To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

You can watch box sets on any streaming device-sky/netflix/prime etc

I assumed OP was female, most posters are. However this is definitely a situation where it really doesn't matter, just get up and get get out OP. She can make her own tea/coffee, enjoy your weekend.

How about a cycling club, or a nice round of golf? 🏌🚴

Yes, something like this. Presumably you already brush your teeth and use the loo? So a splash in the face and change of clothes should be good enough for a walk/swim/yoga etc?
My partner and I love having walks in the morning but since DC was born we've dropped our standards of having to be showered etc before we go. One of us stealthily gets ready and goes while the other one holds down the fort at home. Then the one going for a walk showers when they get home and everyone is up.

Why are you allowing your DP's preference to 100% dictate your own leisure time @TellMeWhyIHateSundays? If she wants to lie in, you go out and walk/run/swim/ meet friends or do whatever you want to do. I'm sure she can cope with making her own coffee when she does wake up 🙄. It's very unfair of her to tell you that you can't go out, do anything, make any noise, must make her morning coffee, do chores exactly to her liking and then sit around watching box sets all day. Why are you being so wet about this?

What would you like to do? Could you do it in the three-five hours before they are ready? Could you pay a cleaner to clean on a Friday?

Fuck that shit. Stop being so passive. Why does your partner have the right to dictate everything that happens and in what order? Especially if it's making you unhappy that you can't ever do things according to your own preferences. (I say this as a night owl who prefers a lazy morning but I would not object one iota if my other half got up early and went out to do his own thing while I stayed lounging/dozing.)

I'm incredulous at the suggestion that you "can't" go out anywhere because you are expected to be on hand to bring her coffee once she deigns to wake up.

She thinks you should "only do things together" but you aren't doing things together if she's asleep and you're awake and bored rigid! Then she dictates that chores are done immediately once she's up and not at a time preferred by you. WTF?

In our house we each have set chores but will do them when it suits us. I get that it feels nice to get them out of the way but things don't always work out like that is I've overslept and then want to get out and enjoy the sunshine. So sometimes I am cleaning the bathroom at 7pm while dinner is in the oven and my husband is smugly watching tv because he got his hoovering done first thing. It's fine and my own choice. If my husband told me I wasnt allowed to clean in the evening he would get the loo brush shoved up his arse. (Metaphorically speaking, I do not advocate domestic violence.)

What would happen if you stood up to her and said OK Sunday we can do it your way but Saturday mornings I'll be going out for a bike ride and then doing my chores when I get back even if you're still asleep?

I agree making a noise in the en suite might be annoying so get washed and dressed in the main bathroom. It's really not rocket science.

I'm wondering if the real issue isn't these practicalities but rather that your partner is controlling and it's making your relationship unhappy and unbalanced.

What does your DP do OP?

Just wondering if she’s burnt out or depressed?

Christ on a bike. She's a grown woman.

If you want to go out, go out. She can spend some time be herself, she can get up and make her own cup of tea. Stop using her as an excuse.

Do what you want to do in the morning, if he wakes it's tough luck, he can wear earplugs?
Make day plans for 10am ish, tell him that's the plan, the jobs can be done later (when it's raining etc!) or Sunday (or he can do the jobs on weekelnights prior?)

Eek just read your update about being too disorganised and stressed to move your towel and clothes to the main bathroom the night before. Come now, it would take 2 mins. You really need to man up if you want to make change happen. Or do you not really want this to change and you just like having a moan?

YABU if you can get yourself up and ready for a weekend shift at work then you can get yourself up and ready to go out somewhere in the mornings.

Your partner is also ridiculous, she doesn’t need to be with you at all times. Come back around the time she gets up/ is ready to go out (or earlier if you want). If you don’t want to watch TV then say so, no one’s making you.

Have you got a spare room he can sleep in at weekends? Don't tiptoe about, it sounds like you are making too many sacrifices and are not particularly compatible with your husband

I think you need to be a bit more assertive about your own wants and needs rather than allowing your DP to dictate everything. If you want to go out and enjoy weather do it- if she doesn’t want to come cause she’d rather sleep in / clean and tidy let her. Why not say next Sat do things your way and then between you decide somewhere in the middle? You could be up and tidying so when she does get up your share is done. Equally I suspect she’s woken cause by 7am she’s probably had enough sleep.

You don’t need a shower, leave your clothes by the front door, put them on and go out for a coffee. Tough luck if your partner doesn’t like being home alone, they can choose to get up.

My husband works shifts so I don't like waking him up either. I put the washing on the night before so they're ready to hang out in the morning. I leave my clothes on the landing, to get changed into. I have a toothbrush to use instead of my electric one. I drive to the woods and go for a long walk 1hr plus. I love it, it's the best part of my day! You can polish/clean the glass/kitchen work tops/empty bins/clean bathrooms quietly. Make sure you leave the hoovering and moping to your husband though!!!

Haven’t RTFT but thought it was unreasonable to put off tasks in order to not wake your husband. Then I read he then insists they’re done before going out and the unreasonable-ness reached new heights.

do what you want. He shouldn’t need to lay in every weekend

Tell your partner to get earplugs/white noise. How ridiculous that you can’t take a shower in case you wake her at a completely normal time in the morning.

You’re not disappointed by weekends, you’re disappointed by the fact that your “girlfriend” is not the one for you. You seem to have nothing in common and want different things. That’s not a “partner”. It’s not even a girlfriend. It’s a housemate you have sex with (if you even do that). You’ve only got your self to blame for staying in a relationship with someone who wants the polar opposite that you do.

What's stopping you having a conversation about this with your DP @TellMeWhyIHateSundays?

It should be pretty straightforward:

• I get up at 7am on weekend mornings.
• You prefer to lie in until after 10am.
• I would like to be able to go for a walk on weekend mornings.
• You would like the housework done before anything else.
• How do you suggest we compromise so we both get what we want out of our weekends?

I feel like any time after 9am on a weekend you shouldn't have to tiptoe around incase you wake someone up. If they're that set on sleeping later they can wear earplugs, why should you sit there in silence not moving? It's your house as well. As for the jobs getting done first you need to tell them that the first part of your day is already restricted due to their sleeping habits, you're not going to let it affect the rest of the day so the tasks get done after the days activities. If they disagree go off and leave them to it!

You come across as horribly enmeshed in what your DP wants & it doesn’t sound healthy for you. You need to find ways around your & your DP’s schedule, preferences & lifestyle choices that work for you both. If you’re an early riser & she isn’t then get yourself out - be organised about how you do that (not difficult) & start doing it. Your DP’s light sleeping sounds like code for complete control - if she hears the door go & is annoyed at being woken perhaps she wear ear plugs & a sleep mask etc. You’ve got to be able to thrive within the relationship on your own terms. If she works nights or a very different shift to you maybe you need separate rooms if it’s costing you your sanity. Maybe that’s not feasible but you can’t live completely according to someone else’s wishes.

no assumption, no aggressively, just replying to a post. 😁

it IS rude to wake people up. If you can't sleep in your own home, where on earth can you?🙄 Are posters expecting their partners to move to a hotel when they are tired? 🤔😂

No wonder people have issues with neighbours from hell. If some people 's attitude is that family members should wear ear plugs or suck it up if someone wants to be noisy from 8am at the weekend, of course they'll have no consideration for neighbours.

Make plans then surprise them with a weekend away a theme park or whatever your teenager is into. You can't expect them to be motivated to get up if there's nothing to look forward to.