Dh going to uni aged 58 - worried about money!

[Meowsmol]

Dh had to stop working 3 years ago due to a disability, FND. He was high up in IT but can't do it as his hands don't work properly anymore.
He now wants to do a psychology degree looking at neurodiversity. he's thinking about some sort of business/ coaching thing.
He called me today to tell me he's been accepted onto the course and they'll help him with student finance.
We have 2 children 1 in last year of college in sept so looking at 2026 uni. She wants to do forensics and biomedical science. So will need a fee loan and maintenance loan.
Ds is starting college in September for a level.
I'm the only one working. Dh gets pip. But I can't see how we can make this happen.
We rent and my dm has recently been diagnosed with dementia and df has mobility issues.
My brain is broken.

That sounds hard.

Do you earn enough to sustain a household on your own? I fear that’s the way you’re going :(

Anyone who can do a degree involving physical attendance at a HE institution can do a paying job of some sort.

A degree sounds like a luxury your household can’t afford right now. If he’s mad keen on education he can easily squash an OU degree into evening times especially with older kids on the cusp of leaving home, surely?? Unless he is sleeping for 18 hours a day or similar.

This leaves days free to either do a fair share running the house, do IT contract remote work, or some combination of those.

I still do not understand FND. Is it an accepted medical diagnosis? What practical and psychological barriers stand in the way of remunarative work?

I don't blame you. It must feel like you are carrying the weight of all the financial responsibility here.

I'd sit down with DH and run through an income and expenditure list and ask him how he plans to help support the household.

Or is he expecting to turn into a FT student like his kids and turn to mum for support?

Is it realistic for him to finish the course and set up a business at 62?

Does he get any income or can he draw on any personal pensions?

I'm not sure if I'd be able to support this flight of fancy. Maybe someone more noble will come along. I personally would struggle to support someone who's not worked for 3 years and now wants to do a degree. I'd worry his ego at a step down in role would mean he'd never work again.

I pay for everything have done for the last 3 years. I worry about the FND ( real thing neurological disease)
I also travel for up to 10 days a month for work. They are all fine. He actually walks the dogs twice a day. Does most of the cleaning. I do all the shopping cooking and laundry.
Really worry about helping dd at uni. According to the calculators I need to pay about £5k for her which I cannot afford.
I don't want to stop him but it's a vanity project.

FND can be a very individual diagnosis.

i have FND. In my case it is because I was in an accident that quite severely damaged my foot and the nerves were damaged as well as several bones being broken.

i have the FND diagnosis because sometimes I have motor control of the foot (ie I can move it) and sometimes I can’t.

op, this sounds like a tricky situation. It took me a long time and a lot of trial and error to work out what I could do and what wasn’t possible.

if he finds it hard to use his hands then a university degree is going to be tricky. He could use speech to text software to write essays and make notes but it will be a time consuming process.

has he done any other studying or work recently? Can you have a conversation about how realistic this is?

The FND is in his nerves so tremors. Also in his brain so seizures.
He's always done professional qualifications but doesn't have a degree. A couple of diplomas and IT qualifications.
He gets PIP which helps but no pension so even when he does retire he'll only get state pension. It's hard. My pension is only about 100k so far but I've got 20 years of work to go. And an inheritance .

He needs to really think his degree route through.Psychology degrees require a lot of specialisation and he needs to get some educational advice.
My son studied psychology from 18 and now aged 26, he has worked in a relevant field for 2 years while competing 4 pg certs so he didn't have to pay for a masters.
He's in the 3rd year of a PhD course now and hopes to lecture but it's been a long haul and I doubt if he could have done it in his late 50's.

It's very unlikely his degree will convert into a job in business coaching. Usually with psychology degree you need a further post graduate qualification. I did a psychology degree with the OU then went on to do a further two year study to become a social worker. Surely your DH could set up a coaching business based on his current skill set and experience if he has done professional exams?

It doesn't sound feasible for him to do the course. Do you feel able to have an honest discussion with him about it all?

Your children should be the priority with regards to providing financial support for uni. At his age, a degree is unlikely to be turned into a career unfortunately.

If he's thinking about being a coach/being self employed (which I actually think is feasible) he would be FAR better just starting marketing himself and learning on the job.

Build a website, look up how others are marketing themselves, if he's got good manners and customer service skills and rapport that counts for a lot more than the degree.

He needs to reply quickly to enquiries, be good at scheduling, etc. Learn to make people feel comfortable in Zoom calls, have a payment system set up.

There's free online learning from reputable providers (including top universities) which will give him more in-depth knowledge.

So if he wants to put Module X in Psychology from X University on his profile he can do that.

I got a fitness trainer style qualification some years ago. It was a total waste of money and time.

Absolutely no-one cared about the credentials, the course was essentially a Ponzi scheme....all the income I subsequently gained from classes was from my personality and free effort and sales skills, not the certificate. No-one cared.

