t make you do it too. Tell him you can watch tv on the evening together but you’re going to go out during the day.

Saturday wasn’t the best weather here. DP wanted to fiddle with his stereo equipment. That would bore me to tears. I went and did park run and then met a friend for breakfast and had a walk round the plant nursery’s. Just because he wants to stay in doesn’t mean you have to!!

do you have any outdoor hobbies? Starting something like park run could be a way to get out of the house. I don’t see how your DP could object to you wanting to go out and exercise. You don’t have to run it.

Because Im not organised enough to arrange moving the towels and toiletries to the main bathroom the night before! Nor to getting my clothes out - I have enough stress trying to decide what to wear on the morning!!

You don’t have towels and toiletries in the main bathroom? You can’t choose clothes?
Is this all some kind of weird wind-up?

Go out and enjoy the morning sunshine. By the time you come back you'll feel you've already done something lovely. It'll make you feel so positive :-) You can either take a shower in the other bathroom before you head off or shower when you come back. You can't hang around waiting for sleepyheads to wake up!!