Am I on the autistic scale

[Prescila1982]

Hi, has anyone on here been diagnosed as an adult as being autistic or on the autistic scale, not sure the correct term.

I've never had much interest in having friends or interacting that much with people. I have a few friends but dont have a close relationship with anyone. Dont think I've ever been in love either. I'm 43 this year. Dont feel I understand people. Feel different and an outsider all the time. Very shy and quiet.

I watch the same tv programs all the time. Rewatch the same programs or films all the time rather than anything new. Dont have any particular interests or hobbies but like order and being organised. Have weird sort of OCD tendencies to touch certain fabrics or surfaces that have a certain feel and will do it regularly like a compulsion if I see the fabric or surface.

I know some of this could be autistic traits but could also just be 43 years of being "alone" and just situational more than anything. Does this sound familiar to anyone who had an adult diagnosis? I wasnt sure whether to bother the doctor with this as you always hear about services being stretched.

MN perhaps not the correct place to post but a range of issues seem to get discussed on this website. Thank you.

@Prescila1982 I used to think I had hearing issues because I would ask people to repeat things. After I was diagnosed I noticed that only happens when someone says something I'm not expecting, and it's actually that I haven't processed what they've said, not that I haven't heard it.

The one that made me chuckle was my assessor asking if I have ever had trouble getting served, or with queuing. All my life, if I've been queuing in a shop, or (as an adult) at a bar I get ignored. I really struggle to get people to notice me. Somehow people think I'm just waiting around for the fun of it? Apparently autistic people can give such 'closed off' vibes that it's read as 'don't talk to me, I don't need you to speak to me even though I'm stood here with money in my hand doing a common social routine'. For me it's also linked to not being able to judge when to speak up, so if the person looks for 'who's next' I hesitate, so the go to the next person assuming I'd been served.

As a child of the 70s/80s I got sent to the shop a lot, and it was so stressful as I couldn't understand why I was invisible!

I could have written this.

I got a diagnosis at 43 from right to choose, and it was very useful, got a report of tens of pages with all useful information, the process itself helped me to realise that there wasn't something bad about me, it was just a thing that wasn't really my fault.
I'd spent so much time thinking I was a bad person if I didn't hide all those things, and not really accepting them.
They picked up that I had high anxiety due to masking and said I should watch for burnout and suggested various avenues which I can pursue for suitable support.
The GP was more interested in treating the symptoms but I'm glad I pushed for the underlying cause.
If course it's a personal decision but for me it was definitely a positive. It's also put me in a better frame of mind for my child's upcoming assessment.

That gave me a little chuckle too, can relate to that a bit 😊

@johnd2 yes I find I dont want to talk about myself much as I don't want to give things away that might out things I'm trying to hide. I know it's bad to lie but like the TV thing I just pretend I watch new programs but be vague about it as I don't want people to know I just watch repeats all the time.

I'm sure my score has gone up since being diagnosed. It's common for high masking autistics to appear more autistic after diagnosis due to accepting that it's ok to be themselves, rather than pushing that down and giving the learnt "correct" response in situations.

I scored 28 and am neurotypical.

Most people do. Look up how much of Netflix's streaming is The Office (US) or Friends. It's comforting and familiar.

Whatever answer comes back to you, you're not weird. You're not harming anyone, are you, so you do you.

Interesting! I am also incredibly untidy and I've been through a lot of stress in life because of it. Am also dyslexic, dyspraxic and discalculia.

Have a look at this thread OP. It’s full of supportive posts that posters gave me when I was in a spin and you might find it helpful. I’ve read several times they NT people don’t spend time wondering if they are autistic and I found that interesting. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters/5269909-what-if-the-assessment-says-im-not-autistic?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

@Hibernatingtilspring If you haven’t done so already, have a look at Auditory Processing Disorder. I’m not trying to invalidate your diagnosis: APD can be an independent diagnosis in its own right but it’s not uncommon for Autistic people to have APD too. Just throwing it out there in case it’s of interest.

Thanks, yes if I'm thinking about it and aware of things about myself- that could well be a sign I'm not on the scale as I have that self awareness.

I have a lot of self awareness. Girls are socialised differently to boys and this affects how we present.

Yes it's just when they talk about long waiting lists and high demand- am I wasting someone's time if I'm just shy and weird rather than on the scale. If your at that inbetween point (probably only just on the scale) should you do an assessment or just realise it's not a big deal anyway.

Thanks @PeachPumpkin I'll have a look into it, though for me it feels like I've almost run out of processing space. I'm so busy being distracted by the environment, thinking about my body language, thinking about eye contact, thinking of what to say next, that if someone goes 'off script' it throws me - my brain is doing too many other things and this inconsiderate person has deviated from the pattern I was expecting.

