Am I on the autistic scale

[Prescila1982]

Hi, has anyone on here been diagnosed as an adult as being autistic or on the autistic scale, not sure the correct term.

I've never had much interest in having friends or interacting that much with people. I have a few friends but dont have a close relationship with anyone. Dont think I've ever been in love either. I'm 43 this year. Dont feel I understand people. Feel different and an outsider all the time. Very shy and quiet.

I watch the same tv programs all the time. Rewatch the same programs or films all the time rather than anything new. Dont have any particular interests or hobbies but like order and being organised. Have weird sort of OCD tendencies to touch certain fabrics or surfaces that have a certain feel and will do it regularly like a compulsion if I see the fabric or surface.

I know some of this could be autistic traits but could also just be 43 years of being "alone" and just situational more than anything. Does this sound familiar to anyone who had an adult diagnosis? I wasnt sure whether to bother the doctor with this as you always hear about services being stretched.

MN perhaps not the correct place to post but a range of issues seem to get discussed on this website. Thank you.

I scored 22 on the quiz which shocked me as I have so many unsociable traits but absolutely know what people are thinking. If you have lots of one lot of traits, but none of the others like special subjects, routine and organisation, does that rule out autism? I’m just wondering at what point you’re diagnosed positively.

Someone posted a link to one of the self assessment sites on Rmweb - a model railway forum and one reply was the poster didn't have time to do it as he was trying to find out when the company he modelled started using brass numbers on its carriages

I've had all the same questions! I feel like if I was on the spectrum I'd get a lot more leeway. But because I have some other issue it's just like "why aren't you a normal adult? Why are you such a failure?" even though I'm so different to everyone else. It was not normal to be so withdrawn and unhappy as a child but childhood depression wasn't a thing in the 90s. Uni I went for a bit then dropped out (local uni only as dorms would've been my idea of hell) and I had no interest in going to begin with it was just the done thing. I did so many things alone as a kid, even though I had the choice not to. Maybe being rigid in my likes/dislikes I just didn't wanna go stand outside in the cold with the other kids so I'd sit alone in the library. I've never had a proper relationship, sharing my space to that extent is completely out of my comfort zone.

Yes I understand all those phrases (in fact I LOVE to use them) the only thing I've got wrong is I have on occasion assumed someone to be talking to me but they actually were talking to someone else, so maybe not so good with social cues after all!

The thing is there's a lot that makes me think I could be on the spectrum but just as many that make me think I'm not so it's really hard to know. Sorry this is kind of long, your post just really resonated with me!

@Prescila1982 I just wanted to say that, of course, speak to a Psychiatrist as part of your diagnosis, if you decide to go down that road. I have learned that self-diagnosis is equally accepted in the autistic community. Whichever path you choose, you will likely find (as on this thread) people who share your experiences. I know online is not the same as IRL - just to help you feel not alone and find a community which will help to support you. Also, I note that you have referred to yourself as 'weird'. You are not, you are your own, individual and wonderful self.

I wanted to come back to you on the OCD part specifically. When you say you have tendencies to touch things and it’s compulsive-if you don’t do this, do you become distressed? So with OCD my understanding is it’s about rituals (could be touching things, repetitive behaviours, mental rituals) but basically the person feels compelled to do these things to relieve a fear or anxiety. Whereas with ASD people can have sensory overload and dislike or really like certain sensations. You could ask your doctor for more info. ASD and OCD can often occur together.

Do you have sensory issues? Did you have trouble making friends in school? How do you feel about small talk? And about people hinting at things instead of saying them directly? Do you have to stick to routines rigedly and feel disregulated if you can't stick to them? Do you struggle outside of your comfort zone, for example when on holiday? Do you feel uncomfortable when making eye contact?

Hi, it seems to be more about just really liking the feeling of it. And there is one thing that just really relaxes me also so I have this fabric when I'm watching tv or in bed. I like the feeling and it's like I can feel it in my teeth or mouth if that makes any sense at all.

