DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

What university is this OP? Most universities will continue to sponsor an international PhD student during their writing up year. You do need to seek immigration advice as well as advice on leaving your abusive husband.

Have you considered contacting https://southallblacksisters.org.uk/our-services/ for advice and support?

I agree he doesn't seem to have a great attitude towards you know he doesn't like being interrupted when he's on the phone so why keep doing it? He ignored you twice so you kept going.

I don't like the sound of how he spoke to you at lunch.

I do get where you're coming from as my DH is like this. He walks around the house with his phone as if it's super private even if it's his mum but I don't like him interrupting if I'm talking to my mum either.

You both need to find a way to communicate better.

I've read all the OP's posts and just want to wish her good luck in leaving this abusive man. Stand firm OP and stick to your plan to get away.

So you think that the physical domestic violence that she is experiencing, being hit in the face regularly, is something that she 'kinda' brought on herself?

What a mind blowingly amazing woman. I admire you so much OP. Get away, you are worth a million of this utter bastard.

Thank you for this timely reminder and a massive thank you for pinning it at the top of the thread!

I hope this becomes a regular new feature from MNHQ to thwart the posters who can’t be bothered to read past the opening post on threads (or who inexplicably refuse to use the easy ‘Read All’ function) and flail about with their irrelevant opinions long after the OP’s story has moved on very significantly.

You are intelligent capable and have the ability to be independent

men who hit their wives regularly can lead to worse

please leave
there us a loving kind man out there who will do none of these abusive things
please reach out to charities and support

This is so sad OP, you absolutely deserve so much better. Do not have kids with him. If he can hit you in the face then he'd do it to them too. Horrible man!

You're a dick.
I've reported your post.

Even better if it was pinned above the OP. A lot of people still seem to be missing that things have moved on despite the thread being several hundred posts long. And despite the gallery of images to gov.uk and others. Which you would think most halfway intelligent people would work out wasn't because of interrupting phone calls.

Leave him. Happiness is calling you - and its not with this man. Good luck op.

This is such a pivotal moment for you. If you stay strong and make a plan you could be out of this and starting a new life. And the fear of change and fear of embarrassment will be worth the excitement of what could be round the corner for you (even if it’s nervous excitement). Fill your life with friends, find a new love, have kids (or don’t). It’s all just waiting for you if you can do the thing that’s hard right now and get out of it. No family (yours or his) and no friends should be able to make you doubt yourself and end up staying.
Like a pp said you are a whole package. Smart, capable and totally able to life a happy independent life. So I hope you just really hold on to all of the positive replies as you make your next move. Remember how amazing you are and what you deserve and before you know it you’ll be on the other side. Best of luck, you got this.

Read all of her posts. This thread is not about communication or phone calls. It is a about a violent and abusive controller.

Sorry just came in to this, "I have to ask him to send some money to my Mum?" WTF

OP i just want to point out that the votes and some of these replies are ONLY based on "is it annoying being interrupted on the phone"... and yes some people do find it annoying to be interrupted on the phone, but this in NO WAY is causing the way he treats you, you are NOT to blame for ANY of this. None. So please please please ignore any of those posts, they didn't know the full story when they posted.

I hope you can stay safe, and get out. You will be so much better off, safer, happier, more confident, and be able to be the real you again.

I feel some posters are just desperate to stick the boot in, so no matter where MN stick the notices they would just ignore it. I voted YANBU based off the first post when the thread began , but I can understand why some would’ve voted YABU at that stage. To continue to think she is BU now and writing harsh comments is just inexcusable.

Bloody hell. Ive just left my partner of 10 years and father of son because he shouted at me essentially! You really need to leave this one asap xx

I have a phd and also have an ex husband who took everything from me. His quote was ‘you turn your wife into what you want and then you don’t want her anymore’. I’m appalled by the police. In a fair society this man would be in prison. You are so clever and resilient. Leave him and you will flourish n have an amazing life. But prepare carefully - imagine he is a bear that you have to back away quietly from - that’s the strategy you need. Only 12 months to go!!!!!

OPs original post screams controlling abusive husband. The pin directly after if is confusing and led me to believe she is the one in the wrong. IMO

Why are you posting about lunches and phone calls when he is being emotionally and physically abusive to you?

Why are you posting at all?

Please, please leave. It doesn’t matter where you go just pack your important things and get the fuck out. File for divorce and alert the police of everything.

You won’t regret it.

OP, he sounds awful and I hope you find a way out.

@Eldermileniummam
Does your DH also hit you?

FFS RTFT