Sophie Ellis-Bextor concert. Ugh

[IOnlyWantSexMoneyPowerAndRevenge]

Saw her last week. Good fun. I missed the opportunity to wear my glittery Christmas dress though.

We all know she has legs that go on for days and likes to show them off (so would I if I had them!). At various points during the show she had to bend over (dropped something and so on). Every single time, at least one man wolf whistled. One man started and then others thought it was OK to join in.

I mean, really? They weren't sat near me or I would have said something. It pissed me right off. We were there to sing and dance to a bit of disco and grotty men insist on making their thoughts knoen about how attractive she is. As if anyone cares.

Most of the audience were 50+ which somehow made it even more grim.

Yuk just yuk.

Yeah because it's totally THE SAME. Have a fucking think will you.

It is disgusting OP but it looks like the men will be men brigade have already arrived 🙄

Eww, that is grim.

Would it be OK if it was a female singer and male fan? Well first off she'd be called all sorts of names for having a random person on stage for a slow dance. Then if she complained about a grope, she'd be told it was her fault but if she didnt complain she'd be called names (by men and sadly women) for "letting / encouraging" men to touch her and she'd be considered "free game". I think RW squeezes the woman's breast in response to her squeezing his bum? If the female singer touched the man's crotch in response to him squeezing her bum, again, she'd be called names. The event would follow/tarnish her career (like Myley Curus twerking). So basically, a female singer would be dawned if she did and dawned if she didnt.

Whoever said about the act being able to get help if they felt in danger, it isnt necessarily about feeling in danger. Its more insidious and subtle. Its about intimidation and power.

Blatant sexual harassment is diabolical. The trouble is nowadays it appears if a man so much as looks, or dare I say it winks at a female they're accused of sexual harassment. Sexual predators have no place in a civil society. This doesnt mean we should wish for all men to turn into eunuchs.

I agree.

I can remember a woman making a thread about a boy at college telling her same age Daughter that she was pretty. She was fuming.

That’s bullshit. A look or glance are fine. Staring, leering etc isn’t. I don’t want to be winked at, I don’t know any woman that would. Some men seem to think it’s a great flirting technique but I think they just come across as creepy and a bit dim.

It’s all about context though isn’t it?
If my boss or any male colleague was to wink at me then that would be inappropriate and unwelcome.

On threads like this you always get people who say ‘you can’t do or say anything nowadays’ or something similar. That’s just ridiculous, and absolutely not true.
It’s about exercising your judgment, reading a situation, understanding context…
People can have fun and respectful interactions without resorting to inappropriate behaviour.

If you can’t manage an interaction respectfully, then the issue lies with you not the people calling out inappropriate behaviour.

Madness

It's all subjective. What one woman finds inappropriate, another woman might find acceptable within her personal boundaries. The post from puzzledpartridge highlighting a previous post from a woman who was furious about a boy the same age as her daughter telling her she was pretty is my idea of 'bullshit'

The issue is that these creepy men behave how they want without knowing the woman well enough to know how it will be received by her. If they don’t know for sure a woman will be ok with it, then they shouldn’t be doing it, whether that’s whistling, winking, commenting certain things etc.

So every boy/man who has chatted a girl/woman up is a creep?

That’s not what’s being said.
What is being suggested is that instead of going straight for the wolf whistle/wink/comment about physical appearance try a conversation. Spend some time reading the room and understanding whether the above is appropriate or would be appreciated.

Chatting someone up doesn’t have to involve sexual comments or behaviour.

An interesting observation…
I’m bisexual and have been ‘chatted up’ by both men and women.
Interestingly, women manage to do this without wolf whistling/leering/winking/making sexual comments.

Telling someone they are pretty is hardly overstepping the line. I used to get told I had nice eyes by people I'd just met. It's not something that bothered me. I mean if they had commented on my breasts sooner than 10 minutes I might have been shocked.

'She can wear exactly what she wants, but she was also fully aware of the fact that wearing a very short skirt and bending over would illicit the exact reaction she was looking for and encouraging!'

@Lanzarotelady Have you had your brain removed, love?

Maybe the shit for brains men will pick you! Or maybe you are a shit for brains man.

I agree that comment doesn’t seem problematic but none of us know the context.
However, this is a wider discussion and one in which some people are claiming men can’t say anything anymore. Which is rubbish!

Honestly my first thought was - were they gay men?

Man says "You look pretty in that dress" gives you a smile, then continues on his way
Vs
Man says "You are so pretty", stares intently at you and expects some interaction / you to do something

Two very different experiences.

Well if he walks off straight away and she likes him then it's pretty pointless. That's how people used to get together before the Internet. Meet at college, in bars, at parties etc.

I’m in my mid 40’s. I’m well aware of how people used to meet. Those interactions can still be respectful.

As a straight women and not a member of the skirt club I don't think a man complimenting a woman is disrespectful if it's done tasteful.

As for the wolf whistling at SEB concert. I think it was probably gay men. If it wasn't, it probably offended OP more than SEB. Not because she was asking for it but she just probably care.

Where did I say a man complimenting a woman is disrespectful?

People are saying that man can’t even talk to women now. I’m saying that’s not true, just be respectful!

Imo wolf whistling isn’t respectful and it matter who is doing it and who it’s aimed at.

What? Thats not what I said at all.

I’ve been ‘chatted up’ hundreds of times and it’s fine. Attraction is normal and it’s often how relationships start. As long as they’re respectful and take no for an answer, then it’s fine. I met my partner in a bar. We talked to each other. He didn’t randomly whistle, wink and make sexual comments to me because he’s not a creep. You can be flirty without being creepy. As a pp said, you spend a bit of time reading the room.

What the f*ck is the ‘skirt club?!

You could Google it…

But it’s a community for bisexual and bi-curious women where they can explore their sexuality with other likeminded women.