I would have done a lot better just starting myself and learning from experience and building up a client base. The course sort of felt like a "safer" option but was just a marketing con.

I think he's disillusioned about the money he'll make from coaching. He's looking at a very specific subject and has he researched the demand for it. Are the people who need it willing and able to pay?

It's fine as a hobby/passion, but you'll be carrying this family forever at this rate.

As someone who did a full-time degree in my 50s, I can tell you now that I wasn't prepared for the amount of work and extra expense it entailed.

Also, the market is flooded with people with psychology degrees and the like.

I think he's being pretty selfish, to be honest. You've got more than enough on your plate at the moment; he doesn't need to add to your load.

Have you looked into student loans for your daughter? They don't need to be paid back until a certain amount of money is earned, and even then, it's just a small percentage of the amount over the threshold.

@PandorasMailboxshe knows about loans it seems the DD maintenance loan won’t be enough and you can’t just ask for more sadly. OP, if you can’t afford the extra £5k then DD will need to fund it by working. Most of us had to do that.

I would be amazed if your DH can deal with the stamina required for a degree if IT work is a challenge. It will involve typed course work etc. - can he physically manage that?

Your priority should be your kids’ education and ideally stabilising your housing situation if you’re in insecure rentals. This sounds like he’s on his own team of one which sounds very hard.

Best check out if he will still qualify for PIP if he is doing a full time degree- some of it might contradict the descriptors for PIP. For example if he says he needs aid for cooking but is writing.

Also with the proposed changes to PIP this might not be reliable income unfortunately, depending on what points he is scored already.

He might get attendance allowance as well as the state pension

Does your dd work now? If not she needs to start looking for a job over the summer to help with that 5k shortfall. It’s good for their CV anyway and then also try to get a part time job at uni or even take a gap year to save.
you need to have a sit down with her and your dh and say they both won’t be able to go to uni at the same time as it’s too much strain on the household. Might focus dh that he is being a tad selfish.
if he is on PIP he may well qualify for a disabled top up to the normal student grant which doesn’t have to be paid back so worth looking into that and he would also qualify for disabled student allowance which isn’t a cash payment but would fund extra help (say a note taker or transport to uni) if he needs that and there are normally university teams who help with this. This applies if he does open university as well.

You can train as an ADHD coach for around 3.5k.

Op, have a look at Rebel Finance School, it's for people who want to retire someday but need some help maximising finances. Totally free, not a sales thing in any way. I've done it and it's often mentioned on here.

If your husband is not currently working, you are already supporting the whole family.

Could he be working, albeit in a different field to the one he is qualified for? If he could be bringing money into the household and is choosing not to, this puts an unfair financial burden on you.

If he really can't work, is he actually capable of studying for a degree with a view to running a business later? If he can study locally and get financial help with the fees so that nothing comes out of your household budget, then perhaps it wouldn't make any difference to you financially given that he is already not working. But can you even get a student loan when you're already close to retirement age?

I think I’d sit him down with all the costs needed to be paid and just say ‘ how do we pay these love ‘ . Hopefully if he sees it’s impossible he’ll reconsider his studies to realise his children’s future is more important given they’re starting out in life and his job potential is very limited .

Your husband has a disability, bad enough to claim PIP. He feels he has the stamina to cope with a degree. Then in his sixties, start a new career. Will he be taking out student loans, which I assume he won’t be able to pay back? He could do youth mentoring etc, without a degree. I am sorry but he is being very selfish and leaving you to pick up the slack. However, he can access pensions, so maybe that is what he attends to do. That at least would help financially.

Assume he has problem typing if he gave up his job in IT due to his health? How will be do coursework? Can he dictate the words for example? I don’t blame him wanting to do something with his time, it must be hard being forced to give up your career. Speak to your DD now about uni contributions. If you can’t afford 5k a year to help then maybe she needs to take a career break and earn some money first. My son worked in the holidays in year 1 & 2 and earned 5k. That was full time from end of June to end of Sep (earned 3k in year 2 in internship, 8wks). So there are options.

He’s being completely ridiculous and burying his head in the sand about his financial situation. He’s also putting himself ahead of his child. Worse, he did this without consulting you , despite you being the earner. Personally I couldn’t tolerate this. If necessary, I’d split with him.

“He was high up in IT but can't do it as his hands don't work properly anymore.”

So how exactly does he think he can do a degree? If his hands don’t work properly, how will he do assignments and work on a computer? And if he can do this, why can’t he carry on with the IT? It certainly seems that he’s putting his own wants above the needs of his family. To be accepted onto a course is no guarantee of passing it - universities are businesses: they want bums on seats. If you are going to have to pay £5k for your Dd at university, how does your DH think he is going to finance his course? I don’t think he’s thought this through.

He's probably going to be entitled to disabled student allowance https://www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa/eligibility

The uni may also be able to advise about additional grants or funding for disabled and /or mature students.

How/why did he avoid paying into an employer pension when he was a senior IT manager?