Hi, those are like the questions in the links people have posted. I dont get upset when out of a routine. Frustrated a bit but that can be normal? No major issues with eye contact. Not sure re the hinting one. Not good with small talk. Never good at making friends. Not keen on loud places or places with too many people but again presumably that can be normal with shy people. Dont like breathing or eating noises but I think that's the case for lots of people 😆

Just to add-I only ever read non-fiction books which is apparently a "trait"-occasionally I've forced myself to read one of the classics just to be slightly more educated. I really hate reading fiction though.

Just going back to your earlier post about your childhood- were your parents aware there was something wrong or was it just not talked about? Do you think you would ever go for testing?

I find I like to read autobiographies. Or if its fiction it needs to be quite easy reading with relatable characters.

I think if it’s more of an enjoyable thing, it’s very unlikely to be OCD-which is very good news if that’s the case. I think strongly liking or disliking certain textures and sensations is very common for people with ASD, but it could be for others too. If it’s bringing you pleasure it sounds like a good thing

Just to clarify, Autism isn't a scale; it's a spectrum.

@Prescila1982 My parents just thought I was shy I think. It's only when I look back I realise it went beyond that. I'm not sure if they knew about the OCD, I probably counted and checked things in private from like age 10. The worst thing now is constant hand washing but I don't know if I had that as a kid or it came later. I grew out of the counting and tapping things but still have to have things in a straight line and check things a few times (not as bad as before) I always thought OCD only affected me mildly so I never got diagnosed. It's only recently I realised my thought processes were so different to other people because of it. Rumination and stuff like that which I didn't put down to OCD at first. Do you struggle with similar issues?

I'm not sure where I would start with testing. I mentioned anxiety and depression to my doctor but not in any sort of depth. Not spoken to anyone about the OCD. Sometimes I think I'll go get tested for all these things but procrastination is something I struggle with too so I keep putting it off.

Yes I got audible and the only thing I've listened to is the autobiographies-they are just so interesting to me, I must've listened to one 5+ times! If I like something I watch it/listen to it so many times. It's like groundhog day everyday do the same thing, ruminate on the past over and over, rinse and repeat.

I’ve realised recently that I might be on the spectrum.

I was painfully shy as a child, every school report said I was too quiet and I struggled socially. I was scared to speak out in class for fear of looking stupid.

I still struggle socially. I feel so awkward and struggle with conversation because my mind goes blank and I can’t think of things to say - I struggle with small talk. I’ve seen threads slating people who don’t make effort, but I just can’t do it. I can’t make a phone call or meet up with someone without planning things I need to say. I avoid socialising with more than one person at a time, as I find it too much and struggle with hearing and following conversation with a lot going on. I relive conversations over and over afterwards, worrying about what I’ve said.

I have no close friends, I have a couple of friends that I meet up with but no one that I could call if I needed to chat. I always thought I was just shy and introverted but it’s only reading other people’s experiences that has made me realise that it could be more. I really struggle with work due to the social aspect and having to interact with people, and fear of not being good enough.

I am extremely organised and like to plan in detail. I’m anxious and spend a lot of time worrying about things that could go wrong. I often notice patterns in car regs. I’ve some repetitive habits that I just can’t stop like picking the skin around my nails, and looking back I’ve always done something like this from being a child. I have a special interest that I’m obsessed with and spend every spare minute doing (crafting). I am terrible with procrastination. I can spend hours completing one task and a day can fly without me having got much done, as I get distracted very easily. I’ll start a task, but as I constantly have a conversation with myself in my mind and I’ll think of something else and leave the thing I’m doing to do the new thing I’ve thought of while I remember. And so it continues.

However I only scored 31 on that test. I think because I love reading, including fiction, and I am imaginative and can imagine characters and stories - which is great for reading but makes me anxious in real life as I imagine all sorts of terrible scenarios that might happen all the time.

I dont have any OCD issues like that. I have occasionally found myself lining things up on a table in front of me but that's just one off sort of things. I have my touch thing with certain fabric and surfaces but that's an enjoyable thing.

Did the doctor suggest any medication for your depression?

