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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep the cheaper, smaller house to be a SAHM for a few years?

103 replies

PlantPowerr · 05/06/2025 17:06

Please help me decide mumsnet! WWYD?

I have 2 small DCs (5 months and 3ys) and am hoping for one more when baby is around 2/3y. We are looking at selling our house (lovely house but no parking and only 2 bed) to upsize to something bigger and closer to our work places. This will increase our mortgage significantly (over double what we currently pay) but will cut our commute and we will be closer to family and friends.

I am on maternity leave and I have been loving all the time I have with my kids. When I was at work I was lucky to see my elder dc for more than 1.5 hours on a weekday. I have a stressful job (teacher) and I often bring work home with me. I love my job and despite the stresses I want to continue in my career.

My DH has suggested that I could really cut my hours or even full quit my job for a few years while the kids are little. This would mean staying in the smaller house which although only two bed is still quite large. I love the idea of doing this? When will they be this little again? However I’m also so worried about leaving my job. What if I don’t get hired again? What if I lose my confidence and can’t find a post? Is it a mistake to stay in this smaller house? Will I be employable? I really don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

YABU - Get back to work and sell the house
YANBU - Stay at home for a few years and stay put.

OP posts:
Poopeepoopee · 05/06/2025 17:07

Stay home. You can always make money, you can never make time.

Guilty321 · 05/06/2025 17:08

I did the smaller house, SAHM option. Truly the best thing we've ever done! If being a SAHM is what you want, and is achievable, then do it. You can always move house, but you won't get these years back again.

77Fee · 05/06/2025 17:08

As a teacher i don't think you'd ever be unemployable.

Shelllendyouhertoothbrushtoo · 05/06/2025 17:10

Keep the smaller mortgage and stay home. If you're both happy with this it's a no brainer! You'll have no trouble finding a teaching job in a few years.

Bryonyberries · 05/06/2025 17:11

I’d choose to stay home over having a bigger house. You have the qualifications for when you decide to go back.

Icanttakethisanymore · 05/06/2025 17:12

If you'd rather be at home, stay home.

bathroomadviceneeded · 05/06/2025 17:12

Agree with @77Fee As a fellow teacher, taking a career break definitely doesn’t hit the same way as other professions. Keep up some professional development and you’ll be fine. You also have the option of some part-time online or face-to-face tutoring to pay for holidays etc.

I would 100% stay home in your situation. I wish I could have stayed home longer with mine.

Choppedcoriander · 05/06/2025 17:12

77Fee · 05/06/2025 17:08

As a teacher i don't think you'd ever be unemployable.

Loads of teachers can’t get jobs! It partly depends on where you live and whether you teach primary or secondary, and which subject.

Snowdropsaremyfavourite · 05/06/2025 17:14

Now? I would love to stay at home. When my children were young? I couldn't wait to go back to work for the social aspect and to be around colleagues who were mothers themselves and could give me lots of advice and reassurance!

What about taking a job with less stress, hours and responsibility just to keep your foot in the door of the world of work? A job may be hard to get back into should you have a career break. Totally up to you though OP.

Hankunamatata · 05/06/2025 17:15

Are kids same sex? If different then I'd be inclined to move tbh rather than then having to worry down the line about separate rooms

Loopytiles · 05/06/2025 17:17

I wouldn’t get the larger / costlier place or quit paid work. Wouldn’t want to damage my personal earning ability or pension.

If you’re a teacher of a shortage secondary subject with loads of vacancies the risk is lower.

ravenclaworslytherin · 05/06/2025 17:20

I'm a teacher and I decided after my first child to stay at home. We were lucky we bought in a cheaper area and had a low mortgage. Ideally I would have continued working to fund an extension to create a fourth bedroom (we have three children under 8 now) but I wouldn't change my decision for the world. My kids have all been happy sharing. I went back to work as an early years teacher in a nursery when my youngest was 2. I did worry about returning to work and was scared that I wouldn't be good enough anymore but I realised that you don't forget how to teach, it definitely comes back to you. Obviously it does depend on what level and subject you teach
I had a 5.5 year break from work
If the smaller house works for you and your family now, I say ho for it

Rainbowpony6 · 05/06/2025 17:23

I was SAHM
We didn't buy the bigger house ,or the new car ,or the expensive holidays or expensive tec .
So we were able to manage on one wage
Don't regret it at all

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/06/2025 17:28

What are the other financial consequences? Was your wage just going to be spent on the higher mortgage? If not, what else is being sacrificed - savings? pensions? holidays?

