DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

Please don't report me, this thread is helpful for me

I was on his side totally about interrupting him on calls especially work calls, until you couldn’t choose your own food in restaurants and your updates just got so much worse.
can I ask please, are you not of British culture?
either way, you need to leave. Don’t have children with this man…. They won’t be yours… they will be his and his mothers.

Sorry but I think it's far far ruder of you to interrupt your husband when he's on the phone that it is for him to tell you off for doing so! Unless it was a dire emergency, I would never consider interrupting anyone during a phone call, and if anyone talks to me when I'm on the phone, I generally ignore them.

Oh my FUCKING god!!! READ RHE FUCKING THREAD.

Putting the phone calls pile on to one side. If my husband spoke to me like that in a restaurant I'd have got up, went home and told him to stay at his parents that night. I'd have the row with a few swears thrown in.

When it is safe to do so contact women’s aid and make a plan to leave. You cannot stay it’s not safe. Also make sure you delete all history online of this thread and anything else. Make a plan pack the basics only and just walk out and never look back. I’ve been there x

Can @mnhq do something like lock the comments or pin something to the top of the thread so we stop getting these IDIOTS posting?

It was obvious from OP’s initial post that her DH is a nasty bully but this is AIBU where posters are too busy racing to the bottom to stick the boot in.

OP please make plans to leave this vile bully otherwise things will just get worse. You deserve much better.

@Growlybear83he hits her.

This was my question too.
I don't think is a standard British bastard here.

No I didn’t mean report you, don’t worry ❤

I meant report as in: a report notifies the Mumsnet HQ team so they are aware and can send you advice, support and links and so they can move the thread into a different area.

Your thread is currently on “AIBU” and threads in this area brings out all sorts of horrid people who won’t read your updates and they will just send unhelpful comments without knowing your full situation.

I hope this made sense x

Rule number 1 for any relationship; they use physical violence, you leave.

That's it.

All the phone stuff and food ordering stuff is irrelevant. He hits you; you divorce him.

There is no embarrassment for you to leave a man who physically assaults you, the shame is all his, and anyone who loves you and cares about you would tell you to leave and be proud of you if you did.

That poster means to just move it to a more helpful board OP. Not report you for anything

Don’t worry op, this just means the post is brought to the attention of those in charge so they can help bring you helpful information (and weed out the dickheads who keep posting crap having not read the updates)

Its reported to help you, nothing more xx

I'm not, and I'm tied to him via a spouse VISA and leaving him would also mean leaving the UK which I don't want to at this point, unless I get a work VISA which I might be able to, I've only just arrived here three weeks ago and I was living in Germany for the most part of these last 7 years. It's mostly been a long distance marriage but whenever he'd visit there was at least one incidence of abuse per every other time he'd visit. I've been more or less single these last 7 years.

Also the good times with him are good, but the bad ones are really really bad.

He hits you? Christ. You need a plan to get rid of him OP.

So sorry OP, I didn't see your update while I was typing.

Go back to Germany. Tomorrow.

You need to leave.
This is an abusive marriage. No nice man does this to his wife.

It is not embarrassing or shameful to leave an abusive bully.

Hopefully other posters will be able to flag some organisations who can help you.

YABU to interrupt him when he is on the phone.

He IBU to not let you order what you want at a restaurant.

You both sound difficult to live with.

Can you give some more info so people can better help or point you in the right direction?

Only if you feel you can.

So he’s British? And you are not? But you’re not German either, have understood that correctly?

Can you get to your family? Would there be an issue with them if you left your husband?

Sorry, but are you very young? You’re post is coming across as something a teenager might write. Is this husband or father?

Now I’m sure it’s not nice being told off in public, but if you know that interrupting him when he’s on the phone irritates him (it would irritate most people) then why do you keep doing it?

And why are you asking his permission to order something on a menu? From the sound of it you’d already ordered and then changed your mind and decided you wanted something else. Again, perhaps he was too harsh, but again this is the sort of conversation I’d expect to be happening with a slightly ditzy teenager and not my spouse.

Perhaps his responses were over the top, but equally they sound rather like he’s reacting to you being incredibly irritating and rather childish.

Please read the OP's updates. He is an abusive bully who hits her.

post removed by poster. Just read the bit about being hit. OP leave.

Read
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