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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL & SIL not attending baby shower.

123 replies

UnidentifiedToday · 06/06/2025 22:14

Posting here for traffic.

MIL & SIL didn’t attend my baby shower. No reason given. Neither attended my hen do either. Rarely visit current DD, when they do it’s a social media frenzy of look what we’ve done. When DD was born MIL bought us a baby blanket and bibs. MIL is quick to contact DH for favours. MIL doesn’t buy me birthday presents and I’ve never felt good enough for her son. MIL is not short of money.

Am I being too sensitive in being annoyed by this. I’m fed up of welcoming them in to our home when it suits them. MIL clearly doesn’t like me but can’t even make an effort for the baby.

AIBU to be pissed neither of them attended my baby shower? I wouldn’t be annoyed if this was an isolated incident.

I don’t want to say something to my DH and cause a rift in the family.

OP posts:
shedroof · 07/06/2025 13:55

When you invited them did they say they were going to come and then just not turn up?
or did they tell you they weren’t coming at that point? If so did they give any reason?
Are they far away? Is the journey an issue? Can they drive etc?
they sound pretty rubbish but need more information before being able to say if unreasonable

Drivingmissrangey · 07/06/2025 13:58

YABU for having a baby shower for a second child.

babystarsandmoon · 07/06/2025 13:58

I didn’t attend my SIL baby shower as I was unwell and I still feel guilt years later. I made her a huge baby hamper to make up for it.

It’s poor show to skip it for no reason.

Evaka · 07/06/2025 13:58

SpanThatWorld · 06/06/2025 23:31

I cannot imagine going to hen dos with my sons' partners. I am too old for that kind of thing; let them go off and do what they want.

I have never been to a baby shower ( not a thing when I had mine) but also think they are for friends and they would have more fun without me.

I don't know my sons' partners birthdays and they don't know mine.

We get on fine on a day to day basis but they're my sons' partners, not my friends.

Fucking hell this is sad to read.

Choppedcoriander · 07/06/2025 14:06

A few issues here -

Hen dos are for friends of the bride - not in-laws, especially not the MIL. I’ve been to loads, and definitely no MILs or even mothers. SILs, yes, if they were also a friend of the bride.

Baby showers are a US invention only recently come to the U.K. They are often perceived as tacky or grabby here. Maybe your in-laws didn’t understand.

Why would ever expect your MIL buy you a birthday present? That’s a bit weird. My MIL wouldn’t even know when my birthday was, and my parents wouldn’t know when my DH’s birthday was.

However, if you invited your in-laws to a hen do and baby shower -did you? - what was their reason for not being able to come?

Motheranddaughter · 07/06/2025 14:36

Does your SIL have DC
A lot of MILs prioritise their DD’s DC
Not saying that’s right,but it may make it seem less personal
Does your DH ask them round regularly,say for Sunday lunch,maybe less pressure than a hen night/baby shower
I never go to baby showers

Neither my mum or my MIL came on my hen

I did have a separate afternoon tea at home which they both attended along with various aunts etc

My PILs gave us £2k to buy baby stuff,my own DPs bought the pram

My ILs give me exact same for birthdays and Christmas that they give their own Dd ,nowadays money

Got £500 for my 50th last year

I leave most of the conversations/ arrangements with the ILs to my DH

From the beginning if MIL phoned to ask me something I would say I’ll put you on to DH

Not easy for you, but I would try not to let it to me ,it’s your ILs who are missing out

SpanThatWorld · 07/06/2025 16:35

Evaka · 07/06/2025 13:58

Fucking hell this is sad to read.

Show quote history

Is it?

I'm fine with it.

Nanny0gg · 07/06/2025 16:38

SpanThatWorld · 06/06/2025 23:31

I cannot imagine going to hen dos with my sons' partners. I am too old for that kind of thing; let them go off and do what they want.

I have never been to a baby shower ( not a thing when I had mine) but also think they are for friends and they would have more fun without me.

I don't know my sons' partners birthdays and they don't know mine.

We get on fine on a day to day basis but they're my sons' partners, not my friends.

Or your family by the looks of things

Nanny0gg · 07/06/2025 16:40

Choppedcoriander · 07/06/2025 14:06

A few issues here -

Hen dos are for friends of the bride - not in-laws, especially not the MIL. I’ve been to loads, and definitely no MILs or even mothers. SILs, yes, if they were also a friend of the bride.

