Petrol money - girls trip

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Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

Fingers crossed she finds some new friends who don’t expect free travel.

I’m curious to know what you mean about your husband scoffing about the dynamics in your friendship because I’m actually going to say if I was consistently giving a friend lifts here and there without expecting petrol money I would be a bit miffed if they suddenly expected petrol money from me.

I was going to say YABU but if you’re always the giver and never charge your friend petrol money I think it might be a bit off to then expect you to go halves. Obviously that’s dependent on her financial circumstances.

I'm the designated driver on an annual girls weekend away due to a variety of circumstances (we are a 2 car family, everyone else is either a single car family or non driver) so what I do is fill up the car before heading off, then fill up as soon as I've dropped everyone off and then we split the actual cost of fuel.

That’s how I view it too. A friend took me to an afternoon tea event about 100 miles away, she drove and covered the petrol and I paid for her tea. Isn’t that how it works?

You’re not wrong!

I understood what you mean, you’re best friends and are sharing the costs by what each of you are contributing, rather that asking for money.
I wouldn’t ask for petrol money especially as you’re bringing drinks and snacks.

‘both paying equally for the stay.’

But you’re not are you? Because she’s driving and paying for the petrol. If you were going by train would you expect her to pay for your ticket too? Just give her some petrol money.

When I have split petrol money I have either filled up before we left and then when we get back to isolate exact cost or used the RAC fuel calculator to determine cost and split that.

I’d offer money for petrol or pay for a meal/drinks when there.

Since it’s a whole ‘trip’, to save you getting into any further CF territory, you should both use the Splitwise app. It’s brilliant. All expenses anyone has paid, you just pop them in the app and it keeps a tally of who owes who what. Particularly good for large groups.
You’re welcome x

i also wouldn't charge a friend for jumping in with me.

But if i jumped in with a friend i'd always offer to pay my way - never been taken up on it though

Of course you pay half the petrol!

Erm not being good with money doesn’t explain why you think your travel to this holiday should, essentially, be free nor why your friend should take on the full cost of you both travelling there. If you don’t fancy paying, get a train ticket. You’ll discover it will cost you 5x as much.

My DH to DS to Exeter for a uni thing recently. One tank of petrol return at £50. To go by train would have been £299 each. You don’t need to be ‘good’ with money to see that a half share of petrol is cheaper than train fare.

She shouldn’t have had to ask you! The fact she’s had to ask and you haven’t offered, says a lot about you really

Strangley I understand where OP is coming from but still think she IBU.

For me:
Normal friend/acquaintance = offer petrol money and expect them to offer
Best friend = don't offer and don't expect offering

I'm not saying that's what it should be for anyone else, but that's just how it works in my personal existance.

I have two best friends and we frequently go away and take turn about driving. Everything is split but the driver just absobs the cost of the fuel. Not sure how we came to this habit but as we're comfortable with money and we split the driving responsibility it balances it in the end as far as we're concerned.

I don’t think people have read the entire thread.
Money towards petrol, plus snacks and Prosecco is lovely.
You paying for lunch and drinks would probably cost far more, it’s just a different way of paying. I think people like cold, hard cash though.

Maybe OP consistently pays for her friends meals out or is always the driver in their friendship. Maybe she doesn’t ever charge her friend for multiple lifts she does so that’s why she hasn’t expected to pay this time.

OP will need to clarify that

You should have offered rather than force her to ask. This is on you.

You need to pay half. Pop the destination into google maps. I know a tank for me is £75ish which gets me 330 miles appx. If the trip was 200 miles round I’d offer £25 for example. I would also offer half of any parking or to buy her a coffee or drink.

Well it’s not just the fuel that cost though, is it? If someone always is the driver, it’s of course also the miles on the car and other things in the cost of driving. And the stress and getting tired from driving instead of just being able to sit there half snoozing or looking at your phone.

I am not saying I would accept it either, but it’s a bit weird if you are baffled over this.

I would expect my best friend to offer and not have to ask tbh.

How have you calculated this without knowing the mpg or distance?

I don't think I have ever offered or asked anyone for petrol money. That said I am normally the driver on long journeys because I am quite confident driving long distances.

However, if someone has driven I would buy dinner/drinks/coffee or something as a way of acknowledging they have driven and it has cost them in fuel.

I go to a weekend event every year with a friend, and I always drive. It is a 2.5-hour journey there and back. She always buys lunch and coffees with a view to saying thank you.

I don't necessarily think you are a CF op as you have bought snacks, prosecco etc as a way of saying thank you. This is pretty normal in my circles of friends, maybe it's a generational thing.

Generally with adults who are friends it tends to all balance out in the end because friends don't take advantage of each other.

It's a long time since I've given anyone petrol money, because either I'll be doing the driving for the next outing, or we'll agree that I'll get tea, lunch, whatever, or (in advance) we'll agree that I'll buy the tickets and they'll drive.

Only you know the dynamics of your friendship OP, but you'd think after all these years and your supposed close relationship there really shouldn't be any awkwardness.

She is doing you a favour, OP, so just pay her - with good grace. It won't be much, surely - £50, tops?