Am I on the autistic scale

[Prescila1982]

Hi, has anyone on here been diagnosed as an adult as being autistic or on the autistic scale, not sure the correct term.

I've never had much interest in having friends or interacting that much with people. I have a few friends but dont have a close relationship with anyone. Dont think I've ever been in love either. I'm 43 this year. Dont feel I understand people. Feel different and an outsider all the time. Very shy and quiet.

I watch the same tv programs all the time. Rewatch the same programs or films all the time rather than anything new. Dont have any particular interests or hobbies but like order and being organised. Have weird sort of OCD tendencies to touch certain fabrics or surfaces that have a certain feel and will do it regularly like a compulsion if I see the fabric or surface.

I know some of this could be autistic traits but could also just be 43 years of being "alone" and just situational more than anything. Does this sound familiar to anyone who had an adult diagnosis? I wasnt sure whether to bother the doctor with this as you always hear about services being stretched.

MN perhaps not the correct place to post but a range of issues seem to get discussed on this website. Thank you.

It is fairly clear Op that you actively want a diagnosis to explain away the fact that you aren’t at all happy or satisfied in life, in terms of work and lack of any kind of meaningful relationship.

They may be linked but absolutely not definitely. Either way, won’t actually address the fact that you seem very dissatisfied and lonely.

I got 37 and 3 out of my 5 children are neurodivergent. I always just thought of myself as introverted but I think the kicker is that I have no visual imagination. I cannot see anything in my head if that makes sense. I also loathe social situations. Hmmm

I think if it will help you OP then why not speak to your GP. It will do no harm and may do you some good.

I think being described as shy was quite a nice description for little girls in the past. Demure and quiet when in fact they had acute self consciousness and low self esteem - I was the latter. Which is not so nice to be.

Hi OP sorry I haven’t read the thread, but there are lots of good books about managing autism if you are autistic. Since there’s no medication (unlike adhd), then unless you are hoping for adjustments at work, and if formal testing is not on the cards, then read the books anyway and learn strategies that can help people with those traits anyway.

There’s a lot of discussion about whether neurodiversity is a thing in itself rather than a threshold of observable symptoms that have been lumped together.

As an ND woman with ND kids, I am now taking the view (with a lot of thinking and reading behind me) that diagnosis is helpful if it can get you adjustments that compensate for some of the difficulties of having these traits (eg for me and my kids… disorganisation, emotional disregulation, connection issues) so v helpful in school, but I tell my kids that beyond this, unless they want to tell people at work in order to get adjustments - which may also cause resentment and issues from colleagues - then the best strategy is really to understand yourself so that you can be kinder to yourself and also learn some hacks for managing yourself in social situations and the workplace. (The exception is adhd medication which I have found v useful at times but only take when I feel I need it).

I would also recommend psychotherapy which can help identify issues around empathy and connection, it’s likely that you weren’t able to connect with your parents in some ways (btw you see this is nt families too - probably a human thing) and therapy can help you identify some ways of perceiving the world that perpetuate your aloneness which can actually be overcome.

xx

OP I'm a similar age to you and think I'm autistic and ocd. People telling you on here you are or you're not isn't conclusive obviously. I did that before and had some nasty comments but it's hard to explain that feeling of being different or not quite fitting in or the conversation always going slightly over your head. I'm considering going for diagnosis more for my peace of mind.

I was diagnosed about 4 years ago when I was in my mid 50s and have AuADHD - the inattentive ADHD. I did wonder, if I should too - whether I really was autistic/have ADHD.

I did struggle to get a referral and ended up going privately. GP dissuaded me and sent me down a path of getting CBT first but that team were unable to diagnose so please advocate for yourself and strongly!

I didn't have developmental delays (parents no longer around so can't check for sure but not that I recall hearing about) but I was always very quiet at school too, had few friends and was bullied. I can get sarcasm, body language and comments like 'break a leg'. However, I do also take things quite literally sometimes too.
Only had my brother who remembers me to ask to do a survey but we do have someone in the family who was diagnosed a few years prior (much younger).
PP who said that eye contact is painful - that resonates.

Also, the messiness!
I like to know how things work/what is going to happen too.

@Hibernatingtilspring that is so interesting about the queuing and being invisible. Definitely relate and have had people look right through me at parties. I was once told I wasn't dynamic enough.

OP, I think ultimately the diagnosis is for you and whether you are or not you will have some of the answers you are looking for. I felt a bit of grief after getting mine which surprised me, but my family congratulated me and my diagnosis letter started with 'Congratulations' too so there was that positive. Good luck.

That's it, it doesnt change anything. I cant change how I am. I think I will at least mention it to my GP. And I could also speak to a physciatrist about my concerns and what they said might determine if I went for a diagnosis. They might confidently say no I dont think your on the scale but I think you have xyz.

@loppity yes I think it's no good trying to diagnose myself. That's what trained experts are for. I can have theories but I could be wrong. I don't need care, I dont need adjustments, it's for me to try to help make sense of things. One way or the other. And even if I am on the scale it's great that so many people are understanding and its not looked down upon.

I’m late-diagnosed autistic and the reason it wasn’t picked up when I was younger is because my dad (and most of his family) are also autistic (not known at the time) so they just thought my behaviour was normal.

