MIL & SIL not attending baby shower.

[UnidentifiedToday]

Posting here for traffic.

MIL & SIL didn’t attend my baby shower. No reason given. Neither attended my hen do either. Rarely visit current DD, when they do it’s a social media frenzy of look what we’ve done. When DD was born MIL bought us a baby blanket and bibs. MIL is quick to contact DH for favours. MIL doesn’t buy me birthday presents and I’ve never felt good enough for her son. MIL is not short of money.

Am I being too sensitive in being annoyed by this. I’m fed up of welcoming them in to our home when it suits them. MIL clearly doesn’t like me but can’t even make an effort for the baby.

AIBU to be pissed neither of them attended my baby shower? I wouldn’t be annoyed if this was an isolated incident.

I don’t want to say something to my DH and cause a rift in the family.

Isn’t it better that people who don’t like you aren’t at the baby shower? Baby showers should be a positive and happy gathering and it sounds like these two are neither.

Try and accept that they are not very interested in you and dd. If they want to only see you at Christmas then let them and don’t have expectations or hopes for more.

Think yourself lucky , they sound awful!

Do you think your DH hasn't noticed?

It would only cause a rift if he went steaming in to stick up for you. If you asked him not to and he chose to do it anyway that wouldn't be your fault.

If you told him it upsets you and he wasn't angry with them would that be even more upsetting for you? It would upset me tbh.

When my son was a baby Baby Showers might have been a " thing" in the US but didn't really exist in the UK. So it surprises me people make such a fuss about them now..

You can't make people want to come to your social gatherings and you can't make people like you. Obviously it 's a shame if you feel they aren't interested in your DD. But look at it as their loss: they the ones missing out on a close relationship with your wonderful DD.

Honestly OP, it sounds like you’re better off without them. Enjoy your DH, DD and new baby when he/she arrives, they are your family, you don’t need MIL or SIL and I wouldn’t go out of my way to encourage them round when baby arrives.

Thank you for all your kind words.

I think I am more annoyed that when they do decide to bother, I’m supposed to welcome them into our home. I know when DD2 arrives next month DH will be excited for US to welcome his family round. I feel fake and annoyed it’s on their terms. Does that sound really silly? Am I being really sensitive because I’m pregnant?

Half the posts on mn are about overbearing in laws who are constantly pestering with unwanted advice and attention and there's just as many who are fed up with their in laws for not giving them enough attention. MILs can't do right for doing wrong on mn. Just forget about them and focus on your kids.

Then tell DH that all the entertaining is on him. You will be in bed with the new baby. And that MiL an SiL will be admitted into your presence for 15 minutes to greet the new baby.

Doctor’s orders 😉

I cannot imagine going to hen dos with my sons' partners. I am too old for that kind of thing; let them go off and do what they want.

I have never been to a baby shower ( not a thing when I had mine) but also think they are for friends and they would have more fun without me.

I don't know my sons' partners birthdays and they don't know mine.

We get on fine on a day to day basis but they're my sons' partners, not my friends.

Their attitude sounds hurtful but, trust me, it is probably a blessing that you will only see with time

For real?

I agree

Baby showers are naff nonsense so maybe they have steered clear to avoid that kind of shenanigans?

Yup

So you don’t like them but resent not seeing more of them?

I wouldn’t say anything because I’m sure your DH knows or has noticed!

Baby showers are grabby and extremely tacky. I can't say I blame them for avoiding it

I hate baby showers.. literally I do bit understand why ?

I think you are over thinking this. Its fine they do the "family" obligation and dip out of the rest

Why would you want people who dont want yo? Why force things and just accept people for who they are?

It seems like everyone on MN wants people to fit in a box they have created for them life doesn't work that way

Thank you so much everyone. Some really good points about how lucky I am - I hadn’t thought about it like that. Thank you also for your kinds words

@Renabrook I completely understand that baby showers are not everyone’s thing. This one incident wouldn’t have annoyed me alone. I don’t feel expecting my MIL to see her DD more than three times a year or being part of her sons life more, “is creating a box.”

On a separate note. The post above from the MIL not buying her sons spouses a present for birthdays. Do all MIL feel this way? My own mum buys for her SILx2 and DIL. Not a criticism just curious now.

Do they do family obligations though. Seeing their DD three times a year. No present for me on my birthday.

My MIL never once bought me a birthday present and nor would I have expected her do. I couldn’t tell you when her birthday was either.

We got on fine but we weren’t especially close (no reason, just very different people) and that was fine. I didn’t choose her, after all, I chose her son.

I do think people get a bit too intense around in-law relationships and forget that they’re just normal people who you happen to now be related to via marriage. There’s no reason to be friends or to socialise with them if you don’t want to.

You sound very sensible to me!

What's wrong with that

Tbh I've never bought a birthday present for anyone of my DDs husbands or DS partner. Token one at Xmas. .