People who always big themselves up..

[craxer]

Do you know anyone who’s always signing their own praises, one way or another ?

my brother and sister in law are like this. It’s so tiring.

sis in law is ALWAYS bigging up my brother and herself and brother is always bigging himself up.

example - it’s ridiculous but she even manages to big herself up regarding health problems. She had a recent health issue and went to see a doctor about it. The doctor told her that it was pretty bad. She was like ‘ he was so surprised I was ok. But you know me ! So strong and I just get on with stuff !’…

or it’s ‘ you know me, I can’t ever sit still and I need to be working and doing things all the time. I never relax. I’m just always busy being productive. ‘

or about my brother ‘ he’s just amazing, all his colleagues respect him so much ‘ ‘ you know how intelligent your brother is, he just knows everything ‘…

my brother is constantly complaining how stupid other people are. ‘ I deal all day with other people’s low intelligence and stupidity’ he’s actually told me before that he thinks he’s better than everyone and has an extremely high opinion of himself.

these are just a couple of examples that come to mind and maybe it bothers me, because I know he thinks he’s better than everyone. But it’s hard to take sometimes !

Yes someone I know automatically sprang to mind when I read the OP, one of my daughter's friend's mum.

She acts and talks as if she's wealthy, successful and drop dead gorgeous although none of those things are true, alas. She's always boasting about her designer handbags and dinners at swanky restaurants and looks down pityingly on the rest of us mere mortals. She has often told me that people are "so jealous" of her and her wonderful life. Yet she works in a shop (nothing wrong with that of course) and is always begging lifts because she can't afford driving lessons because she blows any spare cash on designer crap.

She never shuts her gob long enough to take in anything about anyone else, so just floats around in her little bubble where she is queen of the world and everyone else is her adoring subjects. The lack of self awareness is astounding. Sometimes I almost admire it as it obviously works for her!

I think that’s fair. I mean, it’s in a way far less irritating than the kind of performative self-deprecation that requires you to contradict it immediately, just because it doesn’t require an immediate response from you. When DS was a toddler, I used to attend a baby group where the adult conversation went as follows weekly:

’Cake?’

’God no, look at me, I’m a WHALE!’

Pause for the expected responses of ’You’re not, you’re TINY!’ ‘If you turned sideways you’d disappear!’ Etc

See also ‘I like your top.’

’This old rag? 50p in the charity shop ten years ago!’

Etc etc.

Boasting and/or humblebragging is a great way to alienate people and lose friends. It's the lack of self-awareness that amazes me. Luckily these sort of people now use Facebook and Instagram to do it, so the rest of us can ignore them. But it must be trickier if it's your relatives!

DH and I refer to people who do this as "figjam" (fuck, I'm good- just ask me).

This family… sounds like no one likes anyone (apart from maybe your brother and SIL liking themselves!)

@Fozzleyplum , that’s hilarious! I’m using that !

I do know a number of people like this , one woman said , oh my husband earns 50k , the following week it was £65k ! Pretty impressive increase
I just inwardly roll my eyes , but now I can think figjam

Same but ex colleague now. Everywhere she went people bigged her up and told her how amazing she was and how lucky her family were to have her (I’m sure none of this happened). I could go on but it was so relentless and bizarre that anyone else who worked with her would def recognise my description. It was pure cringe

People I know who do this tend to be very wrong about themselves.

I'm so easy going = Extremely uptight person.

I'm so good with children = You were a terrible mum

They are trying to convince themselves more than anything.

absolutely this, saves a family argument and brightens up your interaction with them. The more overblown the praise and the smaller the thing the better. Congratulate them on their choice of toilet paper, bin bags, how they tie their shoelaces.

If they make a sandwich "my god this is the best sandwich I've ever tasted. but then you've always been an amazing cook db. you could have been a chef. What spread did you use? Lurpak! Of course, you're not like those idiots who use butter. This is why you're a genius...'

I know someone who is so extreme with this - we actually find it amusing because it is so awful. When she is asked where she lives she doesn’t say Edinburgh she says oh I live in a penthouse suite in Edinburgh. So cringy!!

You know what, if you grew up with people doing you down all the time - I did - then it's hard to big yourself up, but it's unhealthy to put yourself down all the time. You have to work on your inner voice first.

I have met people who do this, and I know sometimes it's just big ego, but other times, you know they didn't get anything from their families when they needed it, and they overcompensate. So I try not to judge too harshly.

My first thought was the latest Markle podcast...it's a masterclass in bigging oneself up.

In real life, I have a friend who has always been like this, if your child has achieved something hers has achieved something bigger and better....now it's her grandchildren who are the best at everything.
Sort of proves people with this trait don't grow out of it...it's for life.

I know people like this who tell me how good they are at reading people/ are too nice/kind/generous for their own good. Usually the people who everyone is complaining about or who offer to do lots of wonderful things but actually DO very little. (I liaise with various charities through work so we get A LOT of this!)

To be honest, my DH has tendencies to be like this now and again (not all the time.) particularly when it come to his job. 23 people work at his place, and it's open 24/7, every day of the year. (168 hours a week.)

