To keep the cheaper, smaller house to be a SAHM for a few years?

[PlantPowerr]

Please help me decide mumsnet! WWYD?

I have 2 small DCs (5 months and 3ys) and am hoping for one more when baby is around 2/3y. We are looking at selling our house (lovely house but no parking and only 2 bed) to upsize to something bigger and closer to our work places. This will increase our mortgage significantly (over double what we currently pay) but will cut our commute and we will be closer to family and friends.

I am on maternity leave and I have been loving all the time I have with my kids. When I was at work I was lucky to see my elder dc for more than 1.5 hours on a weekday. I have a stressful job (teacher) and I often bring work home with me. I love my job and despite the stresses I want to continue in my career.

My DH has suggested that I could really cut my hours or even full quit my job for a few years while the kids are little. This would mean staying in the smaller house which although only two bed is still quite large. I love the idea of doing this? When will they be this little again? However I’m also so worried about leaving my job. What if I don’t get hired again? What if I lose my confidence and can’t find a post? Is it a mistake to stay in this smaller house? Will I be employable? I really don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

YABU - Get back to work and sell the house
YANBU - Stay at home for a few years and stay put.

I’d move, delay number 3 a bit then decide. I always caution women about stopping work (pension, independence etc) but as a teacher you have a good way back relatively easily if you do stop for a while.

2 adults and 3 children in a 2 bed house with no parking sounds like hell to me. YABU.

Keep the smaller house for now and see how you go. It doesn't have to be permanent, you can move to a bigger house when you need to.

No question at all, smaller house. Be with your children! It goes by so fast and is so precious.

Take a career break . I took one for 3 years until both my DD went to school.

I'd definitely stay at home ❤️

You will never struggle to find work as a teacher

I wouldn’t choose to have 2 kids in a 2 bed house. Let alone 3, I’m sure it seems fine now while baby is small and can sleep in a drawer in your bedroom (I’m joking).

but what about when the 3 year old is 6 and the baby is 3 plus a new baby. Suddenly there is no space anywhere.

id move, get the bigger house, near family and jobs which will both help to reduce stress in terms of having (presumably) more support and less commuting.
you can’t guarantee a 3rd baby but you could always wait a little bit longer to try for one and then see about reducing your hours down.

but as a PP referred to, will your DH be paying into a pension for you if you quit now? He should do so that needs factoring in to your budget.

I’m secondary in a core subject. Living on the outskirts of a major city.

Not necessarily true. There’s lots of people on the teaching threads saying they can’t get a job anywhere and schools are only hiring very junior teachers. It depends on subject etc of course but I’m not sure we should assume
the OP can walk back into a good position easily.

OP can you be clearer if the third baby is happening either way or if part of the decision to stay put and be a SAHM means not having another baby? I can’t imagine you’re going to actively plan three kids in a two bed, surely?

Yes I feel like this sometimes. Well, maybe not quite “hell”. But for only a few years… in exchange for more time with my DC…

She works in a core subject near a big city - in this case, she may be fine xx

I think three kids in a small 2 bed is a lot.
Could you get a slightly bigger house, say a small three bed and go back part time? Best of both worlds IMO.

Im still doing the smaller house and love it.

I don't think it's fair at all to have 3 children in a 2 bed house. Quite frankly, you can't afford three children. I think the choice is really between a career break with the two children you have, or going back to work and prioritising the third.

It won't be hell at all. My 3 all share a room by choice. You'll be fine for a few more years. You can always reassess and move if it becomes an issue. The parking would bother me far more than the bedrooms honestly.

Don't see the issue with two children sharing a bedroom. Just responding to a post.

‘Core’ subject or subject with lots of vacancies?

if you teach English or humanities, for example, it could be tricky to get back into teaching work. if it’s physics, should be easy.

The by choice bit is pretty key though..

They can choose not to if it stops working for them and you have the storage space in the unused bedrooms

For me, a 2 bed house was fine with 2 young children but more problematic as they got older and wanted their own space. We moved when our dds were 10 and 8 (later than planned) and it made a big difference to our quality of life. I would find it very challenging to live in a 2 bed with 3 children.

How is your living space downstairs? A playroom for toy storage would make a difference.

I don’t regret my years as a SAHM at all , however it doesn’t sound like you’ve yet got the home you need for the family you want to have . As another poster has said would you be satisfied with 2. Is there room to extend into the loft maybe where you are ? Is there a cheaper 3 bed option ? Would part time be an option ?

I would stay where you are and be a SAHM, best thing I ever did.

We're in a little 3 bed. But my point is, at those ages they can share for quite some time. The 3rd one doesn't even exist yet. That bridge can be crossed when they come to it.

I stayed at home for several years and we made huge sacrifices to do that - we didn’t have a holiday for four years, had to do all our home improvements ourselves. Couldn’t afford new cars or clothes for years. But it was absolutely worth it and I will never have any regrets. You can never get back the precious first few years of having a young child and I enjoyed every minute that I stayed at home. You can always pick up a career and move to a larger house later.

They can but there is no guarantee they will share well and it won't impact on their sleep. Mine woke each other up all the time.

And they can't cross that bridge when it comes to it if they have no money

I would work. Ending up as a single parent I was super grateful to have a good income; just look at the threads on here on the relationship board. Of course I'm not suggesting your marriage is at risk but with around half of marriages ending in divorce, having the financial means to support yourself is important.

I wouldn't rush to the larger house either. Keeping fixed costs low and building up savings gives you good options as a family later down the line. I had two young teens (same sex) in a two bed flat before moving. We lived happily.