Baby showers are a US invention only recently come to the U.K. They are often perceived as tacky or grabby here. Maybe your in-laws didn’t understand.

Why would ever expect your MIL buy you a birthday present? That’s a bit weird. My MIL wouldn’t even know when my birthday was, and my parents wouldn’t know when my DH’s birthday was.

However, if you invited your in-laws to a hen do and baby shower -did you? - what was their reason for not being able to come?

Edited

I have always bought my sons- and daughter-in -law birthday and Christmas presents.

Perfectly normal amongst my family and friends

SpanThatWorld · 07/06/2025 16:43

Nanny0gg · 07/06/2025 16:38

Or your family by the looks of things

Show quote history

Might not suit you

Suits us

Relationships all pretty congenial. I don't socialise with them unless my sons are there too.

Livelovebehappy · 07/06/2025 16:47

I suspect OP that as there seems to be no love lost between you that had they showed up at the shower you would be on here complaining that you didn't want them there......

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/06/2025 16:52

Evaka · 07/06/2025 13:58

Fucking hell this is sad to read.

Show quote history

Why is it sad - because it's not what you would do?

Hoardasauruskaren · 07/06/2025 17:08

The birthday present thing varies from family to family ime! My ILs only have 1 child & have always been very generous to me at birthdays & Christmas. I am one of 4 & my parents buy gifts for all at Christmas but only buy our partners birthday gifts for 40th/50th etc birthdays. My GPs only bought token Xmas gifts for their sons in law.

greencartbluecart · 07/06/2025 17:11

you what more presents from them ?

Ophy83 · 07/06/2025 17:16

Aren't baby showers more just for a first baby as that is when you have to buy all the equipment? Maybe they think it's all a bit much second time round

ChilliChoco · 07/06/2025 17:22

What does your DH think about their behaviour? I'd be very upset by it.
They seem really unkind but he came from that family so I wonder what similar behaviour traits he has?

Skybluepinky · 08/06/2025 11:17

They don’t like you, are you that short of friends you wish to surround yourself with haters?

4kids3pets · 08/06/2025 11:36

Tbh I was invited to a family baby shower and a few of us chose not to go just not our thing. No offence was taken tho. But no I can't stand them

luckylavender · 08/06/2025 11:46

They don’t sound ideal but it’s better than people who are always around & meddling. I don’t think the baby shower is something to focus on. Plenty of people are meh about baby showers.

TiredMame · 08/06/2025 12:04

Well silly you for not bringing this up to your dh. Why do you care about his feelings when he has clearly noticed how they snub you and willing to turn a blind eye to how you are treated?
make it very clear that you won’t be hosting or welcoming them in future, that is all on him.
and do yourself a favour, treat them exactly the same. Don’t be a bigger person to people who treat you badly, the only one that sits with the upset will be you. Why would you care about people who don’t like you?

TiredMame · 08/06/2025 12:04

Skybluepinky · 08/06/2025 11:17

They don’t like you, are you that short of friends you wish to surround yourself with haters?

And this too.

stop trying to win them over. They don’t like you, treat them the same way.

onceuponacloud96 · 08/06/2025 12:09

Mine didn't attend wither. Why? Because my own DM would be there 😂 wasn't interested the whole pregnancy or showed me any care or concern. Now regularly calls my husband crying saying that I don't sen enough pictures of said baby. You reap what you sow.

Lifeofthepartay · 08/06/2025 16:46

Gustavo77 · 07/06/2025 00:39

Baby showers are grabby and extremely tacky. I can't say I blame them for avoiding it

Specially now when it's a set menu, every guest has to pay for their own food, bring a gift for the mum then one for the baby when they are born, it's so OTT.

Laura95167 · 08/06/2025 18:23

Sounds like their absence is the gift.

It's reasonable you're upset but I think you're doing the right thing

FTIVF25 · 08/06/2025 18:49

I didn’t attend both my SIL baby shower because it’s not my thing and I told both of them that at the time. I sent them both a gift after the babies were born which was appreciated so I would have thought MIL and SIL not turning up to yours would have been a one off thing, but it sounds like for whatever reason they don’t like you and that’s OK. Leave DH to sort out his family. My MIL is great with me, always asks how I am and we go for coffees without DH, she probably sees me more than she sees DH. Focus your energy on those who adore you, they are worth your energy.