Maybe in a few months time we should both come back to this thread to see if either of us went to the doctor 😄

@crinkledfan have you ever been to speak to a doctor or physciatrist about how you feel? Be interested to hear your experiences. I've been to the doctor before over the years about the depression and it's always a case of them wanting to prescribe antidepressants. I decided they were no use for me around 5 years ago so stopped taking anything.

No I haven’t. I only see a GP when really essential as I hate having to speak on the phone to make an appointment and I feel like I’m being a time waster unless I have something seriously wrong. My GP has no idea about any of this. I was tempted when the anti shyness medication was in the media, but I couldn’t bring myself to seek help. I would not accept antidepressants personally because I am not depressed, it’s the way I’ve always been.

Ah sorry I shouldnt have assumed you might be depressed. It's also good that you have crafting that you enjoy.

Do you ever wonder if its social anxiety? This is what I sometimes wonder about myself. Is it bad social anxiety or is there a bit more to it. So many people talk about shyness like its something only young people/kids have and that people just grow out of it. So it makes me wonder why at 43 I still have these issues.

No worries and yes I assumed it was social anxiety for years. Reading stories on here that has made me consider that it might be something more, and I have realised that other things about me which I had thought were normal apparently aren’t. Thinking about it my parents have some similar traits too, which explains why they wouldn’t have thought anything of the way I was/ am.

I dont have any OCD issues like that. I have occasionally found myself lining things up on a table in front of me but that's just one off sort of things. I have my touch thing with certain fabric and surfaces but that's an enjoyable thing.

Ah that's good. I wouldn't wish the rumination on anyone! Apparently there are a few different types of OCD that present in different ways so it might be worth looking into just to rule out. Although it sounds like you don't have a need to do these things so it's probably not OCD (but I'm no expert).

Yeah doc does want me to go on antidepressants-although it was mainly for my anxiety as that's new for me. We're getting my thyroid sorted first (underactive) and seeing how I feel after that's corrected. I am defo reluctant to go on antidepressants though. I'd rather try therapy first. I found a therapist I really liked the sound of years ago. He'll probably be retired by the time I actually decide to go 😆other people have their issues but somehow they are so much more proactive in getting help...

Maybe in a few months time we should both come back to this thread to see if either of us went to the doctor 😄

Haha it's a deal!

I scored 24 on the test and I think that's about right. I don't believe I am autistic really. I feel I am pretty good at reading people's expressions, tone of voice and body language and I think I have good "theory of mind" I have a great imagination and find it easy to picture anything and I'm good at making things up and seeing things from all angles and other peoples perspectives.

However having said all that I do find it difficult to make friends and I never feel I fit in with other women or anyone really but mostly I am not too bothered by that. I kind of prefer to do my own thing and I am married. I hate big crowds and busy places, parties and lots of noise. I have difficulty with certain smells, fabrics and textures, nail polish is gross to me and I never stop feeling the weight of it on my fingers. I won't go to the hairdresser, or get massages because I find it too awkward and dislike random people touching me. I dislike social gatherings unless they are very small like 5 people is the most I feel comfortable with and so every wedding, funeral and party feels like torture for me, I don't enjoy them only endure them out of familial obligation. I prefer seeing family and friends one on one or in very small groups.

I do tend to have more specialist interests related to my field of study and hobbies I have. I don't expect anyone else to care or want to hear about them though. In social situations I get by by asking others about themselves and rarely talk about myself.

I would describe myself as a loner (although I am married) with some sensory processing issues. I also have some adhd type traits but don't quite meet the criteria. I do have a diagnosis of dyspraxia. I have a career where networking and schmoozing is a bit part of advancing and I'm really awful at that I struggle with flattering people I find to be not very decent people so I'd say my issues have held me back somewhat.

@castanova I won't go to the hairdresser, or get massages because I find it too awkward and dislike random people touching me

The hairdressers I don't mind too much. But I remember one time my brother bought me a voucher for a spa day-lots of pampering, massages etc. just goes to show how much he knows me. It's my absolute idea of hell! I had to give it away. I would absolutely hate a massage.