People who always big themselves up..

[craxer]

Do you know anyone who’s always signing their own praises, one way or another ?

my brother and sister in law are like this. It’s so tiring.

sis in law is ALWAYS bigging up my brother and herself and brother is always bigging himself up.

example - it’s ridiculous but she even manages to big herself up regarding health problems. She had a recent health issue and went to see a doctor about it. The doctor told her that it was pretty bad. She was like ‘ he was so surprised I was ok. But you know me ! So strong and I just get on with stuff !’…

or it’s ‘ you know me, I can’t ever sit still and I need to be working and doing things all the time. I never relax. I’m just always busy being productive. ‘

or about my brother ‘ he’s just amazing, all his colleagues respect him so much ‘ ‘ you know how intelligent your brother is, he just knows everything ‘…

my brother is constantly complaining how stupid other people are. ‘ I deal all day with other people’s low intelligence and stupidity’ he’s actually told me before that he thinks he’s better than everyone and has an extremely high opinion of himself.

these are just a couple of examples that come to mind and maybe it bothers me, because I know he thinks he’s better than everyone. But it’s hard to take sometimes !

As a naturally self deprecating Brit who moved to the US I used to find it very cringy & uncomfortable. Now I'm all for it. Big yourself up, celebrate your small wins. Tell everyone how awesome your husband and kids are. You'll feel a whole lot more positive about life and it's contagious.

I honestly don’t know any people like this and some of our friends include successful IT consultants, architects, doctors, headteachers etc. They have all come from very humble (poverty stricken in some cases I think) backgrounds.

The thing they have in common is that they’re all very practical and skilled in manual work too, possibly due to jobs they did before or during their studies (and in one case, since retirement). On first meeting, you would also never expect that they were in these professions either.

I’m wondering if these braggadocio types are more often found in the south east of England, where I’m from? I’ve certainly not experienced it up here in the North/Midlands but I don’t think the pace of life is as pressured - there isn’t so much requirement to keep up with the Jones’s.

Oh anyone who describes them self as “too nice” (thankfully only on mumsnet!) I always smile. I doubt others would describe said person as “too nice” and I would bet that the “too nice” person makes it very very clear whenever they do do something for someone else that they deserve and must be given profuse thanks and recognition and to remember this wonderful thing!

“Yeah, you’ve said before……”, looking bored 🥱

I think it’s less often that than that the self-described ‘too nice’ are in fact chronic people-pleasers who trade services for ‘friendship’, usually because their self-esteem is too low for them to think other people might just enjoy their company. Which means they bustle around helping and being a shoulder to cry on, all the while secretly resenting the ‘friends’ who take their services for granted. Even though they’re the ones who set up the expectation.

Yes, or occasionally, completely straight-faced, ‘God, you’re so great, Nigel. You’re so inspiring. I mean DH and I just don’t anything, ever. We phone in sick and slob around watching tv and chainsmoking, occasionally throwing a packet of crisps at the children.’

Oh yes people pleasers…. I wonder whether the people they’re supposedly “pleasing” feel pleased!

people bragging and being arrogant is an odd thing to irritate someone?
surely it's literally one of the most common annoying characteristics?
It's hardly an esoteric personality quirk that has no impact on anyone else, and it's not even as though it's a school mum or near stranger the OP can easily avoid - it's her close family.
that's like saying 'why do you care your brother is always late? seems an odd thing to irritate you?'

Someone being irritating is a very normal thing to be irritated by!

Your SiL craves praise. Maybe she didn't get much as a child. Maybe she got over much and has discovered the adult world doesn't dish it out as freely. Whatever the reason, its very important to her. So when she self praises she's prompting you to praise her. When she repeats the praise of others she's telling you because it's something that meant a lot to her. She praises your brother because he's an extension of her. Point is, it's probably not about wanting to seem better than you as much as wanting you to tell her how good she is. Unfortunately because its so annoying, it rarely works so she keeps on trying.

I know some people like this. I work with one and she’s same grade as me and she’s always going on about how she basically single handedly did X Y and Z and how she was basically doing the role of someone two grades above etc. and I always think to myself if you were this good surely you would have been promoted by now?

Im not confident at all so I secretly want some of her confidence but at times I do just roll my eyes cuz everything is literally about her swooping in to save the day.

Spend less time with them if they piss you off so much.

I know of one man like this and yes it's intolerable. Everything is 'Oh when I was last in Malaysia elephant back riding' or 'the last gig I went to was in the Gobi desert.' Not quite but you get the idea. He happens to have a sister who thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread so maybe these men with already inflated egos become worse when they have a cheerleader reinforcing how fucking awesome they are?

