Not to leave child home alone

[EmbarrassedMum1]

Me and hubby are have a little disagreement about leaving our child home alone for an airport run.

For context, child is 10 and an overall sensible child, very well behaved and a great sleeper in general. DH and friends are off on a short trip next weekend and need to leave for the airport at 4am.
DH says leave DC in bed because I'll be back in 45mins (1hr max).
I'd planned on getting him up and putting him in the car in his dressing gown, but everyone thinks that's silly.
DC says he doesn't care about being left alone at home but he will ultimately do as told.
So am I being unreasonable to get him up to come with me?.

He needs to get a taxi.

Airport hotel or a taxi.

It's not appropriate or safe to do that. The issue is if somethings happens to you during that trip and you don't come back. Tell your husband to get a taxi, what cost your child's safety?

If someone happens to her during that trip and she doesn't come back what would happen to her child if they are also in the car? Surely they'd be safer not in the car getting into an accident.

Because times have moved on since the 80s. We know better these days and therefore should do better, as the phrase goes. 'Survivors bias' is the other phrase relevant here, I think.

Child safety (and wellbeing, broadly) in the 80s was way more lax than it is today.

Using a mobile phone while driving became illegal in the 2000s.

How would a child that wakes up home alone get in touch with a parent that is driving, particularly if the parent/vehicle doesn't have hands free/Bluetooth automatically on, which may or may not be the case?

A number of those people would lean on friends, neighbours and school parents - the Village, if you will. Or would seek flexible start times with their employer, or WFH or...a whole host of other options first rather than leave their child unattended.

Get kids up when you get up, deliver kids at responsible friends, neighbours and school parents, go to work.

But let's not digress - it is irresponsible of the DH to not organise a taxi or alternative transport to the airport for himself.

I do too as long as the 10 year old is comfortable which the Op says they are. They just need to know what to do in the event of any emergencies/OP doesn’t appear back on time. Stuff you should have in place and be teaching your child anyway. He would be more at risk walking to and from school which 10 year olds should be doing by now in preparation for secondary school.

Sorry but I wouldn't be trusting a 7 yo to put themselves out to school and lock the house up in any country.

There's no other option but to trust, I have to work and there's no breakfast club after preschool. The door locks automatically if he doesn't push the nib down so I will be getting him to practice checking that the nib is up and double checking the door is locked by trying to open it once he shuts it. There will be plenty of others in his class in the same situation and they will have to manage too. It is expected of 7 year olds - had his 7 year check up with the school nurse last week and she asked if he has practiced the walk to school yet, I said no and she said to make sure to practice it so he knows where he is going and how to walk it safely in the Autumn. The assumption is that he would be alone.

I don't see an issue with this tbh. OP says that DS is a good sleeper,so he probably won't even realise that she's gone!
Does DS have a mobile or access to a landline phone (that he knows how to use?) If so,can you have a neighbour or nearby family member on call that night,in case of an emergency?

Nope, taxi it is

At 10? And in the middle of the night? No way.

speaking as the mum of a very sensible, now 19 yo, who was happily staying home alone for an hour at 9-10, walking home (school behind the house but she had to walk down the main road and through the estate) and letting herself in after school for an hour at 10.5, and doing full afternoons after school at 11. We never left her during the night until 16 or so.

During the night, if she woke unexpectedly, she was often confused or had a nightmare or was sick - and needed an adult to reassure and comfort her. And deal with the illness aftermath. It’s not that we slept on tenterhooks, but it really wasn’t unusual.

even if it is unusual for your DC, at that age and with bustle of people leaving, you don’t know what might cause him to wake up while you’re gone. Daytime is much easier than nighttime for DCs to navigate, especially knowing you’re not there versus waking up and getting a fright that no one is there (even if you planned and talked about it beforehand, he might not remember that when he has just woken up). And even if not, you will probably stress him out with worry about what might happen and he needs to be a big boy and “of course he’ll be fine” when inside he may not be in reality. So he won’t sleep well anyway.

either he goes in the car with you, if you absolutely must drive the other 3 to the airport - or preferably - they organise themselves to drive themselves and leave a car parked there (NOT the car you use), or get a taxi.

There must be other solutions.
Childminders, reduce working hours, other parents, grandparents, breakfast clubs run by local nurseries.
If their isn't a commercial solution then there is gap in the market.

What time does your 14yo daughter start school?

I just don't think it's acceptable to leave a 7yo child to lock the house and put themselves out to school, Finland or anywhere.

Are there actually any stats that shows that kids are safer in their home now than in the 80s?

There are no other options unless you have grandparents local. Childminders care for children under school age, not school age children. I can't afford to reduce my hours either. Breakfast club is only for preschoolers in my town (other areas usually have breakfast club for 1st and 2nd graders but my municipality has decided against it for some reason). Children have managed doing this for decades so most parents probably feel it's fine for their children to do so the demand for a commercial solution probably isn't there (i would rather put him in a breakfast club if there was one).
Many will be going home alone too for several hours after school. The headteacher at info evening even said we can withdraw our children from afterschool club at Christmas if we feel they can manage being alone by then.

No idea what time my DD will be starting school as her timetable will change every 6 weeks, including the time of the first lesson. I am hoping DS starts at 8 every day as then DD will be with him until its time to go but its possible some days he'll start at 9 or 10 (another reason I can't reduce work hours to stay home in the mornings as sometimes I might be home until nearly 10 and I start work at 7 usually)

The attitudes between different countries is absolutely fascinating.

So do we mollycoddle our kids in the UK, or are other countries just more blase?

We mollycoddle way too much

Bit of both. Mostly more mollycoddling but also other countries are a bit more blasé to a certain extent - a lot of parents here let their children as young as 8 or 9 go swim in the lake unsupervised. That is too blasé for my liking.

You’d be unreasonable to leave him alone at 4am. You’d also be unreasonable to wake him at that time to take him.

if it’s a 45 min round trip for you, i assume it’s a 20-25 min taxi ride for your DH? If he can afford a holiday surely he can afford that!

and for context i have a 10 year old who I leave at home to nip to the shops or walk the dog. Would never even consider leaving her sleeping at 4am in the morning tho

YANBU I'd say for him to share a taxi with friends unless they're going from completely different directions, and then if that, to get his own taxi to the airport.

I'd imagine they're much safer because household appliances are.

But that's nothing to do with being alone ( or not these days)

A sleeping 10 year old won't be using household appliances

I have a scar on my right arm after putting my arm in a mangle while wearing a bracelet. I wasn't alone. My mother was in the room and had just turned round to deal with my brother.

Yeah, as others say, your DH and his mates need to get a taxi. Shocked it’s even an expectation for you to take him at this time, let alone disturb your child.

Exactly, even if I was child free I wouldn’t be getting up at 4am to drive my DH and his mates to an airport which must be roughly 20 mins away

Why the hell would you expect a neighbour or extended family member to put themselves in the situation of having a disturbed night sleep and having to deal with an upset 10 year old just to save a group of adult men taking a taxi ? Bizarre.