To want baby to have my last name

[Anonforthisone1]

Me and oh have a good relationship. He doesn’t want to get married never has. I have been married before and don’t have strong feelings either way. Double barrelling would not work with our names (which is what my other kids have as when I married I double barrelled my name,now back to just maiden name) and it is a rhymey toungue twister that would be a pain.

i really want baby to have my last name. For one I think it would be nice for the kids to have a connection. Also I just think it will be easier for travelling, school and health stuff and I am staying at home so will be doing the bulk of that stuff. I just feel that it makes sense. Also sentimentally my dad died when I was two. The only thing I really have from him is his last name and the only connection my kids will have with him is that too.

this has really upset oh who says that it is a given that baby has his name and is how it is done. That he just always expected that his child would have his last name and that he wants to pass the name down to his little boy. Am I being really unfair to want to do this?

Is this other child school aged? You could work part time so you have a bit of your own money and aren’t fully relying on a man.

OP at the very least please pay into a pension scheme while you’re not working

The fair way would be a double barrel. So what if it's a rhymey double barrel name.

It’s a difficult one as I do think if you are going to have children with someone you should present as a family unit and that includes all having the name. Bit more complicated in your situation obviously since you have children from a previous marriage.
im divorced and children and i have kept my ex husbands name - when they are 18 I will likely revert to my maiden name and the children can choose to do so at that point too. I think it’s all or nothing - you all have the same name or none of you do

You're not remotely BU. He doesn't want to marry you, which makes this legally 100% your decision, so he's merely encountering the consequences of his choices. In these situations I'd usually suggest a double barrel, but if it wouldn't work and it's not what he wants anyway, may not be much point.

I can't be doing with men who are pick and mix traditionalists, and expect to enforce that on women. Getting you pregnant outside marriage is fine and dandy, but all of a sudden they're old school when they think it'll get them something they want.

No that would be weird.

He can change his name to match yours. He can’t dictate things like that if he doesn’t even want to get married.

Good idea.

Who owns the house you live in?
If anything happens to your partner who won't be regarded as next of kin.

That's a different issue Btw I didn't change my name upon marriage. Mainly to keep it same as my kids ( wasn't marrying their dad) who had my maiden naje

Rented

I am next of kin on the tenency and we are joint tenants. I am also next of kin for gp and hospital as he is with me. At

Katarina Johnson-Thompson seems to have managed ok in life!

Slightly off tack, but I am in process of divorcing. 2 out of 3 DS want to change their surname to mine (I've already formally reverted to my maiden name). My cousin has done the same for her and her children, as had my sister in similar circumstances. I really regret taking his name (like another poster, I never used "Mrs", always "Ms"). Stick to your guns!

😂although we call her KJT!

I actually love how her name flows

The double barrel is bad. What I gave was a slight example. It would get butchered constantly and be a major tongue twister. If it wasn’t that bad I would literally just have said double barrelled and that would have been that

Also he has to be at the registry office for his name to be put on as father (which is absolutely should and I want it to.) so a decision does need to be made

If he’d been pushing to marry you, and you’d been saying no, then I think a compromise on name might be fair. But regardless of your own feelings on marriage, he doesn’t want to marry you. He doesn’t get to say he doesn’t want to marry the mother of his child, but he wants it to have his name.

Stick to your guns. Give it his parent or grandparents first name as a middle name if you wish.

You go with the decision YOU want. He doesn’t get to use this as leverage

His surname as the middle name. Your name as the surname. That’s traditional for babies of non married women, it links your baby to their siblings.
I would be careful about a man who tries to lay down the law because that’s the way he says it’s done.

Let him be upset, someone has to be in this situation and it would not be me given I was actually carrying the baby and giving birth. Until you decide to add his name to the birth certificate he has no rights regarding the baby at all.

You’d be U to use your DP’s surname.

Just checking you know, it will still be entirely your decision what the name is, whether he's present or not. His presence is only relevant to whether he can be listed as father- obv you know he needs to be there to be put on the BC.

Could you use his surname as a middle name!

One of you is going to be upset. Why shouldn’t it be him?

My children have my name and I’m married.

Continuity is with you and your other children. If this relationship breaks down you will be doing the majority of the childcare alone - that is also ‘how things usually go’. Child should have your name.

Your baby should have the same name as the siblings imo. UANBU