Petrol money - girls trip

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

IMHO you should pay all the petrol. She is doing the work of driving and her car is getting the wear and tear. If I were you I’d offer to pay it all.

That's mad. Unless she was dropping the OP off and not benefitting from getting the destination for the holiday herself then anything over 50% makes no sense at all.

I've been a bit surprised in the past by being offered any petrol money. If someone offered to cover my entire trip I'd think they were making a weird joke

Yeah, you’re being unreasonable. You’re already splitting the other costs so what’s the difference?

“I wouldn’t charge her if I drove, but actually I can’t even offer to drive because I don’t have a car that day” doesn’t stand up to much. You’ve booked a trip that you can’t even get to without her doing all the driving!

I agree with you @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 I would never ask for petrol money. I think it’s massively small and petty. She’s asked so I would give her it but yeah. Who the hell is so small minded and lacking in social skills/generosity that they ask for petrol money. I have never ever in all my life and I have frequently driven colleagues home after work etc/driven to collect friends/neighbours to save them getting public transport etc. even when I’m not going anyway and I never ever would ask. My colleagues/friends/neighbours have reciprocated over the years and done similar for me. It all evens out. It would make me judge your friend poorly. Mumsnet seems very into paying half. I’m not. I’d pay all and just let the other person pay another time.

You should deffo give her petrol money. My friend and I went to an event the other week and she gave me petrol money. I paid for parking and drove!

2 hours there and back will be quite a chunk, I think it does depend where you've driven her recently - its only cheeky of you if you rarely drive her that far. It's actually cheeky of her if you regularly don't ask for petrol money and drive her about at least 50% of the time. I'd be annoyed if I regularly shared lifts with my friend, and maybe last girls trip I'd driven for free and then all of a sudden she wanted to charge me - so if this is the case I don't think you're unreasonable.
As you've not said that this is the dynamic, I'm assuming that at most it's been shorter drives and in that situ, you should've offered before she asked.
I personally wouldn't have asked for the money and I'd have assumed my friend would bring a bottle or car sweets etc.

You are absolutely being unreasonable. Why should she pay when you are going with her? You split it 50/50 just like the rest of the break.
Your entitlement has "irked" me 🙄

My good friend just picked me up and drove me to the airport (an hour away) at 3am for a choir holiday. Of course I paid for half of the airport parking plus I transferred her petrol money too & bought her a coffee at the airport. She drove us both home after the trip at 1 am too! I'm so grateful to her for saying she'd drive. She's a more confident driver than me but we were both shattered after the trip and the M25 was shut so it was a ball-ache getting home. To put it into context a 3rd person asked us for a lift to the airport and didn't offer to chip in for parking or petrol 🤷‍♀️ we all thought she was a CF and my friend had to ask her in departure lounge on way home to chip in! We won't be giving her a lift again I don't think. Even if you're actually not a CF you also don't want to look like a CF 🤷‍♀️ Someone else is doing the heavy lifting of driving, concentrating, route planning, getting petrol before the trip etc whilst you get to fully relax in the passenger seat. It's a no-brainer for me.

I agree. Where do you draw the line on this logic. She’s going on the trip anyways so she should just pay for the whole room?

I don’t think she meant it badly. Yous are sharing the cost of the trip, so when you said how are we getting there she said she would drive and to share the cost that way, following the pattern of the rest of the trip. You are definitely getting the better end of the stick there so definitely no reason to be annoyed.
Im a bit like you though, I would just pay for lunch, drinks whatever and figure it all works itself out but my friend (who doesn’t drive) would be offering money etc. Neither of us are cfs and both very generous, we are just different.

It’s genuinely weird of you to be getting your knickers in a twist about this, especially with such an old friend! If it were me I’d be buying my friends a few extra drinks, or paying for a lunch, as a thanks for driving. Why make it a big deal when it’s absolutely nothing?!

I always offer petrol money if someone else is driving! Always have. I thought everyone did! Maybe I'm just old... You come across as very entitled.

She shouldn’t have to ask!

OP, I get that the weight of opinion on here is against us but I’m with you. I might have thought about petrol money when I was a student but it wouldn’t cross my mind now I’m in my 40s. I like to drive and I don’t drink alcohol so have given countless lifts to friends over the years, including long drives, and it’s never once crossed my mind to expect a contribution nor has anyone (lots of different friends) ever offered. It’s often reflected in a different way - someone will buy me a drink, or cover my lunch or send me flowers to say thank you. Those gestures mean so much more to me than someone counting out some pound coins which frankly feels a bit cheap and embarrassing.

If my friend drives, I pay for ALL the petrol to say thank you. Mind boggling that anyone would be annoyed at being asked for their half of the cost.

And she accepts that? Now that's CF behaviour to me. Blatant profiteering off a friend.

If your husband didn't need the car what would be the point in you both driving and both paying your own petrol money when yous could share? You have both halved the cost of your stay so share a car and half the cost of your travel! Why would you even think you shouldn't and why would you create a post about this you wierdo! Thank God I dont have friends like you!

If you struggle with handing over money why don’t you simply pay for the petrol when she goes to fill up the car?
what you’re doing is paying money for fancy things which the other person might not want to avoid paying the obvious.

If her husband didn't need the car she would have driven, given the friend a lift and not expected or asked for any petrol money. Same as I would. And other posters. That's the whole point of the thread.

This is what I would do too but now she's asked for half the petrol money just ask how much much.

It's probably less than treating her to lunch.

It would never occur to me to ask for petrol money, like you I’d say something like “You get lunch” or “You pay for the wine at dinner”.

Not like me in that I would continue to split food and drink equally after arrival and not be expecting or wanting any financial recompense for making a journey I was already making.

As we are now into the cricket season DH will spend multiple Saturdays coming up giving lifts to away games across the county. He'd find it really weird if anyone offered him petrol money for it because the "he's going there anyway" concept that is apparently insane to some posters also remains true in that scenario.

Yes she’s going anyway but she’s only going because you arranged it with her so half the petrol money or find a way. I couldn’t be moaning about trying to get a free trip there

Lots more comments wanted to clarify
I’m not annoyed
I’m not moaning
I simply asked if it was reasonable to feel irked. As I stated before, it’s not the money per se, it’s just more my views on money and how that plays out in close relationships. If having a different view or being inquisitive about others views makes me a CF and entitled then fair play!