Not to leave child home alone

[EmbarrassedMum1]

Me and hubby are have a little disagreement about leaving our child home alone for an airport run.

For context, child is 10 and an overall sensible child, very well behaved and a great sleeper in general. DH and friends are off on a short trip next weekend and need to leave for the airport at 4am.
DH says leave DC in bed because I'll be back in 45mins (1hr max).
I'd planned on getting him up and putting him in the car in his dressing gown, but everyone thinks that's silly.
DC says he doesn't care about being left alone at home but he will ultimately do as told.
So am I being unreasonable to get him up to come with me?.

absolutely not. My children are 12/8 and I’ll leave them home now and again for going to the shops or the older one can stay home if I’m taking my son to taekwando or whatever. But absolutely not if they’re asleep - actually I’ve never left them at night at all. He can get a taxi or if that’s really not possible, you find someone to stay over who will be there when you go or I guess bring him with you. I’d never ask my husband to do this in this situation though and I’d take a taxi.

I think it depends on how far away the airport is, on how mature your 10 year old is and how well equipped they are to be on their own (do they know what to do/where to go if the smoke detector goes off, if someone comes to the door, do they know how to get help in an emergency and not to try cooking etc while on their own) on where you live and whether you have friendly neighbours literally on the doorstep who are prepared to step in and will be available at that time in the morning if there is an emergency or you were delayed.

Just a straightforward respectful one.

"I am off to xyz on Tuesday, taking the 6am flight coming back evening. I've booked a coach to the airport because it's so early and it's unfair to ask you for a lift."

Absolutely. Should have factored it into the cost of the holiday ideally!

Exactly this.

See at that age I was left in bed at 4am as my dad had to leave for work then. No childcare available at that hour

And what if the OP has an accident and injures or kills the child she woke up to take out in the car? Can do a lot of whataboutry

They should be sharing a taxi, or booking transport. The amount of children getting killed, driving at night, is ridiculous. It always seems to be taking a relative to the airport. 4am is prime time for drug/drink/racing. People should be adding on transport as a standard part of holiday expenses. Things are more scary at night. Even teens can get a bit freaked out, a ten year old shouldn't be left to save, how much? The run you describe would be around £20 each.

Does that mean you were responsible for getting yourself up and out to school at just 10yo?

At that age my Nan had been out cleaning for two years and her brother was a carter helper. My Aunts/Uncle were shipped off to strangers during evacuation. Times move on.

Your DH is an adult who has to make sensible arrangements to get to the airport without disturbing you and your son. If you left him and were involved in an accident on the way home what would he do at 10 years old when he woke up, you weren’t there and his dad was in another country. Sounds dramatic but not worth the risk.

I wouldn’t be taking my child out of bed and I also wouldn’t be leaving my child at home alone. Also my DP wouldn’t expect me to. His friends can drive, or any without kids get their partners to do it or a mini bus.

DH needs to get a taxi

I wasn't left quite that early but my mum used to leave for work at 7am and yes from the age of 10 I had get,myself up for school.

Yes of course Id been taking the bus to school since I was 7. Along with a load of other kids from my school

It's no different that people generally are asleep at 4am is it now. So what has changed? Apart from the fact there are ring doorbells and mobile phones so easier to keep in touch and see if anything going on

Not a chance. Tell your DH he has other choices:

1. He gets a taxi
2. You bring junior
3. One of his mate’s partners takes them instead.

All of those are perfectly reasonable options.

I’m super relaxed about these things or so it seems on mumsnet. But I wouldn’t do that. Middle of the night and asleep makes me uncomfortable.

This. I always think this when I see people saying ‘my DC is very sensible and responsible, so I can leave them at home.’ That may well be the case, but what if something happens to you while you’re out?

Yep 100%! If you have young DC then surely the normal thing for unsocial hrs flights would be to get a coach/cab/train and not leave a 10 yo alone or get them up in the early hours.

I'm pretty relaxed too but I wouldn't be leaving DC at home or waking them up. Very unfair and unnecessary when he can just get a taxi.

I'm very laid back about leaving DC home alone, but would never do it during the night while he was sleeping. Your husband should sort his own transport.

This is my concern. My two are pretty lousy at waking to standard alarm clocks anyway which doesn't give me huge confidence.

We recently had an alarm go off in the early hours. Fortunately it was only the CO monitor announcing its own expiry and intention to never work again (re-ordered ASAP) but despite its shrill caterwauling, neither DC nor DH were roused. If that wasn't a false alarm the consquences could be devestating. I can't do much about DH, but the optics of child not rousing and being left unattended are a hell of a lot worse than the whole household failing to wake. Objectively whole household is worse, but if the guilt and social stigma can be avoided, that's a worthy option.

If the DCs were woken it would be concerning to them. We've had power blips before and I've seen DS(14) go to the fuse box, and they're briefed on the stopcock (to much sniggering... and ballcocks in the toilet was more than their adolescent humour could take ) But there is a key difference in launching into problem solving mode when fully concious to having been woken abruptly. There's also the added difficulty of getting external support to help.

My boundaries are lighter than MN average. DS1 was happy with a couple of hours alone from 10. DS2 was walking a short distance home, letting himself in and alone for 10-15 mins from 9, but took longer to build up to a couple of hours. At 12/14 I'm happy to leave them for several hours within waking hours, but my boundary is that they need to be awake. This winter will be the first babysitter-free Christmas parties because they'll happily be awake in the time we'll be out and happy with that time span. In the mornings on school holiday, I prefer to wait until one is awake before I leave the house so one of them is alert and knows what is going on.

I wouldn't leave a 10yo alone at 4am. It most likely would be OK, but if they woke up and had an issue and became distressed, that can have a significant effect on their confidence. On the tiny chance that there is a major issue, the consequences could be devestating.

DH takes himself or gets taxis for impractical airport trips. There have been some awkward drop-offs that I've helped out with because of a lack of options, but generally he sorts his own transport (he does a lot of short haul work flights with early starts)

I wouldn’t dream of leaving a ten year old asleep on their own. At that age, my daughter would have seen getting up in the middle of the night as an adventure, and missing a couple of hours sleep won’t do him any harm.

Which decade was this? 🤭