I come across as very high-masking - I drive, run a business and am happily married - but the reality is that I can’t hold down a full-time job, I struggle hugely with sensory overload and have issues with processing conversations in loud environments. So if DH is talking to me and (for example) the washing machine is on, I can’t make out what he says even though I can hear him perfectly well. I also struggle with delayed understanding of things when people talk to me sometimes.

I also info-dump, have lots of special interests and need a routine in order for my brain to settle and for me to be happy. If my routine is disrupted (even a little bit) it can put my whole day out of kilter and leave me really stressed.

My GP happens to have a special interest in autism and said he would have diagnosed me on the spot if he could (maybe I’m not that high-masking after all!) and referred me straight away.

But what about expending some energy on actually doing something about your situation that is making you unhappy?

I’d say having been recently diagnosed (I got my diagnosis 2 weeks ago) that the knowing officially is quite different to the being pretty sure you are autistic. I also have ADHD and again the diagnosis has made a difference. I’m not just identifying as ND, I am ND. Reading the ADHD report that stated I was disabled as a result was hard. The autism one doesn’t mention disability at all. I don’t really feel disabled but my functioning in certain situations is severely limited and the truth is that I am disabled. I’m also awesome in a crisis, creative, think outside the box, a great problem solver and very passionate about things that matter. It’s not all negative at all. The diagnoses haven’t changed who I am, they have made me accept who I am more. I’m 48 for reference and have spent my whole life struggling and failing at being what people expected me to be. Having a reason for that is something I’m still adjusting to. I’d recommend assessment to anybody questioning autism or ADHD.

Getting a diagnosis (or exploring one) is often the first step in accepting who you are and why you feel the way you do.

Better off spending some energy in thinking how you can address the features of your life which is making you unhappy

in the OP’s job it’s a dull job and a lack of any meaningful relationships

sure go for the diagnosis
but in parallel, consider how you can improve your lot in life

You’re missing the point that a diagnosis is often what gives you those answers, as well as the knowledge to start making changes.

My diagnosis didn’t change who I am but it helped me understand the way my brain works (alongside ongoing therapy) which meant I was then able to start making changes that made me happier overall.

It’s also very likely that OP isn’t sure how to start making changes as autism is often characterised by a need for the routine and the familiar.

What changes did you make following your diagnosis that you would not have made without the diagnosis?

how long ago did you get your diagnosis @faerietales ?

@Clickjawdiagnosis gives you the permission you need to give yourself a break on things. It confirms you are different and not broken. We spend our lives believing there is something wrong with us and being told that we need to change and try harder. Diagnosis allows for understanding of our differences and the confirmation that we are not broken at all. Our brains just work in a different way and that’s ok. We don’t do change very well at all but allowing ourselves the space to breathe and accept ourselves is vital to moving forward in finding a way that suits our differences instead of trying to fit ourselves into a life that is never going to work for us.

@Clickjaw your posts come across as very mean. The whole point is that if someone is autistic, the chances are they have been spinning their wheels for years trying and failing to change their life, not understanding why they find it so difficult to achieve things others find easy. Having a diagnosis can help a person understand themselves enough to adjust their goals, and accept trying for a slightly different life.
Loneliness with autism is common, for some autistic people it feels negative, for some not (ie people who don't feel any need for connection) It isn't something that can easily be solved. Not least because when an autistic person does have friends, it's rarely with the same type of relationship & feelings we're told we're meant to have. It's an adjustment to accept that.

@ShinyBeans yes! I rarely talk about it IRL because people think I must be anxious. I'm not anxious - I'm not thinking that I'll do something silly and that people in the restaurant will notice. It's that if I can't think how it works, it's as impossible as say, me going into a garage and fixing a car. I can't do it, so I don't go. And transferable skills don't seem to help - I still struggle even though iv been to lots of restaurants, I often freeze when I walk in. I have since understood it as the sensory overload overwhelms me so I struggle to say, decide where to sit because my brain is working on too much.
The internet is an absolute blessing, my life has got so much bigger since I can look everything up on YouTube - Im going on holiday soon so I've been watching videos to remind myself how airports work, and I've scoured the place we're going to on Google maps!

I learnt why I was the way I was - that I wasn’t a failure, I was autistic and that it wasn’t my fault my brain couldn’t cope with normal day to day life.

I cut down my working hours and learned to forgive myself when sensory overload meant I couldn’t go to a supermarket or walk in the wind and rain all day. I started to unmask and stopped putting so much pressure on myself. Without a diagnosis I’d have carried on pushing myself as I’d have been convinced I was just shit at life.

I got my diagnosis in February.

Have you actually been diagnosed yet @faerietales ?

its comforting, I know exactly what's coming. Its the same when I'm playing games as well. I also quote lines from the programs as well and use them as part of my vocabulary.

Mean?

im saying to the op alongside her pursuit of a diagnosis, what about spending time on addressing the features of her life which she has identified as lacking

Your posts just make it clear that you don’t understand autism and how difficult it is to go through life believing you’re just shit at everything with in reality it’s that your brain doesn’t work in the same way as everyone else’s.

Because on the other thread I was on with you.. you’re still waiting for your assessment and that was only a couple of weeks ago!