To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

This sounds like my weekends.
Looking forward to it and then wish it was a week day.
I have started getting jobs done Thurs and Fri night and then we have Saturday to finish off jobs and do something and then Friday is for chilling and a nice walk if we feel up to it.
Tell your husband that one of the days you want to be up and out and the other is for doing nothing if he chooses / lie in etc.

You enjoy making assumptions, don't you?

If someone wants to sleep late at the weekend, they can, but they can't expect the rest of the world to stop to accommodate their preference. Our neighbours are often up and out before us at weekends, it's really not an issue.

And yes, I get up early, so DH wears earplugs if he wants to sleep in. I prefer going to bed early so I wear earplugs then, so that he can stay up late without disturbing me. No drama or issues on either side.

It's not your weekend that's the problem
It's your DP.
Swap him for a different one ,or a single life and you would be happy .
Why do you let him dictate what you do .
He can get ear plugs so not to wake up ..go about your day as you wish ,stop pussy footing him and his wants needs and demands,who made him the boss of you

OP's partner is a woman.

Still the same situation
Op needs a back bone

what assumption? it sounds pretty obvious.

I am saying that if people are inconsiderate towards their own family members, they're not considerate towards the neighbours either.

I do judge the mighty "early risers" who think they are superior to anyone else. And I bet I get up earlier than you most weekends anyway

I couldn't be with a partner who "doesn't do solitude" - give me strength. The rare quiet times either I or my DP get alone in the house is cherished and enjoyed!

DP loves to go out exercising first thing in the morning as he's an early riser. He leaves his kit in the living room and his bowl, spoon and cereal out on the dining room table so he doesn't have to clatter around getting cutlery out. He makes it work and it doesn't disturb me. I get up with our daughter and do breakfast and sort out a few chores (load dishwasher, washing machine) and he comes in from his exercise and we all have breakfast and a coffee together. Some weekends I go out and do parkrun and I either go by myself (and enjoy the quiet time) or DP and daughter come too and they sit in the cafe / play on park while I run, and its a nice day out for us all.

Buy her an insulated coffee mug so her precious coffee can be waiting on the side for her once she gets up, even if you're not there.

How about making a plan and going somewhere which involves getting up (at least Dh) and going? National trust property/picnic/lunch out? Would he get up? If not, how about a fab new hobby: canoeing/rock climbing/Borrow My Dog style thing?

The bizarre assumption that getting up and doing things round the house at the weekend means you must have an issue with the neighbours

It's not inconsiderate to get up and do things at the weekends in your own home - it is inconsiderate to expect everyone to tiptoe around you because you want to sleep. That's what earplugs are for.

I also never said I was a "mighty early riser" - that's another of your incorrect assumptions.

It Is inconsiderate to expect your partner to be with you 24/7. Also suffocating.

Yep, and controlling too.

It sounds like you are completely stuck in a rut and the same old routine is great for DD and DP but not anywhere near what you want. I would imagine that you know very well that there are some/ many things we just can't change so we look at what we can change. I wonder if you have forgotten that for yourself. I read your replies and a few messages here and there from others and it sounds like you are making excuses for why you can't make changes but also that you are completely facilitating DP and DD's habits / needs/ wishes so that you are at the end of the list.

Only one thing for it OP. Put yourself first, make some changes and leave them to it. They may well want to join you once they see you happier, who knows, but you will be the one in better control of your free time and it'll do wonders for your self worth too. You could even start making plans with them after a while that involves a bit of an earlier start.

Get out into the day if you can, and are able to.

OP stop making excuses.

I am a single parent working FT in a challenging role, studying and care for my mentally ill family member.
Organisation does not come naturally to me but it has to be done else my life would go to shit.

Stop letting your wife dictate what you can and can’t do.

Work out roughly what time she wakes up and say you’ll be back by X time.

Go out for a walk/gym in the morning and be back by say 10 every Saturday.

Do the cleaning the night before and say you will only do it during the evenings and if she wants to do it in the morning then half the chores and she can do her half in the morning.

You are meant to be a partnership not a dictatorship and so I’m not sure why you’re letting her call the shots.

She sounds controlling and it sounds as though you’re so worn down that you don’t even realise it’s not normal.

Ok, so whilst it's silly to let your husband dictate the weekend, it's even sillier not to take a teeny weeny bit of responsibility for making yourself happy without disturbing others by just moving your damn clothes.

Is this for real ? You don’t have to tip toe in your own home. It’s easy enough to get ready for a long walk or go out for coffee without waking up the rest of the household .

Get a cleaner and join a Rambling club to walk with.

Tell your DP you want to plan a weekend you enjoy. Maybe explain exactly like you have here suggest you can alternate weekends where you each plan or you each enjoy your own, also set out your stuff the night before so you don’t need the en-suite. If your DP disagrees/argues then I’d think they have a control issue. I’m the early riser who often did my own thing letting my DP sleep on but neither of us told the other how to spend their day

The sleeping partner is his wife who doesn't like him getting up, out and ready without her; the op is the husband.

I mean I was reading this post and thinking to myself. Maybe doctors don’t need problem solving skills 😂! Let’s hope it’s such a niche field that they don’t haha. Life’s too short to be having a shower everyday, but if you really must you could leave a second shampoo /shaving set somewhere else in the house and creep out each morning, you’d also could keep it there at all times so that you don’t need to get things ready the night before! You could also apply this to a second set or more of basic clothes. Eg gym type/walking attire!

OP you're coming up with so many excuses as you why you can't head out on a Saturday morning, but fgs just get up and go and do something!!

If you get back at 12pm and your partner is pissed you've been out for too long, then maybe it will spur them on to wake up earlier next time!

You do you, see how that goes for a while and then have a chat about what's going to work best for you both.

In your shoes I'd be saying "I'm heading out to xyz at 11am on Saturday, are you coming or staying at home". Housework is important, but living is more important.

I would use the family bathroom to get ready and go out somewhere. Meet a friend for a walk. Don't expect your husband to have same routine as you, similarly he can't be telling you what you can and can't do.

Tell DP if he wants jobs done at the week-end he has to get up and do them. And why are you tip-toeing round your own house so two idle people can sleep till ten and then wander round waking up for another two hours?
Put on Pink Floyd loud - or even better Led Zepelin or, actually a bit of Pucini. Should wake them both up. If you want to do jobs in the house while they are in the pit do them. Hoover or whatever, they choose to sleep in, that should not inconvenience you. And they don't like walks? Join a walking group and go yourself. Box sets are so yawn....
You could also just go out on Saturday morning...if they don't want to come then that's their choice.

If your DP moans about waking up and being alone tell her that you’d love it if she joined you for a morning activity so you should plan one for the following weekend.

Also the coffee excuse…come on. You’re really saying that you can’t leave the house alone because your partner might wake up and you won’t be there to make her a coffee?

It sounds like you’re not helping yourself in the situation at all. If you want things to change, change them and learn to communicate and advocate for yourself.

Why should she? If she wants a shower in the ensuite, it is her ensuite too - or she could use the (presume) other bathroom. Why should she pussyfoot round 2 people who want to sleep in when she doesn't?
Her DP is manipulative - he must not be disturbed. Tough luck, if OP wants to go out.

Who cares when they wake? They're a grown adult and will survive existing in the house without your presence same as when you're at work. They cam text when wake and you can return prn. They can make their own coffee (or get up when you do and have it then). Stop pandering/wasting your life while they sleep