DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

It's "lazy" to not keep checking for updates on a mumsnet thread on a weekday morning? Who made you judge and jury?

Reported it because you don't agree with an opinion different to yours? Yeah...mumsnet won't remove it, that's not how it works 🤣

I've changed my BU to NBU after reading your updates .

I wish you'd made your thread about what's really happening as people are still commenting on your first post which isn't really relevant . They really should RTFT .

May I ask, how old are you @Zeemie22 ?
You are clever, hardworking and determined and brighter days lie ahead of you. Sounds like his family are complicit in your subjugation.

Just make very sure you don’t get pregnant in the next 12 months

Op you have been brave posting here. Now you need to find the bravery to leave him. You are clever and educated. Start looking at rooms to rent in Bristol today. Stay with other students. Your new life can start now. You deserve it.

Ermmmm no... have you read the thread?

Or you could read the post that MN pinned right under the op to tell posters to read the OP's updates.
But you just keep digging.... and behaving like a dick, attacking people who are trying to tell you that your post is inappropriate. 🙄

MN really should ban people who can't be bothered to read the thread, and then talk shit when called on it.

MuscleWoman, he regularly hits her in the face.

Make sure your contraception is bullet proof and plan for your escape. Also make sure you change your logins so he can't find this thread. Plan your exit and stay safe OP.

Yes, it’s lazy. And self important. It’s not hard to click on “see all” before posting.

I wish you all the luck in the world OP. You sound awesome. Don’t let fear define your life. Get away as soon as you can.

Exactly this!

I see that there are still people not bothering with the "see all" function to at read OP's posts! 😠

If they weren't too stupid to bother with that then most of them would surely see that this thread is about serious domestic abuse.

I absolutely agree with the person who said that not at least reading all of the OP's updates before giving a mean and probably irrelevant response is just sheer laziness. It's actually very important on a thread such as this, both to give the right advice and support and also not to look like a complete dick.

It's very easy to do using the "see all" button at the end of OP's posts.

Your post was deleted.

Oh look, Mumsnet removed it.

It doesn't make it harder to understand- abusers come in all guises and women being abused come from all backgrounds too.

OP you must get out, and definitely don't get pregnant with this abusive piece of shit.

As you don't have a mortgage together that makes it even easier to leave/get out.

Please take steps to leave safely.

You're wasting your time standing up to him - his opinion that women are secondary to men and are to be controlled, is not going to change.

All you can do is leave? The alternative is staying where he will grind you down and children will be brought up by an abusive man.

Well, thankfully they have deleted it (and I did see it first).

Not at least reading all of OPs updates IS very lazy, as others have now also said. You need to do that in order to make relevant responses, not just stick the boot in to a woman who is experiencing serious domestic abuse.

At the restaurant you don't need to ask his permission to order what you want, he's not your parent and you are not a child. Just order what you want to eat. If he spoke to you like that and humiliated you you should have just got up and walked out and got a taxi home. Don't interupt business calls ever.

You bothered to post all this irrelevance without even a glance at the thread or the posts?

Go for it!

But please stay safe and come back to MN whenever you need advice or support

OFFS

He’d probably hit her on the face again when they got home, as per her many subsequent updates.

(Use the ‘See All’ function.)

Has her behaviour made him like this? Seriously? You’re one of those people who think a woman makes a man hit her, makes him belittle her? Oh naughty OP how dare she make this man hit and abuse her, she really must try harder to not make him do those things, right?

I honestly think MNHQ may need to edit the OP’s thread title in capital letters to include her update ‘HE HITS ME IN THE FACE’.

Is there a cultural difference in your marriage? I just can't imagine someone telling me I couldn't order some food in a restaurant.

The phone call sounds annoying but him making arrangements that don't suit you sounds annoying as well.