DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

Read the full thread next time maybe. The comment you originally left was awful

Well, probably because the OP is an oppressed, abused vulnerable woman who wasn’t quite ready to face her reality at the start of the thread

What country are you from? Because you aren’t from Germany either. Was this an arranged marriage? Is there anyone you can talk too about the abuse. You aren’t safe. He could kill you.

If someone posts something asking for a response then they should expect responses to that and realise that not everyone is going to read 42 pages of updates and comments. Telling someone to fuck off because they commented on the original post and information in that is uncalled for.

Oh wow, just came back and this went in a wildly different direction.

im sorry OP, but phone calls or food or whatever isn’t actually important. He hurts you so he needs to go. Moving back to Germany is okay and it would almost certainly be safer than staying in this country anyway. You say there are cultural issues at play and I appreciate that, but physical violence only escalates and you are in danger. Please, please reach out to an organisation or a person who can help you. There are people who help victims from any background.

Ok all the phone interupting which in fairness is annoying and the ordering food stuff is neither here not there now after your updates! He hits you so end of story you must leave! Do not have children, can you ensure you are on birth control in case it does happen? Make plans to leave, there is nothing good in your future with this man visa or no visa.

Oh, sister?. 🤦‍♀️ Can you hear yourself?
Get away from your dh before you are completely ground down to nothing.

I just read through the thread. I'm speechless and so so sorry. What a complete piece of shit he is. I hope you can access some help beyond venting here.

This poor woman is in an abusive relationship. She most likely doesn’t realise she is “drip feeding” and most likely doesn’t realise the severity of the abuse she’s experiencing.

You do not deserve to be abused. No-one does.

Your husband is a gaslighting, manipulative bully. I was horrified to read your update to say that he hits you. This is not a normal and functional relationship.

You really need to leave him.

PP weren't being nasty and horrid, they were answering OP's original AIBU.

I'm from Pakistan. I've had my higher education from the UK though. I got my Bachelor's and my Master's from here and went to Germany for my PhD.

Op, have a coil fitted. Do not get pregnant. How long do you need to be here? You need to leave him.

It was very clear in the first post op is being controlled. Being forced to eat when she’s lost her appetite then told they’d have a fight at home? That was not even the first clue!!

Please contact Women's Aid. They can give you advice and signpost you to the relevant agencies to help with your particular situation. You don't have to stay with him, you can seek refuge from domestic violence. Please call Women's Aid when you can do so safely 🙏

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Oh, for goodness sake. Just click on See All in the OP and you will just see all the OP's posts.

Just wanted to highlight this for you in case you missed it. You don't have to stay with him!

The thing that really stuck out to me in your first post was that his mother laughed at you after her son had belittled you in front of everyone, that says a lot about the family dynamics. I think you need to speak to women’s aid & get some support. I would start to get your ducks in a row. He wants you to be fat & controllable. You don’t have to go to a gym just go for a walk if you cannot get to the gym. Is there an age difference? This isn’t about you interrupting a telephone call, which if family on the phone & making arrangements for family outing is fine. Think interrupting work calls are another matter unless your are organising his diary. Once you start to take back control of your life you might find he is not happy & his family may join in. You can do the freedom programme online might be helpful. Have you friends might be good to reach out to people IRL.

Oh my love, you do NOT DESERVE THIS. Nobody deserves this!!! It sounds very much like he's made you feel this way through comments and nastiness and abuse. Someone posted a link re indefinite leave to remain if being abused on spousal visa please check it out. Practical barriers can be tackled. But this...you saying this re yourself...that is harder so please please listen to everyone here saying you deserve better because you do!!! Also, there are better men out there but also, being ALONE is better than being with an abuser!!!

Fine. But you don’t need to jump on me and tell me I’m being horrible and patronising because I hadn’t read 42 pages of updates.

Evening, all. Please do read OP's updates before replying as she gives more context in her replies. Thanks.

No, it isn’t. Because there’s a perfectly easy function called “see next” and “see all” on the OP, so you can perfectly easily read all the OP’s posts before commenting.

If you don’t bother with that you’re just being self important. And yes, I’m going to tell those people to fuck off.

Because buried in their stupidity is a woman who is being abused and she can’t see it herself and keeps getting sidetracked by answering those fools.

I’d really suggest you leave him, go back to Germany and make new life plans from there. You are well educated and will find your way

Thanks, but you need something at the top of the thread to catch all the idiots who apparently can’t read beyond the OP.