The place runs fine, and functions well, and everyone gets paid on time, all stock is ordered and delivered on time, and the clients seem happy. Yet my DH says - at least 2-3 times a month - that no-one there can do their job properly except him ... Everyone else is useless and lazy and doesn't know what they're doing, even the manager and the supervisor. All useless, can't do their job. He says the place would 'fall apart' without him.

He claims that 3 or 4 staff members there have even told him that they're in awe of how hard he works, how well he does the job, how he always knows exactly what to do, and how 'the place wouldn't run without him.' Like he's some kind of superhero. (I have never heard anyone say this, he tells me they do.) He works 26 hours a week, and isn't there for the other 142 hours of the week that it's open, yet inexplicably, the place runs fine/doesn't fall apart when he's not there! It even runs well when he has a couple of weeks off. It's amazing! 😆

I just say 'yes dear' because I know he's insecure and wishes he had done better in life and had a really highly paid 'top of the pyramid' career. He's done fine though. His job is OK and has reasonable pay, (and he has been employed for 40 years - in 3 different jobs, this one for 13 years.) Also we have our own home, (in a lovely area,) and 2 gorgeous DC, and he has me - the best wife ever, 😆 and we have a couple of nice holidays a year, and friends and close family, and we're both in decent health in our 50s. Seriously, he has a nice life!

Aside from this, I also know/have known people who are very braggy and full of themselves all the time. I HATE people who carp on about how much money they have and what this thing and that thing cost. I don't fucking care mate. Jog on! 😂

I know someone like this, she is known as The Queen

I have a friend who always talks her husband up, I really like her and she is an amazing, clever, brilliant woman. Her husband is average at best. One day when I get drunk I’m going to ask her why she does it, why she always lists his many achievements and not her own? She is much more impressive than he is, but I think she’s insecure.
I knew another family like this, hugely bigged up the dad and the son’s. The mum was also amazing, full time teacher, mother of five, volunteered on the side, kept an immaculate house but it was all about the dad who was largely absent as he was off getting all these sporting achievements.
All five sons have been persistent cheats and rubbish husbands. They are all divorced. I think they expected their wives to all be equally enthralled with their ambitions and do everything at home whilst they became hero’s of their local community for climbing Kilimanjaro etc. The women all quite rightly said sod that.
Women, don’t boost your man’s ego unnecessarily. Most deserve being brought down a peg or two.

I cannot humour people like this, it shows on my face.🙄
There was a Mum like this on the school run, thought the sun shone out of her daughter's backside. The teacher was apparently wrong about her reading level, always complaining about said teacher, who honestly one one of the most meticulous, and amazing teachers I have ever met. She complained about the child minder being incompetent when she still uses her. Then she loved to rave about all of the sporting activities her daughter does, canoeing, great on school trips, always excelling in everything, understands where all meat comes from because her husband hunts, and they pluck the chicken at home themselves. Great diet, despite her whole family being extremely over weight including daughter, noo medical conditions to cause this; it is her whole household.
She would gloat about neurodiverse children having a lower mental age, and be very condescending with how she had to explain to her daughter that "they" have a lower mental age. The child in question "bullied" her daughter, the poor child isn't a bully, and treats all children the same, with his difficulties. Her daughter couldn't have difficulties like this, it is the parents. She will go on about her job, and how important it is. She then asked another Mum who has MS, if it is the serious kind.
I now actively avoid her.

Tbf there are a lot of people on MN who’s DC’s are Mensa level intelligent and child model’s. Or who’s DH’s are constantly approached and crushed on by the whole office tinkly laugh

I love this.
In my experience you don’t have to ask them though.
So they’re just FIGs
Yes people should be able express success, but it’s rare that FIGs observe and positively comment on other's achievements. So it’s a tedious, one-sided, often deluded, boring commentary all the time. Best avoid/change the subject/pretend you’ve missed a call on your phone/leave the room.

why do you care? Seems an odd thing to irritate you?

My partner can be like this at times. I just either ignore him or take the piss out of him, he soon shuts up 🤣

No i don't but I know a lot of the opposite which is equally annoying. I'm so poor, I'm so ill all the time, life's so unfair, I'm so unlucky, nothing ever works out for me, my life is so terrible blah blah blah better check my self into a&e on Facebook, pm me hun 🙄

It’s a really good question. It’s a visceral reaction. It irritates me and no matter how much I try to sit there and rationalise the feeling, it doesn’t shift. I always feel bad for feeling that way to be honest. I’m like ‘ why the fuck should I care about someone else bigging themselves up ? ‘.

I am not sure. The whole ‘ oldest son deserves all the respect thing ‘ is a bit of a joke though isn’t it. How can you say that to a younger sibling ? It’s ridiculous.

I don't big myself up but more and more recently, I've been thinking that I should start.

Being in any way self-deprecating or telling any light-hearted stories about things going tits up for me leads to endlessly embellished tales from family and friends about "Butchy is hopeless at X/Y/Z - I don't know how she copes with life", "Do you remember when Butchy did ...?" Often complete bollox and not remotely what I said to them in the first place.

Have been thinking that going forward I should claim everything is always peachy and I'm the king (queen?) of the world.

The thing I have come to realise op, is that this is a known trait of insecure people. More secure people do not have the need to boast.