To think it’s not ok for Dh to nip out to the shop

[Istillhaventfoundwhatiwaslookingfor]

I work aa few evenings a week for a couple of hours.
As soon as Dh gets home, I go and he takes over looking after Dd, 7 years old.
Once a week, she generally goes to her neighbour friends house to play. We either walk round to get her or the mum drops her, we don’t have set times and all very casual. When i’m home, if Dd goes to play there, I don’t go anywhere unless she needs to come back or the mum walks her round and I’m not there..,usually the mum just says bye to her and Dd comes in the house herself through the patio door.
Yesterday she went to this friend’s house, Dh came home and I was leaving and said Dd was at friends house. He asked if I had any change as was going to nip to the shop, I said Dd might come back at any time, so he couldn’t as I obviously wouldn’t be there (plus, Dh nipping to the shop isn’t a 5 minute job like when I go)
He got confused and a bit peed off and said he wouldn’t be long. I ended up saying i’d have to stay at home while he went then as Dd could nip
back for anything. He huffed and I went as was late then for work.
He obviously then didn’t go, but Aibu to think it’s irresponsible that he even considered it?

What?

I found out recently that name for that is semantic satiation, which sounds nicer than it feels when it happens.

You couldn’t have just told him to leave a note on the door and make it a 5 min trip? Otherwise that’s where that handy text to the friend’s mum comes in to play.

Why haven’t you shared her # with him?

I don’t understand why the solution couldn’t have just been to forgoe his seaside lament and just get fags and come back within 5 mins?

Thank you! I never knew that had a name 😁

I love learning something new!

Says who? You? Clearly your DH disagrees

It would've taken seconds to give him the mum's number, or even to text her yourself.

ETA: And he should have it anyway.

Because it’s often the grandma supervising and just drops her at the gate and goes and Dd often just walks in, if we weren’t there she’d be home alone, scared and I don’t know what she’d do

Does no one agree with me that he could’ve just waited a couple of hours for a bloody cigarette 😂

Then maybe address that rather than policing him.

Teach her what to do should there be no one in. Ie, returning to friend etc.

Surely it’s safer for us to be responsible and make sure we’re in for our Dd at age 7?!

Then get the numbers sorted and make sure he texts.

It's got nothing to do with cigarettes.

It's the fact both of you should have the mum's number, not just you.

Firstly he needs the number of the friend if he was in charge anyway then he can text the mum and say he needs to nip to the shop and will be 20 minutes or whatever, is that ok

Look, he needs the mums number anyway.

she’s basically gone round to play at a friends, which is fine. But if you are going to work and leaving him in charge he needs to be able to contact the mum to get her back if something comes up.

never mind the cigarettes, what if his mum rings to say she’s had a fall and is waiting for an ambulance but can he come? (Or similar). He should have contact details for where his child is.

Would your DD not just go back to her friend’s house if nobody was home or call out to the Gran? You said it was just a few doors down, right?

I think you need to do a few things here…

1. Give you DH their contact information! (Seriously how hard is this?)
2. Talk to your DD about what she should do if for some reason neither of you are home when she returns (This could happen even if you were there… another neighbor has an emergency, you need to nip to the shop, etc.) She’s at a great age to have this conversation with.
3. Relax a little bit.

Could he have taken her to look at the waves?
I feel like there is something fishy about this story, was he off to do something more than buy cigarettes? ….something less legal perhaps?

I find it weird that your DD just comes and goes with no set times... when does she have dinner? Bath etc. Surely the joy of play dates is that you can get things done and go out if needed... but you just sit at home waiting for her to maybe nip back.

Oh FFS 🙄

No not at all, but he would take longer than 5 minutes.
She likes to play with this friend, would prefer that than going out with him

I agree about the number and have forwarded it to him.
I suppose I just know that he’s not that responsible/ doesn’t think and wouldn’t text her probably or she may not check her phone etc as rarely does, I just walk round there if I need to

Im assuming you don’t smoke and would prefer that he didn’t either?

This is what I mean, why wouldn’t he just go round? Perhaps he wasn’t functionally able to…

I suspect it’s more that the OP doesn’t like him smoking - can’t blame her there - it’s expensive and a horrible habit! Otherwise it would have been irrelevant what he was going out to get.

Yes. He should have able to go a couple of hours without a ciggy, or plan better as he knew you were going to work, BUT I don’t see the issue with him nipping out to the shop. He needs the number for those other parent as there could be many reasons he needs to get hold of her (whether to say DD needs to come home now, to let her know no-one will be home for 10 mins or to ask for some childcare help in an emergency). Your daughter is 7, she’s old enough to start having a little independence and responsibility such as walking to or from a neighbours house in these circumstances (assuming no roads to cross). It would be good to teach her what to do if you weren’t there (you mentioned she’d be home alone, but presumably the door would be locked so she wouldn’t end up in the house alone).

This is so bizarre! I have a 7 year old and 3 year old and live in a cul de sac where the kids play in each other's houses and out front together all the time. If my 7 year old is playing out or at my neighbour's house and I want to or need to pop out I just let my neighbour know that she is the supervising adult and off I go. Same goes vice versa. The kids would not be scared if they went back to their home and found no one there, they would just go back to playing outside or at the other home, and if they needed something ask the other parent who was available.

Obviously with my 3 year old it's slightly different, she plays out with the big kids but if she goes over to my neighbour's house to play then it's an arrangement I make properly with my neighbour. The bigger kids knock on each other's doors and go between the houses more freely, though we do make sure there is always one adult around in either house who knows where they are.