To think it’s not ok for Dh to nip out to the shop

[Istillhaventfoundwhatiwaslookingfor]

I work aa few evenings a week for a couple of hours.
As soon as Dh gets home, I go and he takes over looking after Dd, 7 years old.
Once a week, she generally goes to her neighbour friends house to play. We either walk round to get her or the mum drops her, we don’t have set times and all very casual. When i’m home, if Dd goes to play there, I don’t go anywhere unless she needs to come back or the mum walks her round and I’m not there..,usually the mum just says bye to her and Dd comes in the house herself through the patio door.
Yesterday she went to this friend’s house, Dh came home and I was leaving and said Dd was at friends house. He asked if I had any change as was going to nip to the shop, I said Dd might come back at any time, so he couldn’t as I obviously wouldn’t be there (plus, Dh nipping to the shop isn’t a 5 minute job like when I go)
He got confused and a bit peed off and said he wouldn’t be long. I ended up saying i’d have to stay at home while he went then as Dd could nip
back for anything. He huffed and I went as was late then for work.
He obviously then didn’t go, but Aibu to think it’s irresponsible that he even considered it?

Do you have the mum's number so that you could send a text to say he's just nipping out to the shop and will be back in 20mins so she knows not to send your DD home before then?

Hmmm. I can see both sides.

You have made a point of staying in, so that's the expectation. But DH isn't unreasonable to want to pop out either. The obvious way forward would be to either set a specific time to come home (which I had at that age anyway) or carry on with being flexible, but message the other parent to say no-one in for 20 mins.

why couldn't he text the parent that your DC was with & say "OK if I nip to the shop for 20 minutes, back at 6.30?"

Presumably its a reciprocal arrangement - if she is out it seems pretty daft to sit there on the offchance she gets dropped off early.

I would just text the other parent that I would be back in 10.

No dramas.

I'd agree with others the obvious thing to do is to let the other mum know he was just popping out.

Although, if I was the other mum and found no one at home, I would just assume that you had just popped out and either leave a note to say to let you know when you were back, or I'd just come back 10 minutes later.

In summary, I don't agree DH was being irresponsible.

I do, but was on the way out to work and rushing, he doesn’t have the number, i’d be back in two hours anyway. It was only to get cigarettes, I said could he not wait

If I was your DH I would have gone to the neighbours house and said 'im just going to the shop, is dd ok staying here? Or 'DD we are going to the shop' and collected her.

They nip back and forth to each others all the time, to get toys or snacks, I just walk back with her friend and her etc

He doesn’t have the number and wouldn’t think to do that, this is the thing, i’m now wondering if he’s done this before, just doesn’t think

It still would have been quicker to text than to wait though.

Yes that’s fine, but he wouldn’t have done that, he’d just have gone

No, he’s sensible.

having to sit in the house the whole time your child is at a friend’s is really unreasonable.

he could have just texted he was popping out.

Yeah. I wouldn’t be doing this either.

Id be pinning those times down and stopping the back and forth. You might be happy to sit and wait constantly but it’s not reasonable to expect DH to do the same.

There are so many other ways that problem could have been resolved without you being late for work.
As a side point i have struggled a bit with time management and something I have found helpful is the use of alarms, on your phone or otherwise to remind you when things need to be done. It’s literally changed my life

They live doors away from each other, nip in and out to play at each others gardens, it’s not for long and not a formal arrangement, it’s not a time to be used to then go out

You say he doesn’t have the number but could you not have sent it to him and told him to txt? It’s takes 10 seconds to copy and paste a number to send to someone. A whole lot of drama over nothing tbh..

What a pointless drama. Also another one of these threads where an OP asks for opinions and then just disagrees with anyone that doesn’t give her the answers she wanted. He’s a grown man, you can’t ban him from popping to the shop.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about this specific situation too much. But moving forward, a conversation with your DH that if he does pop to the shop to knock on their door on his way there so they know/or pick up DC and she goes with him.

@Istillhaventfoundwhatiwaslookingfor if it’s so casual and informal then just send the text saying ‘popping to shop, back by xxx’

Even if you’re on your way to work takes seconds to send a text before you drive off

😂I was on time, sat waiting for him to get home, he made me later to leave than i’d like by causing an argument just because he couldn’t wait two hours for a cigarette

So realistically how far away is the shop? It doesn’t sound like him nipping out to by cigarettes would take that long. (There’s a lot of nipping in this thread the word has lost all meaning to me).

I think you’re being a little rigid here.

Ah fair enough.
If he just needed cigarettes why would it take so long at the shop?

5 minutes away..but as I said his version of nipping (sorry) to the shops can take an hour plus

As if he asked you for change! It’s 2025 😂😂

Because he normally goes by the beach to look at the waves etc, it’s not too much to ask for one time for him to be there for Dd is it