Petrol money - girls trip

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Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

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Glad you've seen to offer petrol money, depends on your normal dynamic though. I always offer petrol money, my friend always refuses so I bring top tier snacks for her. She prefers to drive and has a better car so it works for us

You wouldn’t be welcome in my car mate 😂 I do not drive cheeky fuckers

I often rely on my friends to drive if we go away at the weekend as we only have one car which I need to leave for my husband/kids and I always insist on paying all the petrol/parking. We are saving money only having the one car so more than happy to pay and also very grateful that my friends will take me. She shouldn't have had to ask.

1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me

You are being so beyond unreasonable with this! Yes she’s going there anyway because it’s a trip you both organised together. By this logic you should just make your own way there. The only way I would understand point 1 was if she was doing something regardless of you and you asked to jump in the car.

Point 2 if it’s just down the road then I would understand but if it requires a lot of petrol then why should she pay for you? I used to not charge friends because they were my friends but then I realised I was putting myself out and they weren’t even offering. So I was disadvantaging my friends to advantage them. By this logic you should be offering petrol because she’s your best friend. You’re saying you wouldn’t charge your best friend so why are you expecting her to foot the bill?

The way we split girls trips is accommodation 50/50. Then we work out how much petrol needed for there and back. Eg full or half tank. One of us fills up the car and we transfer 50%. For snack shop we go together on the way to the trip and split that 50%. Job done.

The way it works for us is the friend who fills with petrol pays for everything, keeps the receipts and then the other transfers the other half after we’ve paid. It makes it easier to add everything up and divide by 2 rather than multiple transfers backwards and forwards.

Not a big deal. Did London-Manchester and back in a friends car a few months back for a weekend. Train fares would’ve been £100+ return, but split between the 4 of us who went was £15 each for fuel + £5 each for a reserved parking spot. Way cheaper than the alternative.

Hands up! The 1% was me, pressed the wrong one and cant figure out how to change it to yabu

Of course you should give her petrol money! Of course travel expenses should be shared. Otherwise you get a free ride and she’s paying the whole cost, how is that fair?

What a weird attitude you have. Are you incredibly tight like this over everything or just travel expenses? You could easily lose friends over this attitude OP so think on.

My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship.

He sounds as charming as you.

On a trip i would pay 65% of fuel plus their driving snacks!

My friends and I wouldn’t ask for fuel as it’s swings and roundabouts with who drives etc. My friend often drives when i’m back in my home town but i’ve hosted her at mine many times. No money ever exchanged. That said, i’d pay without hesitation if asked.

When someone drives, I always pay for the fuel as I'm very grateful I don't have to deal with the stress of driving, parking etc.

Why on earth would you pay more than half? I'd be mortified to accept anywhere near that much.

In these situations the CFer always says
I wouldn't charge if - it was me
I would lend money -if it was me
I would give xyz- if it was me
Except it never is them doing the giving!

In this situation the Op wants the pat on the back for giving so is irritated she doesn't get it if her friend asks for petrol money .

I wouldn’t ask for money but I’d expect my friend to drive on our next trip, or if she couldn’t consistently share driving offer to help with petrol money. If it was me always driving I’d start to resent it.

The thing is I genuinely wouldn’t ask for money. I’d say, you can get me a drink or you can buy lunch (within reason though!) I always felt like friendship is swings and roundabouts not the calculation to the letter of moneys spent etc. Again, possibly why I’m broke 😂 I’m really not trying to take advantage, despite most of this forum thinking so.

It’s just easier to be straight with folk and split costs, no matter how small it may seem. if not resentment can build up over the years if one person repeatedly doesn't pay their way. I’d also buy a coffee or snacks for the driver (which you are doing). Enjoy your trip!

This has to be a reverse. Are you the 🚙?

I'm with you! I had lunch with a friend yesterday and she paid. I'll get the next one which might be next week or might be in a month. It'll come out vaguely even sometime without it being formally split.

I think there's a difference of attitude about driving too. Those who dislike it or find it more tiring would expect to be compensated (and compensate) more. Can't see why else someone would offer 65% or even 100% of the petrol money as suggested. I prefer to drive than be a passenger so I see it as overall to my advantage to be the driver and certainly not what to be compensated for it.

You're being cheeky. Its totally normal to pay towards petrol when someone is driving. Id never expect them to do it for free.

But but but….. buying you a drink or lunch IS asking for money, it’s just a different way of asking

YABU because she doesn’t share the same values as you and that doesn’t make her tight or wrong, it means she’s exercising free will.

I understand that you like to buy treat foods/drink etc. and see that as your contribution but you’re getting to choose how to reciprocate and I don’t think that’s entirely fair.

I’m often the driver because I don’t drink and I always prefer cash towards petrol rather than supposed treats or coffee/cakes etc.

Outside of a couple relationship where you pool your money, I’d rather choose how to spend mine. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would not ask or offer, but I would buy dinner or something and make sure the person wasn't out of pocket.

Actually have changed my vote to NBU as paying for lunch en route would have been a nicer way to split the costs, you just didn't get the chance to suggest it!

Check how much money it would cost you on public transport, OP, and if that's cheaper use that. And if petrol money is cheaper (it will be) pay your share and be thankful you're not having to lug a bag on and off public transport and walk half a mile to your accommodation at the end of it. 50:50 is just that. Not 55:45.

Transfer her half of the accommodation cost back… you should pay for the whole thing as you’re going anyway.