AIBU - partner watching CCTV

[teenagersandalittleone]

Backstory - I have 2 teens from previous relationship - 17&14 - neither have time for my partner and we have a 5 year old together.

my partner has previously watched the CCTV of me having a conversation with my son in our garden and said it was evidence I lied to him. This was done without my permission but did prove I lied to him. For context, we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family. Asked him never to do this again.

roll on last night, he watched the cctv from the garden from Sunday night as he said he wanted to check something my 14 year old had done to see if he moved something - he put a taped square on a wall that he uses to throw a rugby ball to as a target. He then uses this to have a loaded conversation with my 14 year old and me that he has moved the target without asking and if he misses will break something. Again, this was watched without permission or asking.

I realises this sounds ridiculous but am I right in thinking that watching cctv without our permission or is being aware is wrong. I have had to tell my kids that they cannot have conversations in the garden as I don’t know if he will listen in. He says that this is because he cannot trust but it seems controlling and he’s setting us all up to fail.

My husband wanted to put 2 cctv cameras in our back garden with full sound recording. I went mental and he sent them back to Amazon. I’m only just happy with the ring doorbell (which he watches every single day every conversation I have). Anxious people are often controlling but you do need to have limits!!!

am I right in thinking that watching cctv without our permission or is being aware is wrong

You are fully aware of the answer to this

100% this. Your poor kids.

Christ I don't think I would allow my children to live in such an Orwellian home, where big brother is always watching them. They need to have some bloody privacy, they're teens.

Quite frankly if I was the other parent I'd go ballistic. I hope someone is advocating for them. Xx

You know what you need to do OP.

@CautiousLurker01 I don't think minors need to give consent to be recorded in their own home! If that was the case, nearly all home videos etc would be illegal.

YABVU to have your children in this situation

I have 2 teens from previous relationship - 17&14 - neither have time for my partner

I'm not surprised your teens don't like your partner if he monitors people's conversations in the garden and plays weird mind games where he tries to trap people into lying about moving a rugby target.

Your partner sounds like an absolute nutjob and he absolutely is controlling, paranoid and strange.

Your poor kids. Stop inflicting this awful man on them and on yourself.

Jesus, OP, leave him. You and all the children are terrified of doing anything that will upset him and he spies on you all to try and catch you out. It's irrelevant whether you lied or not or whether one of the kids moved something in the garden. Your partner's behaviour is not normal; nor is it safe for you and your children to be in this situation.

Maybe she's lying out of fear? I was in a relationship with a controlling man; I was frightened of setting him off, I minimised things to protect myself. He accused me of lying all the time, I second guessed myself constantly. You get used to living like that, it becomes normal.

You're living with a man you're all terrified of? Why? Read your own post and look with new eyes.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Your children are "terrified" of a man you brought to live in their house.

He’s abusive. He’s abusive to you and your children.
please quietly look to leave him for all your safety’s.

Get him away from those kids. Why the hell are you with him when he's putting yous all on eggshells?

Op what if he is perving over your kids on recordings? This is seriously awful. Please update

This is abuse. Leave him.

"We are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family.”

This is no way to live and is extremely damaging for children. You need to leave and get your poor kids away from this awful abusive man.

Fucking hell, get away from him. Why are you asking your CHILDREN to tiptoe around a man?? Put them first for fucks sake.

OMFG this is like living in a police state where no one knows where they are being listened in to or spied on!
No wonder your sons can't stand him. I couldn't live like this personally and even if you can, please consider your poor kids and how dysfunctional this situation is for them. This is absolutely not normal or acceptable behaviour. At the very least I'd be insisting on ditching the CCTV.

For context, we are all terrified of upsetting him as it Impacts the whole family.

You nor any of the children should be living in fear. The CCTV thing is controlling and you are all treading on eggshells. This is no way to live. His controlling behaviour has likely become normalised for you so you question yourself. But it really is not acceptable behaviour. You need to leave this man. You and your children deserve better. Is there someone you can talk to in real life about this? X

Oh my gosh, the concern here is not the cctv per se, this man sounds like a terrorist. Why on earth are you with him and allowing him to make your poor children miserable?!

They are your kids and you need to be putting them first, kick this man put immediately, he's got MAJOR issues.

Yep

maybe he posted on here and was told to trust his gut and check if you were lying to him

what did you lie about?

Your children have no time for your partner. Why on earth are you tolerating him instead of listening to them?

I’m afraid I couldn’t be with a partner who was like this to my children.
it’s controlling and out of order that no one can have a conversation without fear of being listened into.
you need to start putting your children first fgs!
this will be damaging to them all