People who always big themselves up..

[craxer]

Do you know anyone who’s always signing their own praises, one way or another ?

my brother and sister in law are like this. It’s so tiring.

sis in law is ALWAYS bigging up my brother and herself and brother is always bigging himself up.

example - it’s ridiculous but she even manages to big herself up regarding health problems. She had a recent health issue and went to see a doctor about it. The doctor told her that it was pretty bad. She was like ‘ he was so surprised I was ok. But you know me ! So strong and I just get on with stuff !’…

or it’s ‘ you know me, I can’t ever sit still and I need to be working and doing things all the time. I never relax. I’m just always busy being productive. ‘

or about my brother ‘ he’s just amazing, all his colleagues respect him so much ‘ ‘ you know how intelligent your brother is, he just knows everything ‘…

my brother is constantly complaining how stupid other people are. ‘ I deal all day with other people’s low intelligence and stupidity’ he’s actually told me before that he thinks he’s better than everyone and has an extremely high opinion of himself.

these are just a couple of examples that come to mind and maybe it bothers me, because I know he thinks he’s better than everyone. But it’s hard to take sometimes !

Aside from my (lovely) ADHD teen boy, thankfully no. I do not.

Odd you seem to spend so much time with your brother given you really don’t seem to like him!

Thankfully I don’t. However I’ve done enough of my own inner work to see this and recognise how deeply they must be masking some insecurities, which makes me feel a bit sorry for them. Which wouldn’t make it any less annoying to be around. I find people like infuriatingly inauthentic as they are working so hard, unconsciously, to make themselves feel better than other people, it’s hard to relax in their presence and have genuine connection.

Oooh interesting! My ADHD son is a bit like this too, it's like he doesn't get that deprecating thing people do. I've had to teach him not to say he's brilliant at the stuff he's brilliant at, whilst confirming that he's brilliant, of course! Didn't know it was an adhd thing.

Definitely is.

My son will talk at me for hours about his achievements but he doesn’t want me to ask questions or even seems particularly bothered whether I listen!

but he’s such a lovely boy and the psychiatrist said that as he grows he will learn to mask better this rather unpleasant side!

If you step back a bit from this feeling personal, that's quite funny. I'd lean into it and start praising them over the tiniest things for sport...oh this salt cellar is beautiful but then you really do have the most amazing eye for home design, don't you sil...and, you know, play with it a bit and even if they don't get the message it'll be amusing.

My BIL bigges up their finances every time we see them. Not so subtle references to them being wealthier than us. An absolute dick.

My DB bigges up finances too. Especially his house value, investments etc. Thing is, I see his finances through work (he knows this) and he has nothing to brag about. I'd actually use the word dire. It worries me a lot.

I just don't engage. I see it as their own insecurities or looking for approval. It's not my job to affirm or destroy it.

I’m intrigued how you see all your brother’s finances through work?!

I have a couple of colleagues like this, I've assumed it comes from an insecurity in some way. Some days it's amusing but mostly it's irritating.

My dad couldn’t stand people who blew their own trumpets. He had this wry look that said ‘aye whatever …’ that usually shut them up quite quickly. I’m in NI and must admit that any hint of self promotion is quickly slapped down, so it is definitely a cultural thing here. Sometimes I feel quite sad about it.

I worked with someone like this no matter what was being discussed he always brought it around to his favourite subject.. himself and all the hard work he'd done blah,blah how much overtime he'd done,he didn't like it when I said aye but you got paid for it though.😁

Kruger & Dunning (1999) perhaps applies here?

I really care for them both. This is the thing that irritates me/ grates on me though. Family relationships are complicated. I tend to internalise it and see it as a ‘ me ‘ problem when I feel irritated in the moment.

Really??

bloody hell. You seem utterly infuriated and quite pissed off!! And been going on for years!!

I know a few ppl like this . I just humour them tbh .

I think this is a tricky one. Being self deprecating is a cultural thing and and people definitely don't like arrogance BUT being positive and confident also seems to grind people's gears, which I'm.not sure is fair. I very much used to be part of the "oh this old thing, I've had it 20 years and even then it was 50p in a sale" school of thought, but now I realise you can just say "Thank you!" if someone says they like your top. In the UK a lot of it seems to be about jealousy, who does she think she is? etc, but in other countries people seem to feel differently about people who have done well through their own efforts. In your case OP it does sound like these people have crossed the line from confidence to arrogance though, and that's not nice, especially when the person you're talking to might not be in the same position.

My SIL bigs my BIL up all the time but in a really lovely way. He’s had a lot of challenges in his life and has massively low self esteem so she’s always trying to give him a boost and will point out his achievements.

😃Definately have some fun with it!

Are you allowed to access your relatives’ accounts?

Please come back and clarify @MermaidMummy06 !!

SIL also says brother needs more respect as he’s the first born son. I find that a bit grating…

and before anyone comes at me, we have a great relationship with them. They have some issues with other family members but I always big up my bro and I’m always on his side, so it’s just annoying being reminded that he needs all this massive respect because he’s the oldest son.

Hahaha first born deserves respect 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤯

I'm wondering if ILs think I'm a bit like this about DP. I never big myself up (FAR too British for that!) but I do big DP up in front of his parents, because they don't ever do it themselves.

This just gets odder and odder!

Yes I must say I do this too. DH is a high achiever/high earner but because he doesn’t a job that they don’t understand (they were teachers and for some reason have no frame of reference outside of this) they think he just sits at a computer inputting data or something. So I do big him up to them sometimes!