You can bet I'm great fun at parties 😂

@Prescila1982 I attended training by the ASD assessment team in my neighbouring authority. They told us that:

Pretty much every adult who self refers worries that they're time wasting
Pretty much all of them turn up armed with research and justifications about why they think they may or may not be autistic
It's very, very rare for someone who has self referred not to actually be autistic. As mentioned, neurotypical people rarely think about it, or spend ages ruminating over it, or jump through all the hoops required to be assessed

Re the point above as well, I agree that women are much more likely to be self aware. I know i info dump. I just don't realise it while I'm doing it, and afterwards I cringe about it. The difference between it being autism, and being say, limited social skills, is as much as I know it, I can't change it. The best I can do is stay completely silent. I can't do the nuance. I can't see it in the moment and adapt what I'm doing.

But there is where you're going wrong. You have as much right as anybody to have a decent life, and clearly you're puzzled by why you are the way you are. So put it to your GP , or community mental health care. I had a very late assessment for dyslexia, and while nothing was done about it, (for various reasons) it helped me understand and accept myself.

Thank you. If the waiting list is that long I'll have plenty time to keep thinking about it all in the meantime 😆

If the waiting list is that long, go to community centres and see if they have mental wellbeing assessments, and just go search!

Oh gosh, that's me! Currently struggling myself OP as I've been finding things tougher than usual recently, especially with gauging what people expect from me when texting. I just can't seem to figure out how they want me to respond/what they need, but when I've asked in the past they've gotten angry with me so now I'm anxious any time it happens and afraid to say I don't understand.

A friend mentioned that their GP had said that perimenopause can disrupt autistic women's abilities to mask, so I did an AQ screener, and it came back high. So I did another one, and then another 3 and a monotropic thinking questionnaire and they all came back high. Now the one on this thread, which scored 34, and I'm not sure what to think anymore because I didn't think I was autistic... my sister is and I can see how she struggles. Much more than I do.

But I did have the exact same experience with restaurants and it was funny to read someone else doing the same. I needed to understand how all of the pieces moved and worked together so I could fit in and not embarrass myself. I'm currently building up the courage to call the gym I'm a member of and ask how one actually goes to the gym because I don't want to walk in and not know what the other people do. Do you have to book in advance? Or just show up? Do I just tap my card at the entrance? Speak to the reception people? How does it work and what does it look like?

I need to know so I can play the role of a gym person until I feel comfortable. If I can become the character and fit in, then I can gradually relax into the group/club/place. I've been copying pictures of people hiking recently - bought the same clothes and will try to look like them, so I can go hiking too. I don't want to stand out.

Like you I struggle with friendships. I don't feel much desire to socialise, but I do feel lonely. I seem to be good at meeting new people - they like me it seems - but I don't seem to be able to translate that into an ongoing friendship. I'm lucky to have a few good friends but I do worry about accidentally upsetting them.

I wasn’t convincing need I have many repetitive and restrictive behaviours (part of the diagnostic criteria) but looking at my report I actually scored very highly in that area. My traits are normal for me and fairly normal for my family but very unusual to outsiders. Of course lots of people will play this down by saying everybody does xyz so you can’t be autistic 🙄

Like you I struggle with friendships. I don't feel much desire to socialise, but I do feel lonely. I seem to be good at meeting new people - they like me it seems - but I don't seem to be able to translate that into an ongoing friendship. I'm lucky to have a few good friends but I do worry about accidentally upsetting them.

OMG, this! I do like meeting up with people once I know them, but I'm crap at going to a large gathering where I don't know anyone. I'm okay if they speak to me and ask questions, but I can't initiate it, and end up standing on my own watching, and no one talks to me, as thry don't know me.

Sounds like me. I did go through a period of thinking I could be autistic, but now I don't really think I am. I have OCD (though not diagnosed) I watch the same stuff over and over. I haven't watched a new film in literal years, I don't have the attention span or interest. Relate better to animals and socialising exhausts me. Spent most of my childhood on my own (through choice) but did have a few friends. Have no idea how as I barely spoke as a child I was so shy!

Things that make me think I'm not on the spectrum is I understand body language, sarcasm and social cues. And I've done one of those tests before and came out borderline at most. I think most of my problems are down to depression which I had REALLY young, you don't hear much about kids being depressed though. Not saying that's your issue but you do mention some OCD traits and I think there is a link with depression. OCD has also affected me more than I realised.

Yes that sounds like me and I have suffered with depression since my teens. The depression and shyness meant I didnt experience the usual stuff growing up. So if a person is very shy plus they grow up not experiencing 'life' then it will affect their social development. So that's why I question whether it's just circumstance I am like this.

The questions about things like - do you understand what the phrase 'break a leg' means, I definitely understand stuff like that. I do take things quite literally but not that extreme.

I've had 2 people casually say I might be autistic in the past but I think they said that more out of not understanding autism. And I dont feel it was said out of any concern.