For me, the house would be fine. It would be savings and pension and money for emergency costs that would concern me. Would that all be fine?

Although having said that, for me having the smaller house would be fine because I have two DDs with no desire to have more. Would not moving delay you having a third child? Would that be ok?

Createausername1970 · 05/06/2025 17:28

I was SAHP for a couple of years, then part-time term-time only.

I do not regret it. (Apart from not keeping up with pension payments).

HoskinsChoice · 05/06/2025 17:31

Do you have full access to DH's money? Will he be paying into your pension? Why is he suggesting you stay home? He gets to avoid all childcare & chores and has his tea on the table made my little wifey whilst you damage your career, your pension, your independence and your intelligent conversation. Is it what he wants or what you want?

gattocattivo · 05/06/2025 17:32

Well, it depends whether you want to be a SAHM or not! Not whether your husband wants you to be, though of course he needs to be involved in any big decisions. Personally I’m glad I always kept working (though I dropped to 3 days a week for 2 years when the kids were little and then stepped back up to full time.) But you need to decide how much you want to be home.

ForFunGoose · 05/06/2025 17:33

I would keep the smaller house and not have the third child. In a few years you could go back to work and trade up to the nicer location. Your children won’t mind where they live when little but as teenagers it would be nice to be near family and friends.

Radra · 05/06/2025 17:34

As a teacher, I wouldn't worry about being employable.

I wouldn't personally want to be a SAHM anyway but I particularly think being a SAHM in a small house is likely to be a bit miserable. Keeping three children entertained on a rainy day in a tiny house isn't going to be a lot of fun.

In general, I would be more on the fence if you weren't looking to have 3 - that's a lot of children in a 2 bed.

I also always raise a bit of an eyebrow when men are keen for their wives to be SAHM - suggests a bit of an eagerness on their part not to have to do anything domestically which wouldn't suit me, though clearly suits some women.

I would look for something in between - part time in your current role, a couple of days of supply teaching or tutoring to keep your hand in, bit of extra income, and look to up size before having number 3

Summerisere · 05/06/2025 17:35

I think if you really want a third DC then you should prioritise getting a bigger house.

ItsNotMeEither · 05/06/2025 17:35

Teacher here, with four, now grown up, adult kids. I always worked. Yes, I missed some things, but as a teacher, we also had the benefit of me being there for all the holidays and able to take the kids to their after school activities etc.

We moved from a tiny home, to a much bigger ‘forever home’ when I was pregnant with the youngest child. This meant that all children had their own bedroom. Not that I think that’s necessary, but we really built with the idea that at one point they would all be teens and we would be grateful for that space.

So yes, they didn’t have me at home, but I was still around more often than a lot of parents who are tied to longer hours and shorter holidays. They had the benefit of growing up in a lovely home.

Both of us working meant that we also had a lot more holidays, both locally and internationally overseas, compared to some people. Over the years, quite a few people have commented on how lucky we were to do this, but it was bloody hard work at times and the sacrifice was some of that time with them as very little people.

We all make choices in life and we have to be happy with those decisions. For our family, the extra space in the home and the extra money from my wage were worth those sacrifices. Also, as I’m about to retire, working and therefore having a good pension was worth it too.

GoodStuffAnnie · 05/06/2025 17:35

Stay at home. Enjoy a much calmer life. You’ll always get a job as a teacher that’s one of the perks.

redannie18 · 05/06/2025 17:36

We had a two bed (decent sized) flat when kids were small and it was a bit of a juggle but you can make it work. It's so nice to be able to be a SAHM, I'd do it if you can.

nutbrownhare15 · 05/06/2025 17:38

Is part time an option? That's what I went for although full time now.

TillyTrifle · 05/06/2025 17:41

Three children in a two bed house sounds awful. I don’t personally think it’s responsible to plan to have three kids without adequate space to comfortably house you all. I think you need to be able to afford to move in order to have a third child. So perhaps it comes down to being a SAHM of two or a working mum of three?

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