DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

If you're not going to bother reading all OP's posts, then don't bother posting - it's that simple!
Especially a thread like this.
Other posters are absolutely right to call you on it.

I think YABU. My DH does this too and interrupts me on the phone and it's annoying. If I want to include him in the conversation I'll deliberately go to him and put the phone on speaker.

Honestly, @Zeemie22, he sounds abusive. He is financially controlling, belittles you and treats you like a child.

Imagine your best friend tells you her partner is doing even half of the things he does to you - what would you tell her? Would you tell her she deserves to be treated with respect, and not abused? I know I would.

You deserve so, SO much better than this!

I think you have focussed on the wrong thing.
yes you are annoying for interrupting his calls.

however, he sounds very abusive and controlling.

you mention your mum, can you leave and stay with her ?
im sorry you are going through this and got a pile on earlier but that’s because you didn’t give the full story.

Is your husband from Pakistan too?

It might be worth stating a new thread on the South Asian MNers board, you
might get some more pertinent support there.

She didn’t say a set meal had been ordered. She said she wanted to order a dish and he wouldn’t let her. So yes, controlling.

You're smart. You know what to do. Run away to somewhere he doesn't know about. In addition to Women's Aid, there are culturally appropriate organisations like Kiran Support Services that can help

https://www.kiranss.org.uk/

I think you do this too often which is why he has to “tell you off”, you obviously don’t realise the amount of time you do it. It is rude regardless of who he is on the phone to, to interrupt, it’s not a in person conversation, it’s a 1-1 call. If he asked for your input, then fine otherwise it is annoying.
I have a sil who does this, my dh will be talking to his brother and she has the need to butt in, my dh gets irritated as he feels like he’s not talking to her so why can’t she allow his brother to have a conversation in peace. She also has a habit of making everything about her, we all notice it and get annoyed

you were also unreasonable to then make a scene to not eat, if you were embarrassed by mil laughing surely it’s just as embarrassing having a public fight with ur dh in a restaurant

Put this at the top so the sanctimonious posts can stop.

He’s punching her in the face. So a lot worse than this.

You don’t need to read 42 pages of anything! All you need to read are the OP’s posts. It’s really not hard

You accused the OP of being really young and writing like a teenager when in her first sentence she stated she was 36. You admitted you read her first post so why did you not believe she was 36?

That was rude.

That was patronising.

Along with your other comments.

You don’t need to read 42 pages of posts to read the OP’s updates.

We don't need to read you saying this repeatedly either.

read all of @Zeemie22 @KimMumsnet updates.

Is your point still valid? smh

eta; @MrsSunshine2b

@Ddakji - you are absolutely right - I did see that comment but forgot to include it, and I’m sorry for that.

Let the man have a personal phone call in peace, why do you need to involve yourself.

Well, apparently we do. Because posters are still failing to read all the OP’s posts before sharing their stupidity with the group.

Especially on a thread like this???? That’s the whole point, it wasn’t a thread like this until later on. I put my hands up right at the start and said I had commented based on reading the first post only. Lots of people do it all over Mumsnet and while it absolutely might warrant an ‘FYI things have moved on’, I don’t think it deserves being told to go fuck myself…

I'm afraid I'm going to end up alone and I won't find anyone else decent. I've been so busy with my education and holding part time jobs to support myself through it that I haven't been able to make many friends. I've also moved quite a lot these past 7 years and lost whatever friends I had - I was on a mobility program and that meant I had to rotate every few months between three different labs in two different countries for my degree.

Sorry I've RTFT now and YANBU.

You need to plan an exit before he seriously hurts you.

@KimMumsnet they’re still piling on - please can you edit the thread title or something?

Of course you haven’t read me say this repeatedly because I’ve only said it once! Do you have any constructive advice to offer to the OP?

I'm afraid I'm going to end up alone and I won't find anyone else decent

He hits you! He's clearly not decent.

That other poster was right about the sanctimony… We get it, you would never dream of answering an OP without reading every single comment first. Well done you. Bravo. Take a bow.

I honestly am OK with feedback - it's helpful to see different perspectives and I'm not here to get sympathy, I just want to know what others think and I don't mind criticism, it's a chance for me to balance my own perspective. I appreciate you thinking of me xx