To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

I am a light sleeper and like a lie in, it doesn’t stop my OH getting up and going out in the morning! He has often been for a run or gone to the supermarket before the rest of us surface. Very weird that you can’t get yourself up and out when you want to.

Such a non issue. Get up put some clothes on, put your trainers on and walk out your front door.

You are not unreasonable and you need to make how you feel plain to your husband.

I hope you have help in the house at least so don't have to clean every weekend, that would certainly get me down. Ironing can go to an ironing shop, car can be washed at a car wash, shopping ordered online. Gardening can be done fortnightly and on one day, not both days of a weekend.

I’ve put yabu but only because you are living like a mouse so your DP can sleep until 10. Then having her dictate how you spend the weekend. Get up either go out or get some quieter jobs done, if that wakes her up then she will need to get up and start her day or get some ear plugs. Set up a mini to go bag in another room so you always have weekend clothes to get up and go. Tell DP you’re going out the night before and to text you when she wakes up.

@TellMeWhyIHateSundays you are in control of your own life. Stop hanging around waiting and go out and do something.
I agree get the clothes and shower organised the night before .
Id be bored too cleaning and watching tv all weekend every weekend.
A sit down and compromise is needed . You go out Saturday morning come back and do something as a couple . (Out the house )
then Sunday get a roast on in the afternoon hoover round and chill with a glass of wine and a movie ?
This still leave Sunday morning free to fill
mind you .

Nobody will care now the replies will change.
He should be waiting to make her coffee. He should be doing housework.
He’s not around all week ! Blah blah

It’s ridiculously entitled and inconsiderate to ask your family to be silent until you want to wake up. OP can’t shower or do anything until their DP is awake, that’s not inconsiderate, it’s plain abusive

Put your clothes etc downstairs the night before, so you can get ready and go out! I would go mad from the sitting around too.

Sounds to me that weekends are all on your DP's terms and there's no compromise. Healthy relationships require a middle ground.

You could alternate, so on Saturdays there's a lie in for DP but on Sundays you get up and out.

I get it BTW. I'm the same as you and my DH is the same as your DP. I absolutely hate feeling like I've wasted the weekend but I have to accept that other people relax in different ways. We try to strike a balance.

Life is too short for this crap.

Go do what you want seriously. Don't let everyone dictate how you want to live! Especially not your husband.

Just book yourself in for things, or find like minded people to do stuff with. And to be honest if someone is such a over sensitive misery that you using the ensuite to have a shower first thing sends them into a decline then tough, buy him a bottle of smelling salts and a fainting couch for his birthday. I would be joining an operatic group and using the shower acoustics for my practise sessions, but that’s because I am mean!

This may have been suggested several times (I haven't read the thread and suspect the tone has pivoted since you mentioned you are a man)... But have you considered taking up gardening? It will be a thought at first but you can do it before anyone is up (not mowing but everything else), leave dirty clothes in a porch/utility and gets you outside.

It is not something I ever thought I'd do but i am completely obsessed now. Love it. My DH still thinks is very amusing as I'm typically very anti physical labour of any description.

I honestly thought at first this was my dh posting 😄

still could be if he’s changed some details to suit (it’s not as he always puts his clothes etc in the spare room the night before)

the difference is I don’t mind at all if dh has a shower etc and goes out if I’m still asleep. If we’re doing something together we’ll plan what time we need to go out so we’re ready. Why can’t you just talk to each other about weekend priorities?

Get up. Go out.

You are being ridiculous.

Stop whining and organize yourself.

Your partner can get her own bloody coffee.

You could also clean the house Friday night.

Surely you can get out of the bedroom without him waking up? Get clother ready in the evening to save opening the wardrobes and just go?
He is ridiculous about having to do the chores first. Moreover when he stops you from doing them.

You have another bathroom available? Just use that?

I'm a bit like your DP in this situation, so my DH goes off and works on the allotment or goes to do the shopping or take a walk while I'm still asleep, so that he is able to still get on with things that please him. Then I'll WhatsApp him once I'm up and he heads home when he's ready.

It's not fair on you for your DP to insist you stay at home being quiet while she sleeps. It's your life too and your days off, so get out there, and bloody organise yourself to put your clothes and toiletries in the main bathroom.

100% book yourself in to do something really fun!

• park run
• cycling
• yoga
• pilates
• meditation group
• walking group
• personal trainer
• spa day (groupon)
• volunteering
• dog walk
• coffee with friend or family member
• Creative class like cooking, painting, pottery
• indoor climbing
• five a side football
• watch a sports game
• religious group
• choir
• political group or a cause

Anything you fancy. The world’s your oyster.

I thought it was mine with just a job title change for anonymity 😂😂😂

Well then get organised. It’s not difficult to put towels in the bathroom and leave underwear leggings and a top out.

Partner's demands are unreasonable. Quiet hours until late morning, come on now. Controlling the schedule of what time chores get done, they can do theirs on their time frame and you do yours on your time frame. Get a bit more organized

White noise machine and earplugs.

Get some things done in the morning and go out for some outside activity. You should not be chained to the home because their thing is watching TV. (I would not last long with that, I have to move. Maybe I'm a shark).

Your partner comes off as controlling.

You really don’t need to get ready to go for a walk. Shoes and coat on, that’s it

Am the sloth in my partnership. I try - but I am a night owl (or need more sleep) while DH is definitely a lark.

He tends to leave clothes on the landing to get dressed a lot. Or at least have slippers and a fluffy top to put on over pjs to go downstairs and make his own breakfast/coffee, read papers online etc. Sometimes he even gets on with laundry etc. And if he is dressed, he may go out for coffee, a walk, do food shopping…

I try to not stay there late. I have no expectations of coffee/tea in bed. Housework gets done when it works - immediately if the weather is bad and house is a mess, but delayed to later if the weather is great or there are things we want to do.

we both work long hours so weekends are important to decompress. Both of us. Which means getting out and getting fresh air as well as catching up on the house and prepping for the week ahead.

Chat with your family and say that going forward, you are getting up and ready for the day at 8am in the morning and you’ll be as quiet as possible. That you’ll be going out for exercise or whatever from 9am on the mornings and will be back around 12 noon/1pm, earlier if they’d like to do something with you.

Arrange for a cleaner to come in on Friday’s so there is no need to clean at weekends. If there are errands to be done outside of the home, do some of them yourself on Saturday mornings.

You can’t let your partner dictate the pace and format of your weekends - not allowed get up early/not allowed to and do anything/you need to sit and look at tv for the afternoon with your DP - say what you’d like to do/ask what their plans are/maybe suggest lunch out and an activity with your DP/DD and if they prefer to stay in, go do something yourself.