To keep the cheaper, smaller house to be a SAHM for a few years?

[PlantPowerr]

Please help me decide mumsnet! WWYD?

I have 2 small DCs (5 months and 3ys) and am hoping for one more when baby is around 2/3y. We are looking at selling our house (lovely house but no parking and only 2 bed) to upsize to something bigger and closer to our work places. This will increase our mortgage significantly (over double what we currently pay) but will cut our commute and we will be closer to family and friends.

I am on maternity leave and I have been loving all the time I have with my kids. When I was at work I was lucky to see my elder dc for more than 1.5 hours on a weekday. I have a stressful job (teacher) and I often bring work home with me. I love my job and despite the stresses I want to continue in my career.

My DH has suggested that I could really cut my hours or even full quit my job for a few years while the kids are little. This would mean staying in the smaller house which although only two bed is still quite large. I love the idea of doing this? When will they be this little again? However I’m also so worried about leaving my job. What if I don’t get hired again? What if I lose my confidence and can’t find a post? Is it a mistake to stay in this smaller house? Will I be employable? I really don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

YABU - Get back to work and sell the house
YANBU - Stay at home for a few years and stay put.

We only have 1 DC, and a tiny 2 bed house. We kept the small house - admittedly easier with only 1 DC but it’s still honestly been a strain. I like to host, have an older relative that stays for weeks every Christmas (because she lives abroad) and DD has cousins who like to come for sleepovers which I encourage because I think it’s good for her as an only child. We both also work from home which adds a lot of stress in a cramped space.

Having said that, we kept the smaller place partly because I love the area and neighbours, and partly because it allowed me to take a full year off, then go freelance and very very part time whilst DD was tiny (she started with one day a week at the childminders). I’ve built my hours up slowly - have a permanent role now but only work between school runs. I wouldn’t swap the fact that I’ve been able to do that and the smaller house has been absolutely worth it for that - she was long awaited and I knew she’d be the only one so I wanted to maximise the time with her as much as possible.

Shes heading into year 1 in September and we’re moving somewhere much bigger. On paper we can afford to do so without me needing to go full time so that’s the aim, though I have the option to increase my hours if it turns out that’s needed.

I actually left teaching when I had DD, the work I do now is so much more flexible and allows for a great work-life balance. I can volunteer for school trips, be at Sports Day and the nativity etc without a second thought, I just make up the time after bedtime or at the weekend. Not saying I don’t get busy times or times when I’m working evenings/ having to travel very occasionally. But day-to-day it’s perfect for family life in a way teaching could never be (harder during the school holidays though!) All that to say that perhaps it doesn’t have to be either/ or - perhaps you could find some more flexible work whilst your children are tiny and go back to teaching once you’re ready.

Is there scope to extend or otherwise alter your house? We would have taken that option had it been there - the things I really wanted were an office space so DH wasn’t working all hours from the bedroom, and a’playroom’ or just somewhere to put all DD’s toys so that the living room could feel like a more relaxed and tidy space! In your case though, it would presumably be another bedroom - as I imagine having 3 in one room will be tough, with different bedtimes etc as they all grow.

And playing devils advocate, he wouldn’t have another adult to support either. It’s about team work.

I don’t disagree that two toddlers is a lot of
work (I’ve done it!) but the PP seemed to be saying she should actively refuse to do drudgery tasks, not that she wouldn’t have time to.

I get you don't want to teach OP, and I fully understand why as an ex-teacher with a young family. But why don't you want to work at all?