My DP bigs me up a lot. It’s very sweet but I can imagine it’s annoying. He is always saying shit like “the beautiful wonderful mother of my children and light of my life”. Sometimes when I meet people he’s told about me I think they’re a bit disappointed I’m not a supermodel. I’m pretty good looking but I’m not as good looking as he thinks I am.

My dad unironically believes he is the most handsome man in the world, and he will tell you about it. He is bald, white beard, a gold tooth, and smokes a pack of super kings a day. I will say he’s never been without a girlfriend or wife since he was 15, so I guess some women like it. It’s because his mother told him he was handsome and he just ran with it.

My mother will always big herself up despite achieving nothing. She is a liar though and an actual narc not just a word I am using but she is a narcissist and you can see in her she will for example say 'oh i did xyz for a person today' (it will be minimal) followed by 'god i am really such a caring person, look at me again thinking of others' while looking wistfully into the distance. She makes most peoples lives hell though.

I lived with another person who would tell me all the time how lucky i should feel with him in my life as he is an experienced 'anything' really, he says he has done it all seen it all etc but he seems to be the only one going on about his own achievements despite the fact they are massively in the past and he is currently an unemployed cocklodger.

Interesting on the adhd thing cos I have adhd and would never ever discuss an achievement, the opposite in fact as I am very self deprecating like actually most adhd adults I know. I got an award for something fairly big recently and have not even told my friends.

I had a neighbour who was like this. I used to try to avoid bumping into him as much as possible because you couldn't have a conversation with him without him singing his own praises about something or another. In his opinion,he was never wrong about anything,his opinion was the only one that mattered. He was also one of these annoying people in that nothing ever fazes them. If you complained about any of life's little irritations,he would instantly belittle it and then go on to explain how expertly HE would deal with it. I would come away from every encounter with him feeling drained. I was mightily relieved when he moved away from the area several years ago.

Thy sound like my husband's brother and his wife. So insufferable!

I have met many people like this, unfortunately. I honestly think some people thrive on feeling superior or making others feel less-than.

Others are just plain insecure and need admiration.

Have met countless mums whose children are apparently SO superior to everyone else's children......

There's nothing to be done but not react and hope it stops. Or distance yourself.

My ex husband is exactly the same. I’ve never been able to work out why he does it.

Very likely the same reason as mine (maybe.) Insecure/low self esteem.

The best way to deal with people who constantly big themselves up is to take the piss out of them relentlessly, surely. Or, just flat out laugh at them. I really cannot keep a straight face in this sort of situation. If it's family, that's even better.

I've got a friend like this, everything that happens to her is sooo much worse than anyone else, she's always had the besssst weekend and she only remembers to ask about my problems/weekend as an afterthought. Highly annoying and makes me feel unimportant. Considering whether to continue the friendship 🤔.

It’s just different personalities. At my company we are actively encouraged to do this for ourselves, our teams and colleagues. There is a formal process on Fridays to nominate others for good work (all nominees get £25 but then are assessed for a bigger sum and more recognition). There is also an informal process where people are encouraged to blow their own trumpets at the end of meetings, this is where it is both painful and amusing in equal measure. The people who work in corporate affairs, press relations and community are the biggest gobshites, bursting to tell everyone the most minute ‘wins’ e.g. “we sent 10 emails yesterday, we’re on FIRE!” but the overall personality of my team is to shrink away from any attention and as a result we don’t really get the recognition we deserve. We have been tasked with making more effort and not hide our lights under a bushel but to date, we have not uttered one word of self praise.

I know a couple of people in the work place like this and they are usually the complete opposite of what they tell me they think they are.

My DSis is very much a bigger upper of herself, her DP, her kids, her dogs, her cats. They are all apparently the best and cleverest and most talented things that have ever existed.

It annoys me but I also find it quite amusing. She’s never worked, never had to (because of her DP being so clever and therefore rich) but makes it quite clear that if at any time she had wanted to do my career, your career, anyone’s career, she would have been much better at it.

Also, she’s always read all books and watched all films long before we have so therefore knows much more about them.

I love her really.

My XBiL actually had headed notepaper with "Bob Smith World Champion af Everything" on it.
He used it to reply to our wedding invitations. It didn't go down well with my headmistress mother.

He was a bigsy twat 40 years ago and is still a bigsy twat.

Do people like this even have insecurities?

I know someone like this - completely exaggerates and bigs up literally every single thing even the tiniest thing - and she has never come across as insecure so I’m not convinced in her head she feels insecure.

Oh what’s that character in Jane Austen’s Emma who is forever saying ‘well of course others say I’m a great beauty / wit / judge of character’ 😆