Petrol money - girls trip

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Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

Your 'going there anyway' retort is really ungenerous, and illogical. She's going there because you've planned together to go away. Would you ask to get on a train or bus for free because it was "going there anyway"? It can be difficult for friends to be honest about when they need others to contribute, I'd be thankful that she trusts you enough to be honest and pay up (and buy her a coffee to say thanks for driving!)

I would def offer something towards it. Hate this oh she driving anyway. I have a friend always purse out at last minute. Lol. But nice to offer money I think

1. She’s going there anyway

😂 I still can’t get over this. It’s actually so dumb it’s really funny.

Because it's weird to me to be so transactional in a friendship and to try to calculate the wear and tear on the car and the apparent exhaustion of a two hour trip for a friend.

Offering half the petrol money if you can be arsed to work out how much that is is fine (although I would refuse it and have done so). Going over and above that into official mileage rates territory and going over half to make it an actual payment for the favour is like treating a friend as an employee to me.

Why? That's how I feel as the driver.

YABU.

They are going on a planned trip together.
Her friend wouldn’t be going otherwise.

I think pay her petrol money and ask for the same when you drive. When my friend takes me somewhere with her, I pay for her coffee/lunch/car park fee depending on the distance.

I’m like you, but I can certainly understand if money is tight. In some friendships there is always the designated driver. And of course it’s wear and tear on the car + driving in itself.

Sure. But if I am driving then I am driving anyway, that's what I mean by I'm going anyway. It makes no odds to me to have a passenger. I've chosen to drive so I'm expecting to cover the cost of that.

I understand not everyone feels the same hence I would offer to pay towards petrol but I don't accept payment and I don't think it's a ridiculous statement that the driver is going anyway.

Nowhere near. 2 hour drive is maybe 100 miles. Round trip 200 miles. Even in my diesel guzzling estate car it would do the entire trip in half a tank, so about £40. So no more than about £20 each.

I cannot imagine ever quibbling with a supposed long term best friend over that kind of money. There will inevitably be a subsequent trip where I will be driving. More often than not, because of aforementioned estate car, it is me driving 5 or 6 others to events and days out.

Friendships shouldn't be transactional like that.

Get the train. Problem solved. Meet her there. Oh wait…..that will cost you money.

I will ask if I can go on the next plane to Sydney if there are empty seats. They are going there anyway, so I can’t see why not. It’s only logical.

There you go, treating your friends like a business transaction!

Friendships shouldn't be transactional like that.

Says the one not paying for it.

Yabu. I don’t know why on earth you’d think you WOULDN’T pay!

No. Treating my friends with respect, and so I would offer to pay. I would turn it down myself, but that is up to me who is paying for it.

Says someone who frequently drives. I can’t conceive of the kind of “friendships” some of you have.

We're in agreement then. I said the same thing. And it still doesn't make the statement about going anyway unreasonable

She hasn’t chosen to drive though. OP doesn’t have a car and it’s their only option of getting there by car.

I think what I'd do with a friend is say something like the below.

I've been thinking through our driving arrangements and would like to discuss them, because I'm worried I might have inadvertently exploited you in the past. Previously I was thinking that I should give you a little bit of petrol money and provide good snacks for the journey and possibly a meal. But would you actually prefer more petrol money and less snacks? What works best for you? I think you should call the shots when you're driving!

In this instance. Presumably public transport would have been an option if she didn't want to drive.

I'm coming at from the perspective of someone who would always rather be the driver, considers myself therefore to have chosen to be drive and yes, "be going there anyway".

If you don't want to pay petrol then get a coach or train, stop being a CF!

My friends take me away in their car for weekends away, I always give them petrol money.. and if they say not to worry (out of politeness) I'll buy them a few drinks or a meal. So I would say YABU sorry 😞

Yes, if you do prefer to be the driver then it’s your choice.