AIBU - partner watching CCTV

[teenagersandalittleone]

Backstory - I have 2 teens from previous relationship - 17&14 - neither have time for my partner and we have a 5 year old together.

my partner has previously watched the CCTV of me having a conversation with my son in our garden and said it was evidence I lied to him. This was done without my permission but did prove I lied to him. For context, we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family. Asked him never to do this again.

roll on last night, he watched the cctv from the garden from Sunday night as he said he wanted to check something my 14 year old had done to see if he moved something - he put a taped square on a wall that he uses to throw a rugby ball to as a target. He then uses this to have a loaded conversation with my 14 year old and me that he has moved the target without asking and if he misses will break something. Again, this was watched without permission or asking.

I realises this sounds ridiculous but am I right in thinking that watching cctv without our permission or is being aware is wrong. I have had to tell my kids that they cannot have conversations in the garden as I don’t know if he will listen in. He says that this is because he cannot trust but it seems controlling and he’s setting us all up to fail.

Please leave him. Your poor boys will end up hating you for staying with the man they don't like. They don't 'have time for him' with good reason. I promise that you and your kids will be much happier without him and if you will struggle financially, there's help out there.

Well, if your fanny is more important to you than your children are, what can anyone do?

Sorry, OP, but your priority is clear and it's not your children, whom you have not protected against this abusive man. 'Walking on eggshells' isn't the right way to live.

Please prioritise your children. He is controlling and coercive - Living in this type of household is emotionally abusive to you and your children. Teens need to feel loved, safe and secure and free to live happily which will not always be perfectly without judgement. You can see this is not happening, also evidence shows the controlling behaviours once started are only likely to escalate.

WTF. This is not normal behaviour.

I never understand everyones fixation with these devices anyhow. Bloody ring doorbells everywhere. Home CCTV etc. Why do we want to record everything. The police hardly ever catch anyone because of them and we are just killing all our privacy imo.

Anyhow, your partner is batshit. You are sharing a home together, sharing your family time together and he is being completely unreasonable. If it were me the cctv would be gone. Not tomorrow, not later, i would go out and rip the fucking thing out. Cut the wires and remove it. I dont know any situation where it is justified for members of a family unit to worry about having a private conversation.

This is creepy behaviour akin to something you find in films. Be careful but do not allow this man to control you in this way.

No they don’t but they CAN withdraw consent. In that case footage cannot be shared, even home videos.

Horrifying. Really sorry, OP.

My MIL is like this. She will call you and then watch you on the (many) cameras around the house/garden to see if you're going to pick up the phone. She needs to get a life. So weird.

You poor poor children, having to live this life of being constantly watched Avas not feeling safe or secure in their own home. You can’t possibly carry on like this, surely you know you need to get rid of him?

That's interesting. How old do they need to be before they are old enough to withdraw consent? Is that the same age as when people are judged old enough to give consent? And shared with who? If DH was watching it, he wasn't actually sharing it. I'm not condoning his behaviour at all. I'm just curious as to how the law would work here. (Obviously, this thread really has nothing to do with what's legal or not. What he's doing is controlling, unreasonable and plain wrong.)

According to the ICO website, it’s 13 and above.

Please leave him. He sounds fucking awful.

Your poor children. He sounds horrific.