My three year old boy causing havoc at preschool

[littleboy]

He’s not listening at circle time, disruptive during any lessons or activities where he just needs to sit and listen. He laughs at the teachers and just continues the behaviour.

they remove him if he’s too disruptive and ignoring them.

at home, he has a fair amount of tantrums and doesn’t listen particularly well. We use consequences like taking toys away, taking him out of the situation. We use a reward star jar for good behaviour and praise good behaviour as much as possible, rather than always focusing in on bad behaviour.

I deflect a lot, give options and pre-empt situations as to avoid fall outs / confrontations. I find that if I’m too confrontational with him, it just ends badly and he acts up even more. It’s almost as if he wants to go against what you want him to do, so it’s best to not use too many words sometimes and just get him to do it.

anyway, he’s definitely a hand full ! He turned 3 recently and is quite a clever little boy in many ways, but he does have days where he’s pretty unbearable and has a lot of tantrums. Clearly at preschool it’s also a strain on the teachers. Unless he’s fully engaged, he becomes disruptive.

any advice ?

ADHD?

What a desperately unhelpful comment

the OP knows it’s disruptive. That’s why she’s here

@dovess,well, there’s clearly ‘ something wrong ‘ with you.

Do you think ? Isn’t he a bit young ? Are those classic symptoms ?

Hopefully he has better manners than you!

Why are they doing lessons at 3? Pre-school at that age should be free play, with story time to start building in more concentration.

What the actual fuck? There’s clearly something wrong with you to speak like that about a child

It's difficult to say. He's very young. What have preschool said? Do they suspect any additional needs?

Tbh 3 does sound very young to expect them to sit and focus. Even the most mature and calm kids would struggle.

Clearly not or there wouldn’t be such terrible issues with him both at home and at preschool. Perhaps an assessment of some sort is in order.

Not really my ds was put on the assessment pathway by the school nursery. In the more severe cases it stands out very early

Sounds like my two eldest who turned out to be autistic and ADHD. I’d look at being referred to CAMHS.

Ask GP or HV for a referral to get his hearing tested if it hasn't been. I thought my son's heading was fine at that age but he actually had glue ear and mild-moderate hearing loss (we tested because his speech was delayed).

If his hearing is fine you could speak to the GP about his behaviour and development in general and see if they will refer you to the paediatrician.

No one's going to diagnose ADHD at 3 so that's not helpful now. And it's not clear from the original post if neurodivergence is a possibility or he's just very 3.

OP, it sounds like your strategies work - can you share them with nursery? In particular, not using too many words is great advice.

It also struck me that you say he's disruptive when he's not engaged. Do you think he's bored at nursery?

In any case, ABC charts to map triggers for disruptive behaviour and which responses help bring him down will give you all more information.

He does sound more defiant than most three year olds I’ve met.

The laughing at the teachers when they try and correct him doesn’t sound great either. Normally I’d expect them to do as told, sulk or tantrum. Not laugh at then continue.

also look up PDA as it sounds as if he could be displaying signs of that. It requires a whole different approach to parenting. Reward systems tend not to work. There’s a good book ‘my child’s not naughty’ that covers PDA.

Terrible issues??? He's 3 fgs. He's not running around with knives attacking people.

Is it a very structured nursery if sitting down at circle time is essential or ‘lessons’? It sounds like he’s struggling with their expectations and perhaps then struggling at home after having this kind of pressure…? It’s hard to tell without knowing the setting, but a more child led and outdoorsy nursery might suit him better.

He does sound like he’s being rather cheeky to the staff though. How do you parent that kind of behaviour at home, if he’s laughed at and not corrected he could be very confused.

I am reluctant to jump on the ASD or SEN boat yet, as he’s 3 years old and a lot can be due to environmental factors.
But it may be worth talking to a HV. You can certainly spend some time meeting with his key person to make sure you’re on the same page with expectations and boundaries.

They haven’t said so at this time.

he moved to preschool after Easter.

his last nursery had some issues with his behaviour and after looking into it in more detail and doing some observations, they said he was very intelligent and needed more stimulation. They then made sure he was always busy and somehow worked out a way for him to be fine and I had no further reports about any disruptive behaviour.

the new preschool have all this information and agree that he’s fine when he’s doing stuff but struggles to sit and listen in circle time and that kind of situation.

I guess I’ll wait and see how it goes for the rest of the term and then perhaps speak to school to see if they think it’s something like adhd.

There's a difference between a 3 year old child not behaving appropriately and an adult making at best insensitive comments at worst nasty abalist comments like you have

Lessons? Isn’t he a little young for that?

How about changing the pre-school to a more of an outdoorsy/Forest School type? Might use up his energy or capture his imagination more.

It might be too structured for him at the moment, I agree.

When was he 3 and how much of the day is he expected to sit and listen for?

This preschool may not be a good fit. Also he's only been there a month