To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

This

You have a problem that is not a weekend problem … it’s a lack of agency problem …

come on !!! Employ logical brain here and sort Yourself out a decent day on weekends !!!

Why don’t you make a list of everything you fancy doing

No one is going to change your weekends unless you decide to do it yourself! Decide what you will enjoy, get up, go and do it and come home. I love going to the beach at the weekend. I get up whilst the DC and DH are in bed, get dressed downstairs and go out with a friend for a swim and coffee. I get back mid morning when the family are rising and it sets me up for the weekend.

If your DP a) doesn't do solitude and wants to wake to coffee and company, and b) doesn't wake up at a regular predictable time, that seems to mean that they expect you to put everything else on hold to just be around for them whenever they want you, regardless of your own preferences, interests and needs.

This is frankly ridiculous.

It would be different if your DP had some physical health problem that meant they couldn't physically get up by themselves and you literally HAD to be on hand for them whenever needed... but it doesn't sound like this is the case. And even if it were the case, it would be reasonable for you to both agree on some sort of getting-up time / routine that doesn't involve you putting your life on hold constantly, in much the same way that people who require support from paid carers arrange set times for those carers to visit each day.

If your DP does expect you to fulfil the role that I set out in my first paragraph, their expectations are unfair and unreasonable and need to b challenged for the sake of your own wellbeing.

If they don't expect you to fulfil that role and you're just pandering to them out of habit, you need to challenge yourself on why you're doing that.

I say 'need' - obviously you don't actually 'need' to do anything. It's all a question of what you're prepared to put up with. Presumably when you take an extra work shift and head off, your DP survives without you... why can't they manage without you for a few hours whilst you do your own thing?

OP IS a man.
Post after post about the OP being an oppressed woman yet not one person seems to have bothered to actually read the OPs post where he had stated he is a man.

Of course he’s a man. He’s being awkward AF in every single one of his posts. Not a single woman on Mumsnet could come up with a solution here that would suit him so let’s all leave him to wallow in his miserable weekends for the rest of his life…

This is hopeless. Just get yourself organised. Enjoy your Saturday mornings doing whatever you want to do. Get your partner to give you a call when she's up and about, so you can meet up. This isn't difficult, you just need to be a bit more independent - it's entirely up to you.

I'd go walk or gym/swim shower when there or when you get home if out a walk. My ex dp was always up earlier than me I didn't expect him to be silent and not get ready for the day just so I could lie in

You sound extremely passive OP. You don't enjoy your weekend because every single thing is dictated by your partner.

• You can't get ready when you wake up because your partner doesn't want you to make any noise
• you can't do anything fun in the morning because your partner wants to do housework then
• you can't go out for a walk with your partner because they don't like going out, so you end up staying in for an activity that you don't enjoy (tv)
• you can't go out alone because your partner doesn't like being alone

This isn't normal, or fair, or healthy. It's not good that you'd rather work in a stressful job than spend tiem with your partner. You may as well be single.

Talk to your partner. Tell them that you're not enjoying your weekend and ask to compromise. Do the housework in the evenings or get a cleaner. Do activities that you both enjoy or take turns picking. If there is no compromise then you need to stand up for yourself and just say you're doing x ans go out and do what you enjoy

Who made your DP boss?

Do whatever you want. Get up, get ready, potter around the house putting a wash on etc, clean some bits, go out for a walk, meet friends for coffee.

This is your life. I can’t believe that as an NHS doctor, you’d rather work an extra shift and sacrifice your weekend than inconvenience your DP.

why does your DP get the overriding vote on everything?
read your post back again
DP gets to decide when the rest of the household gets up (in all practical terms if you can't even get dressed and just sit there silently)
DP gets to decide how much noise is made
DP gets to decide when chores are done
DP gets to decide what activities you do to relax
DP gets to decide what tv you watch
Get a grip and say no if you're unhappy.

And as for not being able to decide what to wear the night before - what? You're going for a walk, nobody cares what you wear, just stick a hoody and some jeans/joggers and a t shirt in your car so you can at least leave the house if you want while they're sleeping.

You need to be home to bring them a coffee?
Your weekends are boring because you are being ridiculous.
If your DP doesn't like being alone, then tell them to get to earlier.

Go out for a walk when you get up.

This sounds like a really weak excuse! Bit pathetic.

This is on you .. you are you your own person with interests of your own and by the sounds of it an uncompromising husband.
If you want to go for a walk early go enjoy your time off.
Not everything has to be done together.
Tell him to get earplugs.

This

You are making this sound so hard.

Just dump your running, swimming, cycling, walking clothes somewhere the night before whatever you like to do. Then go!

By 11am on Saturday I'd been for a 10k run and then had a wander round the local artisan market before heading home tge find bleary eyed dh getting a coffee and DS on his pc making plans to go out.

If your DP doesn't like alone time in the house she is welcome to join you but that seems silly if she'd rather lie in.

Tell HER to get earplugs.and too make her own bloody coffee..
You do you and leave your wife to it.

You have independent time every Saturday and Sunday morning! Reframe it.

This morning I was at the pool by 8am. Swimming bag packed the night before and I showered before swimming at the pool. Then I had solo breakfast in a nearby cafe and read a chapter of my book. I was home by 10:30am and already felt I had accomplished loads.

yesterday morning my groceries arrived at 9am - so technically I had done a huge weekly task by 9:10am! Then I went for a walk through the park (in the rain) and listened to a podcast.

nothing huge but the mornings were well spent and I didn’t feel like I had wasted the day.

Do the jobs in a Friday evening
Relax until they are wake up or go and do something by yourself

Ultimately you can't change your partner's preferences, but you can change how you respond. She is never going to wake up and suddenly want to bound out the door at 6am. So choose for yourself. You're clearly unhappy with things as they are - it's up to you to change them.

Get yourself organised! Decide what you will wear the night before and put it on when you get up. Go out and do whatever you want. Tell DP to text you when she's up. Or just agree you'll be out till x time each weekend. You're not in a prison!

Otherwise, wait for your family to change their habits forever....

I'm like you, or I wake up before my DH. When I'm motivated, I'll go to the gym, do a class or swim.

Other times I'll sew and watch something guilt free or listen to audible whilst cooking.

A manager referred to this time as a golden time. You’re awake, and it's 100% your time. He suggested self development books. I prefer Eggs Benedict.

Exactly.
Why are you allowing yourself to be controlled by a controlling partner?
If you are an NHS doctor, you can manage to prepare some clothes the night before and make your own decisions.